Stay the course

Those are words you hear often.

Stick with it for the long haul. It's not an over night thing. You didn't gain it over night you're not going to take it off over night. Sound familiar? Sure it does. Make sense? Of course. Easy to hear/practice/do/act on for 40 years? Hell no!!!

I am having a most difficult time lately as most of you know. My friends want to help. TBM wants to help. Can they? Ah no. Why not? They're not me. They don't know what's in my head, or in my heart. I got an email last week from a well meaning reader. They said I was being lazy. I was being a baby. I needed to suck it up and just get on with it. Thanks. That helped a lot. NOT!

Let me try to explain. Most of you are on some sort of weight loss program. There are different phases as we all know. Let me tell you, the honeymoon is over here! Compare my weight loss journey to a job. You start a job. You work 30 years and then you retire. I began my weight loss journey over 40+ years ago. That's a frick of a long time to do something. I was trying to explain to my friend the other day. He said but you weren't on Weight Watchers all that 40 years. No, correct. My first attempt at Weight Watchers wasn't until 1977. There has never been a year in there anywhere that I wasn't on Weight Watchers for all or part of the year. Not one. So, that's over 33 years right there. I want my pension!!!!!

I want to stress here that I'm not giving up. I'm not throwing in the towel. I'm just trying to explain what is in my heart and my mind. I really believe we all learn from each other here and this is my forum to try to get out there what I can't say with words.

Here are the facts:

The fact is I've lost over 160 pounds and I certainly don't want to gain it back.

The fact is, my Weight Watcher goal is 150 pounds.

The fact, in fact the most important fact is, I'm fine where I'm at right now....for now.

Oh yes, all you ass kickers out there may suck in a breath of disgust. You may tell me to suck it up and pull up my big girl panties. You're wasting your breath. That doesn't work for me. It works when I tell myself that, but not when others tell me that.

The next fact is I'd like to weigh 20 pounds less than I do right now. Just not right now. I really feel that is where I'd be happy for the rest of my life. Yes, 184 pounds would be really fat still. I don't really give a rats ass. I'm not out to impress. I've got flab and rolls that aren't going to go away even if I get to goal weight without surgery. Do I want to face surgery to tuck and tighten? I used to and that's a fact Jack. Right now I'm facing surgery on my hands, both of them. I'm facing surgery on my shoulder. I'm sure I'll be facing surgery on my knees down the road. I'm facing an immanent surgery to hoist up some bladder and bowel parts in the female area. I think that's enough cutting! The fat and flab is just going to have to dangle. I'm OK with that now. I never used to be.

I can just hear some of you saying 'Oh she's making excuses'. Maybe I am. Mostly I'm just trying to get across what I'm feeling. Not an easy task sometimes as you all know.

I'm tired boys and girls. After 40+ years of counting points, weighing and measuring, thinking about every bite that goes into my mouth. I need a new plan. I need to not think of being on my diet or off my diet. I need to quit thinking diet.

I need to not gain back what I lost and that's a must. That's not giving up in my book. The hardest part of losing weight is keeping it off. So, in my book, if I can keep off what I've lost, I'm still fighting the fight.

I'm 51 years old. No, that's not ready for the nursing home yet. It is, however, old enough to enjoy a few things. I want to have a dessert without a panic attack. I want to go to lunch with a friend without either A. being pissed off that they chose a place that wasn't 100% WW friendly, or B. feeling deprived and sorry for myself sitting there with my lettuce leaf and a toothpick while they have a burger. C. I want a glass of wine now and then. Yes, I realize that Weight Watchers gives me those options. Not without a lot of thinking, and writing, and measuring and planning. I want a break from all that. I want to fix a meal and just sit down with a normal portion and enjoy it without first weighing it all out. I just want to be normal. Ya, I know, that probably is a boat that already sailed!!!

I need input here. Ideas. I have some...I need more. Yes, I'm desperate. I need a plan I can live with right now.

When all this was rolling around in my mind yesterday, giving up my blog was the first thing that entered my mind. I mean if I'm not on Weight Watchers, what's the point right? My blog helps me so much. Reading all your blogs helps me tons. More than you'll probably ever know. I take it all in and I learn. I commiserate with some, I hope to encourage some. I just love all you guys! Group hug here! Everyone isn't on Weight Watchers. Some people are just trying to maintain. Some people are holding on by a thread. Raising hand and waving it frantically here!

So, I need a plan of action. I'm still working on it. I have to find something that will keep me from going off the deep end, but with a minimum of thinking. My brain is fried with all this pain crap I'm going through. I need to find a way to deal with that before I can commit back to 100% weight loss. I just do.

Help me with ideas here people. Add to my list...help me make a plan that I can live with and that will work for me. Here's what I've got so far.

Make sure each day includes the following:
3 milk servings
6 fruit and veg servings
whole grains, lean protein, water
3 servings of healthy oil in the form of oil (doh), natural peanut butter, avocado, or almonds.
No hydrogenated oils
no white bread, rice, or pasta...well 99% of the time.

Make sure 3 days a week includes exercise, building to 5 days a week.

I have a few more ideas...but this blog just got way too long. Gotta go tie the knot in my rope.

:-)