Tonight's the night

Though I do love Rod Stewart, I don't think we're exactly talking about the same thing here.

Tonight is the night I go back to Weight Watchers. Ya, that just doesn't quite compare to what old Rod was crooning about...but it's what is in my future.

I have thoughts about tonight though, and since I'm not a singer (shut it Ian!), I'll just write.

I wrote the other day about needing to do things a bit different. I mean, obviously something wasn't quite working the old way...so I need to shake it up a bit.

I'm going to a meeting tonight where nobody knows me. There is one right here in my town, so why am I driving 50 miles to another one? Well, firstly, because I don't like the meeting here. I like the leader, I don't like the members. They're the same old members that have been there since the 70's. They're not upbeat. They're sad sacks. The room is awful. It's a huge, cavernous room that echos. You can't hear well. It's clique-y. I don't like that. Not because I'm not part of it, I am, but that's not how I roll. I want to meet new people, hear their stories, bring them into the group. That's not allowed.

Most important, they know me. Why does that matter? What is the main reason I'm going somewhere that nobody knows me? Well, because they know me. They know my story. All my troubles are discounted. I'm obviously floundering, but I'll receive no help because they know how far I've come. They don't see that I need help. I'm the helper not the helpee. I just want to be one of the crowd. I want to be the new girl that is having problems. I don't want to be the girl that has lost over 100 pounds.

There was always a rush when the leader would ask me to share my story. The minute I did, however, I was not one of them anymore. I wasn't someone that was struggling to lose weight, I was someone that did it. Kind of like workers and management. I wasn't finished, but that didn't matter. We'd be talking about difficulties, and I wasn't really allowed to join in.

I want the new person help. When I say my eating is out of control, I want ideas of what to do, how to stop it. I don't want rolled eyes and 'oh you'll get it, you always do', and then the topic switches to something else.

I can't talk to my non weight watching friends about this. They don't want to hear it. They don't understand. I'm boring them to death. They're like 'well just do it. Why do you need Weight Watchers...'. I'm sure some of you get the same thing.

I'm excited about my meeting tonight. I know I can share that with you and you'll get it.

I'm so pumped about being the new girl. The girl that wants to lose 50-90 pounds. The girl that will celebrate each 5 pound mark with gusto. Those little celebrations are like gold to me. I was cheated out of them. I had lost 170 pounds, so when I got another star...it was a ho hum response when the leader presented it. Tonight is a chance for me to start over.

Tonights the night. It's gonna be alright. Ain't nobody gonna stop me now.

:-)