Why yes, I do believe

There comes a time in every little girls life when she realizes if she wants something done, she's going to have to do it herself.

OK, so in my case, I realized that years ago.  Today, however, I'm talking about gaining control of my life.  Nobody can do that shit for me.  I'm on my own.

I weighed somewhere in the 170's in 2009.  Today, I don't.

I remember leaving Florida in 2010 so upset at myself as I was back at 207.  Had to buy bigger clothes for the trip back to Michigan.  Oh to be back there again!  I also remember the trip back to Florida in September of 2010.  I had to buy bigger clothes for the trip home.

Fast forward to today, September 4, 2013.  I've had to buy bigger clothes....well let's count, shall we?  I was in my awesome size 16 sparkly bell bottom jeans.  Then I wasn't.  I bought 18's for the trip back to Michigan.

I bought 20's for the trip back home to Florida.

I bought 22's for the next trip.

I bought 24's for the last one.

Sensing a trend here?  I was.  I had enough.

We're on a very strict budget.  Had to give up Weight Watchers.  I'm really on my own now.  I finally decided a week ago that enough was freaking enough.  I hurt like hell, I am so fat nothing fits.  I feel crappy all the time.  I feel like I'm 80.  It's time to roll back the clock boys and girls.  I'm ready to be 55 and feel like 40.  Bring it on.

I'm going the counting calories route.  I signed up for livestrong.com.  It's a lovely little site that helps me easily track what I'm eating and how many calories are in it. 

Week one down.  I lost 4.8 pounds.  I'm pleased with that.

I'm more pleased with my activity.  I went from totally sedentary to not so sedentary.  Yay me!

I hurt.  I can't walk.  I can't run.  I can't do anything on the floor as I can't get back up with my knees the way they are.  What?  I live in a park with two swimming pools you say????  Well heck, why don't I just jump in and swim 10 laps?  That felt great.

How bout the next day I go for 20?  That was awesome.

How bout day 3 we try 30?  That wasn't so hard!

Day 5 let's go for 40 shall we?  I didn't drown!!

Tomorrow I'll get up, hit the pool, and do what I can do.  I know it'll be more than it was a week ago and that's OK with me!

I'm ready to feel confident.  I'm ready to feel in control.  I'm ready to feel some bones under this fat!

I'm just ready.

:-)
Peace be the journey

Moving forward

I saw a commercial on TV earlier tonight.  Not sure what it was advertising, but it said the following.

"If you're not moving forward, you're moving backward". 

Hmmmmmm I disagree.

Sometimes, standing still is all we can manage.  Sometimes it's digging in, clinging with every last ounce of what we have to NOT move backwards.

No, moving forward is moving forward.  That's good.  It's what we strive for.

Moving backward is....doh....moving backwards.  Losing ground.  Losing something we worked to gain.

Standing still is neither.  It is holding ground we've fought to win.  It's a breathing space for moving forward again.  It is not, however, moving backwards.

No.  It is not.

Peace be the journey

:-) 

I wonder....

If I remember how.....


Peace be the journey

:-)

Get a grip

Ever feel you're chugging along with a firm grip on things? Then all of a sudden someone greases the frigging rope and you go sliding into the abyss?

Well hell, I do. A lot.

I'm working on that. I'm learning more and more about myself. I'm actually willing to (insert gasp here) change! Oh yes, me, the queen of stubbornness is actually willing to admit the way I've done things for...well forever, just don't work.

Weight Watcher's talk about 'red light foods'. You know, food that if you take one bite you're a goner? I never really thought I had any of those. This week I realized that red light doesn't have to apply to just A food. It could apply to AN action.

I've been fat all my life. That is not a boast. It's a sad fact Jack. I've been teased, taunted, ridiculed, looked over for jobs, and, well you get the drift. I remember being in grade school (Catholic mind you)and being on a diet. My Mom didn't have a clue. She'd make me take 1/2 a sandwich for my lunch and that was it. I mean what else could go in the bag? I wasn't allowed chips or cookies...what else was there? I'm not blaming my Mom for my fat...but geez Ma...fruit and veg were around back then! You think kids are cruel? Just try being around Catholic girls. Those bitches are vicious! They'd make fun of me for being fat AND they'd make fun of me for trying to NOT be fat. Do you think I'd be struck by lightning if I said I wish they'd all rot in hell? Probably, and my Christian side won't let me think that...damn that Catholic guilt!!!

Frick, digress. Again.

So...all my life. My first trip to Weight Watchers was in 1977. Before that I'd tried everything. Atkins, grapefruit, cabbage soup, you name it, I tried it. So with that first trip to WW, I deemed that weigh in day would be a free day. I could eat whatever I wanted on that day. It got me through the week. If I wanted something, I'd tell myself I could have it on weigh in day. That never changed. EVERY single diet I've ever been on, I've had a 'free day'.

This week, 52 years old, I realized that just isn't going to work for me anymore. Cue the angels and harps! Epiphany time!!!

Why? Well, it's the big lead up to 'the day'. I anticipate. Oh what will I eat?? Sometimes I eat things I don't want just because I can. Ya, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes.

THEN the next day. OMG it's so hard to get back on plan. I remember today what I really wanted yesterday and didn't have. Maybe I should have 2 cheat days this week and then next week get back to just 1.

Two becomes three. etc. It's a mental battle. I don't like how my mind feels. I don't like the feeling of deprivation and angst. It's so hard.

SO, yesterday this little niggle started in. I'm loving the new program I'm rocking. The SFT (simply filling technique). It's got good bones. So why do I feel I need a day to lose control? The program is this in a nutshell...

You eat ONLY when you are TRULY hungry.
You eat ONLY until you are satisfied.
You eat mostly only power foods.
A few other things, but those are the basics.

I realized on my 'cheat day' this week, there really wasn't anything I was hungry for. Well, Panera Bread mac and cheese. That shit is to die for! I did want something chocolate. Did I eat those two things and stop? Hell no. It was my cheat day, I could have it all. I did. So, let's think about this...

I get 49 points plus a week to play with on SFT...Panera Bread mac and cheese (the small size which is plenty) is 13.5 PP. A snicker bar was 9 I think...so, wow, let me get this right....I could just go out to lunch any day like a normal person and have the mac and cheese for lunch...perhaps paired with some veg soup instead of the bread roll? THEN later in the week if I wanted a candy bar I could have one??? THEN still have PP left over??????

Who the hell knew??????

I don't like to step out of my comfort zone. It's hard for me to give up things I love. To change my ways.

I think it's time.

I think the cheat day needs to be put to rest. I think I need to give the plan a try the way they intend for it to be worked.

What about you? Do you have a free day? How do you handle treats? I know how I'm going to do it this next week.....

R.I.P. Cheat day....you will be missed.

Peace be the journey

:-)

Friday favorites

Hi everyone!

My gal TJ had this awesome idea and invited us to play along. Always a team player, I accepted!

I'm going to do a Vlog about these soon. As soon as I figure out how!

Oat cakes. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!

I learned a while ago that even if I'm just tossing things in a pot, write down what's going in. Too many times I get done and it's just awesome and I have NO idea what, or how much of anything actually went in! I'm so glad the day I tried these I wrote it down exactly.

I use my Magic Bullet a lot. It sounds hokey, but it's really a fantastic little gadget. You'll see when I do my vlog!

So, without further ado.

Oat cakes- 1 large serving

I put all the dry ingredients in the MB and let it all commingle while the oats are becoming flour. I then add all the wet to the dry and pulse some more. In fact, I do up the dry portion in batches and keep 3 on hand in small Tupperware containers so all I have to do is add the wet if I'm in a hurry.

1/2 c old fashioned oats ground to flour in the Magic Bullet
1/8 t baking powder
1/8 t salt
cinnamon I like a lot
cloves I like a pinch
nutmeg I use whole nuts and grate in....some
1T Splenda
After that's nice and flour like add the wet
1 egg
2T or so of yogurt of choice (I match the yogurt to whatever fruit I'm using)
2T or so skim milk
vanilla to taste
fruit of choice (1/2 banana, diced stewed apples, etc.)

I use a teaspoon of canola oil to cook the cakes. You can just use spray if you want. I like how crispy they get with the oil and I need 2 teaspoons a day anyway. This makes 2-4 cakes depending on what size you make.

This week I started on the apple cakes. I used WW apple pie a la mode yogurt. I diced a whole granny smith apple small and put it in a small pot with a ton of cinnamon, 1 T Splenda, and a little water and cooked until soft while I did the rest. When it was time for the wet in the cakes, I added some of the apples to the mix. I took the rest of the apples, the rest of the WW apple pie a la mode yogurt and whirred that in the Bullet for my 'syrup'. Oh my land was it good!

I'm following WW Simply Filling Technique. This fits in perfectly.

I think I might try pineapple cakes next!!

Peace be the journey

:-)

Sink or swim

I can drown in self pity or I can jump in and swim like a bitch!

A few weeks ago I had a hard lesson. I told you I'd blog about it 'later'. Well, it's later.

The second week of my SFT(simply filling technique)experiment I hit a snag. I went to work for 10 minutes and it turned into 9 hours. I hadn't planned my meals for the day or done any prep as I was coming right home from that 10 minutes to do all that. Around 2PM I shot home on my golf cart to grab something to eat at my desk. Anything. Well, as I hadn't prepared, the choices were slim. There was left over pizza staring at me and I grabbed it. I didn't find out until later on it was 10 points plus! On the SFT I get 49 points plus a week to use so I like to break them up and use under 7 a day so I have a few left for a nice treat at the end of the week. Pizza used to be 6 points. It went up and I didn't know it. I had a glass of wine with dinner to celebrate my fantastic day of work. That went up in points also! All in all, I used 20 points plus that day. I hated it.

I woke up the next day and felt so limited. I couldn't move past the feeling of deprivation I now felt. Many days I use 0 points plus and that's fine as it's my choice. This day I felt like I was forced to do that. And the day after. And the day after. God I felt like it was the end of the world and for the first time ever I felt guilt over eating something!

I was talking to my DIL who was in the hospital after having my 5th grandchild. Bree was born 6 weeks early so of course was experiencing some difficulty. DIL was feeling guilty. Hmmm who else did I know that was feeling guilt? Being the quiet retiring MIL that I am, (OMG I CHOKED THERE!), I gave my two cents worth. You can't go back. You can't undo what's done. You just have to think about the now. Focus on what you can do now. BLINK BLINK BLINK! That was the light bulb going off above my head.

In my mind I'd screwed up my eating plan. So, what could I do about it? I couldn't un eat the food...hmmmmmm oh I know! What if I got off my lazy ass and did some exercise? What if I went out and moved this sedentary mountain and earned some AP(activity points) points plus??? What a concept!

I got dressed and got on my bike and peddled my fat ass enough to earn 2PP. Came home and got my suit on and headed to the pool and earned some more. Wow! It is possible to right a wrong! I didn't intend to eat any of those points, but man did it do my psyche good to know they were there!!! My whole mindset changed. I took control.

I focused on what I could do and not what I did!

Oh ya baby, I may be old, but I'm learning every day. I had a loss that week. A good one.

This week at WI I changed days. I went from a Tuesday morning meeting to a Monday night meeting. You always weigh more at night. I knew if the scale showed a gain, it wouldn't really be a gain. I was praying for even a .2 loss as I'd had 4 losses in a row and I really need to keep my momentum up.

I took a deep breath and got on the scales.

DOWN BABY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was pumped!

5 weeks in a row my friends. 5 weeks in a row!!!!!! DID I MENTION FIVE FIVE FIVE WHOLE WEEKS IN A ROW????? A ROW PEOPLE!!!!!!! That's consecutive!!!

This old broad is swimming along.

One stroke at a time.

C'mon in....the water is fine!

Peace be the journey

:-)

Mis en place

Anyone that knows me knows I love to cook. Roasting, braising, sauteing, steaming, poaching, I love it all. I love to chop and dice....chiffonade, mince, matchstick, & julienne are terms I use daily. I know the difference between a mirepoix and the Trinity and when to use both. I generally prefer a soffrito over a mirepoix...just sayin. If it's a kitchen gadget, I probably have it.

So how does my love of all things kitchen tie in with weight loss?

Well, when I'm cooking, I have my station ready to go. I chop what needs chopping, I dice what needs dicing, my spices are measured in a small bowl, and everything I need is at hand before I actually begin to cook. Mis en place.

As I was planning my meals for today, I realized that mis en place gets me where I want to go even when I'm not cooking. I gather my food guide and my tracker. I fire up the laptop and bring up etools. I get pencil, paper, and my cell phone to hand. Mis en place. Everything is ready, let us begin it.

It's easy to plan when you have the right tools.

How about you? Do you plan? Prepare? Do you have the right tools, or moreover, do you use the tools you have?

Peace be the journey

:-)