I need my mommy

Ya, so that's not going to happen! If she could come back from the great beyond, she'd give me Vernor's, jell-o, and chicken noodle soup. She was an awful cook, so the soup was Campbell's and canned, but it was awesome when I was sick!

Yep, the Pixie is sick. I can't begin to remember the last time I was sick. Shut it to those of you that are thinking I can't remember the last time I did anything! I've got what I'm calling the flu for lack of anything else. I'm guessing this was what all that thirsty feeling was last week. The build up to this. I've got it all. Fluids coming from every orifice, headache, chills one minute, heat the next, dizziness. I'm feeling a bit better today thank goodness. I don't do sick well. I've just eaten some malt o meal and if it stays down, I figure I'm on the road to recovery. I did nothing yesterday, and I'm doing nothing today. I am going to venture a shower today and hopefully get outside into the fresh air for a golf cart ride. That's debatable though as that would require getting dressed...not sure I'm up to that yet. We'll see.

So, I've been reading all your blogs. You know who you are. The exercisers, the great recipe givers, the motivating ones and also the ones that are about to give up. You're all inspiring me. I've been off program for a long time as you know and I've been at the edge of the precipice of jumping back in. I think I'm about ready to take that leap.

I think today is the day for the great clean out. You know, all the junk I let myself buy for the holidays. Stupid self! I hate to waste food, but I just can't see putting it all into my body.

Mainly it's just crackers. Lots and lots of crackers. I'm looking at 3 boxes sitting on the butcher block right now. Sociables, Chicken in a biskit, and regular saltines. If I let my eye wander to the right, I see a box of white cheddar cheez-it's sitting on top of the pantry. Oops, there's a bag of lightly salted potato chips in my vision also. Those are OK...lightly salted you know???? I see a bowl of mint truffle Hershey kisses and a jar of devil peanut butter. I only use natural peanut butter. Nothing in it at all but peanuts. This is 'regular', evil PB. I bought it to make my awesome peanut butter cake for new years eve. Of course it didn't take the whole jar. Why did I feel I could poison everyone with that kind of PB instead of using my natural? dunno...just never made that cake with the natural and didn't want to mess it up for that event. There's a HUGE bag of bagel chips I got from Sam's club. Now mind you, this is all the stuff I can SEE! Guess that tells you what a slob I am eh? Nothing put away. To be honest, there's so much shit and so little space here, there'd be no room to put any of that away. Into the trash it's going. I'm sure there's some homeless guy out on the street freezing his balls off that would love my crackers...but I don't know how to get it to him and most places won't take open boxes.

I think today is the day. I'm just getting my appetite back and I know I'd tell myself it's OK to eat the crud. Get it out of the house you know? NO! It's going into the trash where it belongs. I'm keeping the chocolate chips though. I can moderate those. Ya just gotta do what ya just gotta do!!!

I know now what I want. I talked about being comfortable at the weight I was at. Heavy emphasis on the AT. I've gained 26 pounds from that weight. I want/need to get back down to 188. I want to get there and STAY THERE! I want to learn to maintain that weight without springing up and down like big boobs on a trampoline. I want to learn to eat healthy and learn moderation. I want to learn to eat normal. When I know I can maintain that weight...and not constantly shoot up over 200 every other week...then, and only then do I want to think about losing more. My poor body doesn't know what weight it should be at. It doesn't want to be under 200 pounds but I want it to. I need to get it there and KEEP IT THERE until it knows who's boss!!!

Yep, this Pixie is hoisting her fat ass back up in that saddle. I may need a seat belt.

As the infamous Bette Davis said....

"Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride!"

:-)