Right now life is so weighing me down. Ya, that happens to all of us. I just feel like I'm staked to the ground and am being pulled in 4 different directions. Something is going to snap. I can hear it now.....'CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3!'
I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight. They said they have the heaviest contestants ever. The scary thing? I thought some of them didn't look too fat. Wow. How jaded have I become, to see someone that is morbidly obese as I'm sure all of them were, and think 'they don't look too bad'. A few weigh what I did just 2 years ago. A few weigh what I did at the beginning of my journey. A few weigh a whole lot more. But still.....just wow. Maybe I'm not so happy staying where I am for a while? Maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone and get back on the program.
I went over to my friends house today and was met at the door with open arms. Now, I'm all for that any day, but I didn't know why. She kept saying....well shoot I can't remember what she said now...something like she was proud or she was in awe....didn't know...was just taking the hug....life weighing me down remember?...it felt good! Seems that she saw a few of my before pictures on my blog. She'd never seen any before pics of me...she's only known me for a few years so never at my highest weight. She was impressed with my progress. Guess I haven't thought about that lately.
I have come a long way. I have bettered myself. It should stop there, but it never does. It's always goes something like this. "Oh I've lost a lot, but I've got a lot more to go'. Why not just say 'thank you'? Two simple words that would give credence to what I've done. Two little words that would allow me to take credit for all the hard work....why can't I take a compliment? I just don't know. I know it made me feel good when she was so happy about my progress.
I watched BL tonight and kept thinking 'I can't do that'. Man was that depressing! Oh, it's not because I think I can't, it's because with all my new problems, I physically can't. I'm telling you, getting old sucks! No way in hell should I be this way at 51 years old! I can't lift any weights as I'm not allowed to grip anything. I have 6 fingers that trigger if I bend them. I'm telling you that hurts like hell!!! I can't lift my right arm past my waist without grinding pain. I can't even swim for goodness sakes and I was good at swimming! So, in my emotional state, I sat there watching that show thinking 'oh poor me'.
Screw that shit.
I can't lift weights.
I can get myself a ball and do crunches etc on it.
I can't jog.
I can walk. (oh my knees crunch like Rice Krispies, but I CAN walk!)
I can't swim.
I can walk around in the pool and jump about and move my left arm. (when the ice thaws! It's freakin cold here!)
I can't golf or bowl.
I can ride my bike.
We can think negative or we can think positive. Sometimes it's easier to just have the 'I don't care' attitude...take the easy way out. I've been doing that for a few weeks...OK months. Maybe, just maybe it's time to start giving a shit again.
I'm not this girl anymore.
I will be if I don't pull my head out of my ass.
There's a time to think "oh poor me" and I've been doing it a bit recently. But I'm moving on and I know you will too because you're so good at the positive outlook. The bit that actually got to me most in your post was "I can't swim" because that would upset me SO much. I'm thinking of you and wishing all the very, very best.
ReplyDeletePixie, you *HAVE* come a long way. I enjoyed watching the slide show. I think I even owned the exact pair of jeans that you wore seated on a log in 1988? It was memory lane for me too, but without the kids and husband. Congrats on all of your hard work. The BL show was great last night. I was exhausted just watching it. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI always think I can't do that when I see people jumping, running, golfing but I (like you) need to focus on the things that I CAN DO! :) I need to put pain aside and add WAY more exercise to my routine. Man why do you have to live so far away, we could be exercise buddies! :)
ReplyDeletethere she is!! pissed off and ready to rock...
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya girl.
ReplyDeleteOk get ready for a couple of cliche's. Great post Deb...all you can do is concentrate on what you can do. And you HAVE come a long way.
ReplyDeleteMy old coach used to ask this question, "Do you know what people who say they can't and people who say they canhave in common?"
The answer: "They are both right."
My dad had a more hard ass version. whenever I would use the word can't he would say, "Can't?!? Can't never did a f*ucking thing in his entire life!"
How's that for some drill sargent pep talk type shit!?!
You have come so far! Please do remember that! Remember how IMPORTANT YOU are! Good for you focusing on what you can do! It is so hard to stay positive some times but you can do it! You have proven you can do it!
ReplyDeleteOH, girl I have no warm fuzzy thoughts for you at the moment because well, ...well you know why. Just being honest. I can say I know how you feel, mentally and physically! LOL Shit gets old sometimes and we have to work our way through it. Trying to make my son understand this too, as he's the major portion of my issues!! Anyway, I am here with you and I am so blessed to have found this blog. Remember, you motivate not ONLY because of your weightloss. Also because of your spirit and attitude and your kindness (thanks again for my email!).
ReplyDeleteDid I mention How AWESOME you are? I randomly blurt out "I love Debby" when I'm reading your blogs or other correspondence, this has become something my family is used to now. LOL You have not only had much sucess and should be proud, you light up everyone else's days too!!!!
ReplyDeleteMs X
wow. ive never seen those pictures before.
ReplyDeletethe f**k it attitude i just dont care.. been there done that. its just plain ol' denile. sometimes it tries to creep its way back into my life. no siree. I AM ON IT. I CAN DO IT.
My mantra is positive thinking leads to positive actions. right now its working for me. just gots to stick with it.