Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Not Mrs. Frankenstein

But I'm alive!!!


I wasn't worried about the procedure, I was just worried I'd not come out of the anesthesia. I did! I really want to thank all of you that sent emails. Big hugs and kisses all around. Do so love my friends. Yes, even the one that called me at 10PM and woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep after that. Love you the most...well since you're family I kinda have to eh? BTW, when you come to FL this winter, we MUST get together. I'll take a day off work even!

OK, so peeps? It's getting time for this tub of lard to reduce to a small container of reduced fat, non hydrogenated, spread.

Ya, so the M & M's and wine have added 4 pounds to me. Maybe it was the bags of saline solution? Ya, I'll go with that instead!

I just finished tearing out a lot of recipes from the newest WW magazine. Some of them sound really good.

I'm going to start walking Wednesday. I can't shower until then, and well, you get the drift of putting off the walk eh?

We're having chicken lasagna for dinner tonight. It does have broccoli in it. I'm thinking a small piece with a green salad. Somehow gotta figure this crap out. If dinner is a bit higher point/calorie/whatever, lunch could be skinnied down. Turkey on whole wheat with tomatoes and avocado for lunch. Sorted.

I gave up my WW membership. I can't go to the meetings because of my new job. That means I've lost my online recipe builder. I loved that. Input the ingredients, and it would tell me how many points. So, sitting here feeling deprived...doh. Calories. It really is about calories in and calories out no matter what plan you're on. WW has just done it for us with the point system. So, I'll have to do it by hand, but I can figure calories. If anyone knows of a good online calorie dohickey, let me know.

OK, in rambling mode now. Just wanted to touch base. Let you know I made it and I'm wanting to get back on the wagon.

Thank you to all of you who cared!!!

Peace be the journey


Sunday, November 14, 2010


Funny a person that writes a blog for the world to read is really very private about some things.

Oh I don't mind telling you about my fat and my sagging skin. I have no aversion to discussing my armpit hair or my twat (I had to put that in as my MIL hates that word and I do try to work it into conversation now and then). Sex doesn't embarass me, and you all fucking know that foul language doesn't upset me. I don't mind telling you about my aches and pains. I do, however, abhor talking about my serious health problems when they arise.

I'm sitting here right now feeling very selfish. I know my friend wants to be with me, to lend me encouragement, but I haven't let her.

I'm having surgery tomorrow. I haven't told many people. I only told my kids yesterday. Shit, I just realized I forgot to tell one of my kids and now he's probably going to be pissed at me too. So, if you're a good friend, or some of my family that I didn't tell, don't be upset.

I don't like to be fussed at. I like to deal with these things all by myself. Internal. It's not that I don't want anyone to know, I just don't like drama. I hate the look of 'oh my God' in their eyes. I hate telling details over and over. Selfish? Yep. So sue me. That's the way I am.

I'm not a worrier. If I die tomorrow, it'll suck ass for sure. Worrying isn't going to change any of that. Am I sitting here drinking wine and eating M & M's out of the bag? You bet your ass I am. If I do kick off, I'd be so fucking pissed off at myself for not indulging! Will I be upset at myself when I wake up from the anesthesia and realize I drank a bottle of wine and ate a pound of peanut M & M's for nothing? Hell no...hello....woke up from the anesthesia! Also, peeps, peanut M & M's are never for nothing!

I wasn't going to mention anything here, but if you never heard from me again you'd wonder why!

So, when I wake up tomorrow, I have no reason not to start exercising and eating right. See, I didn't bother the last month as...well what a waste of time just in case...ya know??? I'll expect no mercy after tomorrow.

Anesthesia makes me puke...that should negate the M & M's right?

Peace be the journey


Sunday, November 7, 2010

I can do it all by myself!

How often did we hear that when our kids were little. Or, how often are you hearing it now if you haven't got yours all grown up???

I am catching up on emails today and hopefully a few blogs too. My house is going to get some attention and I'm going to put a fabulous meal into the crock pot as I'm picking a friend up from the airport today. I'm also going to pack up everything from yesterdays garage sale. Lots to do. Right now, however, is ME time. I'm loving it. TBM is still at work, the sun is coming in my window (though it's so f'ing cold I can't believe it! Florida should NOT be 45 degrees!!!), it's quiet, and I had about 11 hours of sleep. Life is good.

So, back to the little foot stamping "I can do it all by myself!'

Reading one of my daily health emails, she was talking about diet sabateurs. Friends or family that try to screw up your diet, your healthy plans. Do you have those in your life? I don't. I can do it all by myself with no help from the outside!!!!

I have friends that really want to help. They try everything, but I'm the one to thwart myself. Spoiled brat? You betcha.

My friend Mary K. asked me to help her. I thought that was a euphamism for 'come on you moron, I'll pretend I need help so you'll get your fat ass up and do something healthy for yourself'. Um, no, it didn't. I'm not helping her, but she's out walking almost daily. She really did want my help and I let her down. Some helper I am.

Another friend Marty is always telling me what a role model I am and how I inspire her. So, what do I do? Gain 50 pounds and flounder like a fish on dry land. Some role model I am.

My friend Ian is arriving today for 6 months. He always tries to help. In truth, we can help each other. He doesn't know a lot about healthy eating, but he's a good walker.

I think I'm going to work on the circle of life here. If I help Ian with his diet, he can help me with my walking. If I try try to help MK with what she needs, maybe I'll get back to being a role model for Marty. All three of them can help me so very much.

Maybe it's time to stop being a 2 year old.

Maybe I can't do it all by myself.

Hmmmm what a concept. I do it with the help of others...doesn't mean I didn't do it!

Peace be the journey