Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Are you sitting down?

If not, please do so now. This post is going to be so freaking upbeat, you don't want to risk standing!

I went to bed last night in such a funk, in so much pain, feeling so fat and full, and so upset over the job situation here(TBM doesn't have one and needs one or we can't stay in FL for the winter), that I didn't sleep all night hardly. I went to bed knowing that today would be virtually impossible to get back OP, already making excuses for my failure. That's how I went to bed. I sure the hell didn't wake up that way!!

Problems & Solutions:

1. Problem: This f'ing arthritis was getting the best of me. I hate to bitch and complain, so I don't usually. Well I do, but only to a few of my friends. Bless them for listning. I went from being super woman, (oh yes, that's right, Linda Freakin Carter eat your heart out) to a woman that can't unhook her own bra and can't get the lid off the carafe she likes to pour her coffee out of. I have terrible trouble with doorknobs, and with the a/c on here, we keep a lot of doors closed. I get up after sitting like an 80 year old...all gimpy and sore until the kinks get smoothed out. I was pumping iron at the gym, and now I can't even open the door without help. Oh wah wah, oh woe is me, poor, poor, Pixie. Yes, that's how I went to bed last night.

1. Soultion: First of all I have an appointment with my doc here on Friday. I didn't like the man I saw back in MI. He didn't take me seriously. Surprise...a man not taking a woman seriously. He bent a few joints and said 'you have osteoarthritis'. Yep, that was it. No tests, no in depth questions, no nothing. Now, me, not knowing anything about arthritis as I'm only f'ing 50 you know!!!, didn't have the questions to ask. I assumed, ya, I know, that he'd know what he was talking about and be all supportive and give me ideas. Nope. Nada. So, I'm going to this appointment Friday all preapred like. I've got questions, and I've got demands if necessary. I want testing done. I want to know 100% if it's osteoarthritis, or rumetoid arthritis. I want to know if there's therapy that will help. I don't want drugs if I don't need them. I want to know what my quality of life will be and what to do to experience it at it's maximum. Hey, maybe my middle finger will be the one to start locking in place instead of my thumb and ring finger. Think of all the fun I could have then!

2. Problem: Feeling fat and full. I went to bed so bummed out that I'd let myself gain 25 pounds in my eating frenzy. I hadn't done the math. I hadn't actually added up the poundage. I knew it had been 7 weeks of uncontrolled eating. I remember a 5.6 pound gain, a 4.6, and I sure remember this weeks gain of 5.8 pounds! I knew I was back up over 200 again. Fuck me sideways. I was so full when I went to bed I literally couldn't get comfy and fall asleep. My pants are so tight I can hardly button them...hell buttoning loose pants right now is hell with my thumbs, let alone, skin tight ones!

2. Solution: Doh, get unfat and don't go to bed full! First thing I did this morning was to get my WW book out and enter all the weights in my online weight tracker. I hadn't done that for 7 weeks. I never missed a meeting, I just didn't write it down. What did I find? I 'only' gained 16 pounds! OMG you have no idea what a high that was! Have you ever heard anyone say 'wooohooo I gained 16 pounds'?? Well, you have now! 25 pounds sounded like so much, well of course it is, but it sounded like a huge, insurmountable number. 16 pounds sounds like, hey, not too bad for 7 weeks of bingeing!! Did I want to gain that? Of course not. Could it have been worse? Hell yes. I gained 15.2 pounds on our migration north in May in 3 weeks. This frenzy lasted longer, and could have been a whole lot worse!! Yep, I'm pleased as punch and I have complete confidence I can get this off again and for once, delve into virgin fat.

I woke up this morning thinking there was no way in hell I'd stay OP today. It would just be too hard, and what is one more day after all? Finding out that I'd not gained as much as I thought, was just the panacea I needed.

My menu is planned for today.

I've had a healthy breakfast.

I don't have half of what I need for dinner(shopping here is hell and I gave up after only getting half the list last night!!!), but I know now that I'll be able to run out to the store this afternoon and get it and still remain on program.

I'd love to stay and chat...but 10am is water aerobics here. For the first time ever, my fat ass is going to be in the pool with the rest of them!!!

Oh ya, Super Woman is back!!!!!


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Oompa Loompa

Holy shit if I was orange that's what I'd look like! More like the obnoxious little girl that turned into a blueberry and rolled around the floor. Willie Wonka ya know?

WI today was brutal. I'm talking sharp clawed bear tearing me apart brutal. Ya, another 6 pounds brutal. I haven't tallied up the gain for the feeding frenzy, I'll do that tomorrow. I believe it's about 25 pounds! Just wanted to get it out there today. Busy unpacking, but had to let you all know what I'm doing. I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I've not read blogs, I've not written blogs. I've just been having fun. Oops....all fun and no work makes a Pixie very puffy!!!!

We're still unpacking and getting settled here. I love every minute of it.

Tomorrow I'm back OP. Tomorrow I'll begin exercising again. Tomorrow the excitement of the move south, the self pity for the pain I'm in, the 'oh fuck it' attitude, will stop. Yep, tomorrow I shall start to de-puff the Pixie again!

Listen for the pffffffffffffffffffffffft to begin boys and girls!


Saturday, September 26, 2009

I love my friends

Daphne, my friend from England, said this to me in an email today.

Wait, first let me splain. She is an awesome swimmer. She's my age. She's got the endurance, well, of a long enduring thing. Daphne was telling how she'd swum 42 lengths of the pool and felt good.

I live in a park with 2 swimming pools. I used to be a lifeguard. Do I swim? Hell no. I float about on my noodle and chat with all my other bobbing friends. Yes, I have a noodle. Want to make something of it? It's pink!

I've never considered swimming good cardio exercise so why really bother doing it? Well, right now as you've listened to me whine about it, everything hurts. Maybe swimming might help loosen things up? It might not give my heart a work out, but it should help keep some of the other muscles in shape. They, whoever 'they' are, keep telling us we need to shake things up with our exercise. So, after I told Daphne that she'd inspired me to swim today (all of 2 lengths mind you, gotta start out slow you know!), she wrote me the following:

I always feel better after swimming - so much so that if I can't decide whether or not to go, I have a little mantra that I say to myself - - "Daphne, you have NEVER regretted going for a swim!" I hope you'll enjoy it!"

Wow, what words. Have any of us regretted doing exercise? No, we only regret NOT doing it.

God I love my friends. I learn so much from them.

No regrets for the Puffy Pixie today. Her fat ass is hitting the pool!!


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Almost Ready

to get back on program.

Yep, it's nearly that time again. Pants are tight. I feel fat. I don't like it much. Hold on to the babies, I think I want to eat a veg that isn't even deep fried! I think I NEED a fruit and some fiber. OMG, it's a revelation!

After leaving Carrabba's tonight, I was thinking. Yes, perhaps dangerous after 3 glasses of wine. I was sitting in the truck after a fabulous meal and I felt fat. Interesting. I weigh about 160 pounds less than I did at my highest weight (ya, I've gained about 20 pounds I think in the last month), and yet I still felt fat. Really fat. It was an amazing discovery. It means that I got used to weighing less than 200 and I felt good about it. Now that I've gained weight, I don't like it. Awesome. It's incentive to get back on program. It means when I reach my goal, and I will, I won't let myself get back to nearly 400 pounds as I hate it. It means I won't let myself get back to 200 pounds as I hate it. Awesome!!!! I thought I wouldn't feel fat again until I was 'really' fat.

Maybe I finally understand someone who I think is skinny saying 'I feel fat today.' I can't wait until someone doesn't understand me saying that.

It will happen. Oh yes it will.


The devil made me do it!!!

Short, sweet, and to the point.

Hardee's...the purveyor of the chocolate malts of 'yes I gained 9 pounds in 5 days' fame, also of the triple thick burgers that clog your arteries, and add 10 pounds of fat to your ass just looking at the picture, have done it again. What have those sons of satan (yes, I do realize that should have had a capital 'S', I refuse to give him that much credit. I won't say respect as then he'd stick his pitchfork in me! Fear yes, respect, no.)done now? Fried bologna. OMG!!! Evil spawn that they are, they have put something on their menu that I love. Oh ya, I'm low class. Deal with it.

Am I going to have a fried bologna biscuit with egg and cheese this morning?

You bet your gelatinous ass I am!

The devil is going to make me do it!


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

What a great day

OMG I'm on a high.

I'm on the way to my beloved Buttonwood Bay. We'll arrive Friday.

I got to meet Heather on Monday! What a gal! She wrote about me freakin cool is that???? I'm a shining star! lmao I was standing in line at her Weight Watcher meeting to get weighed. Yes, I gained. Was there any doubt? Up 1.7 this week. It's all good though. So, I'm standing in this line. Heather had asked me to say a few words at the meeting. I thought she meant a few words. Did I prepare? No. The lady in front of me and I struck up a conversation, natch. She was all excited like and said 'We're supposed to have a guest speaker today! Heather said we had to be on our best behavior!' OMG I'm now a guest speaker and I didn't prepare!!! I'm shy you know! This lady was great, as were the 3 behind her. We chatted the whole time we were in line. I didn't tell her that I WAS the guest speaker...I just said 'interesting' when she said that.

My mind was a little whirling dervish. There are a lot of things that I want to share with people about weight loss. I had a chance. I didn't want to mess it up. I really wish I'd prepared. First of all I wasn't going to tell them how much I've lost. To me, that isn't inspirational at all. Losing any weight, in a consistent manner, is what it's all about. If you keep at it long enough, the number gets bigger. That's all. TJ is my hero by the way. I've never really mentioned it here. She is a losing rock star. Why? Because she doesn't put the big losses up there. Every single freaking week she loses .6 or .8 and I love it. I've got goosebumps typing this in fact. Can you EVEN imagine what we could all accomplish if we lost .6 each week and didn't have the huge whopping gains in there????? OMG we would rock this world!!!!! I so love you TJ...I've never told you, but I'm coming out of the proverbial closet right here and now! You rock girlfriend!!!!

Crap just once I'd like to start off on a theme and stay with it. OK, here's things I wanted to share and am not really sure if I did.

1. Love yourself. You gotta do it. Find something about yourself you love and focus on it. You are worthy, you are awesome. You have to believe it. When one woman said to me 'you don't have any wrinkles'...I didn't give her a chance to finish. I said, very happily I might add, 'I know! Isn't it great???'! I meant it. I look in the mirror and I see a face that doesn't really, really, look 50. I'm freaking happy. Do I like everything I see when I look in the mirror? Hell no!!! Good Lord there are things that I wish I never had to look at. Know what? I just don't look. Simple as that. I look at the good stuff and faf over the bad. Clothes hide a multitude of sins boys and girls! Are you butt ugly? Fat rolls hanging everywhere? Can't find one hair you love? Are you a happy person? Do you make others smile??? Are you a loving parent??? You do something good. Everyone does. Find that something. Own it. Revel in your success in it. Love it. You are a great person. Believe it yourself and others will!!!

2. No guilt. Did you overindulge? Did you go on an eating frenzy that would make Jaws blush? Own it. Can you change it by feeling guilty about it? Nope. Move on. If it made you uncomfortable, remember that feeling next time you're tempted to binge.

3. Learn from your mistake. Last summer I gained a ton of weight. I bought bigger pants to go to FL as my jeans were so tight I couldn't sit comfortably in the car. I planned to throw them away when I got to FL. That didn't happen. I kept them, and oozed more fat into them until January. They were tight then. It took me until May to get out of them. Maybe June. When I finally got back into the size 16's, I took those size 18's to my meeting and gave them away!!! Oh ya, I may be old, but I can still learn. My size 16's are tight right now. I've gained a ton in the last month. I learned from my mistake though. I'm NOT buying size 18's. I'll suffer in these. Yep, old dogs, new tricks....bring it on!!!

4. Baby steps. I can't say it enough. Slow and steady wins the race and all those other cliches. They're true. Sure, we'd all love to lose 10 pounds a week. We didn't gain it that fast and we ought not to be losing it that fast. Take it slow, plod along, the goal will come. Sure, it might take a long time. So what? Try not to focus on how long it's going to take. Get started, do whatever it takes to lose a chunk. Pretty soon you can just focus on 'wow I've lost 10 pounds'. Not 'groan I have 540 pounds left to lose'. OK so this is two things...sue me.

There are probably more things I'd like to share...but it's time to hit the road here.

Heather, it was a pleasure to meet you. Kent? What a doll baby. If we lived near you, we could cause some major trouble! Will we stop on our way back in FL??? Hell yes we will. Would I attend your WW meeting? Oh God yes! I hope WW knows what a gem they have in you. What an inspiration. What a ball of energy.

I'm just so happy right now.


Monday, September 21, 2009

On the road again

Nah, not blogging about old Willie tonight. TBM and I have hit the road on our yearly migration south. Yep, we're snowbirds.

Tonight's stop is near Cincinnati, OH. We just had an amazing dinner with Heather and her hubby. OMG it was so much fun! Food? Amazing. Guilt? Not on your life.

I had yogurt for breakfast today and I figure that cancels out the ice cream I had tonight. Works in my little world!

Tomorrow I'm going to Heather's Weight Watcher meeting. I've got a feeling it'll be a really fun meeting.

Right now there's a pillow top bed and 4 down filled pillows calling my name. More about tonight when I'm not so tired.

Damn I'm getting old.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

I can't wait for tomorrow's email!

I've set my Windows Live Mail calendar to send me emails every day with the countdown number for our migration to Florida. Just a number...nothing else. So, each morning, I get an email with nothing but a number on it. When I started this, the first email I got simply said 58. Meaning, of course, 58 more days until we were to leave for my favoritest place to be. Tomorrow's email will have the number 1 on it! Woooofreakinhoooo!!! I can't wait to see that little baby in my inbox!

We're leaving Monday morning bright and early. We've got a dinner date near Cincinnati with Heather and her hubby and we can't wait for that! Got my camera charged up and ready to go in fact. I'll be attending her Weight Watcher meeting Tuesday morning where I get to give a little talk. Man oh man I'm not sure she knows what she got herself into there! Insert evil, wicked, laughter here!

I'm actually very pumped about the WW meeting. I love going to new meetings and getting to know new people. I love when I get to speak too as there's always that little glimmer of hope that maybe I can reach someone. It's such a high to help someone overcome an obstacle or to start them in the right direction of a healthier life style.

In our park in Florida a few years ago, a lady asked me what I was doing to lose weight. I told her Weight Watchers. She had a lot of questions, and I had answers. I had enthusiasm as I think WW is a fantastic program. I'm sure this is illegal so maybe I didn't really do this, but I gave her a whole set of Weight Watcher books. I encouraged her to find a meeting when she got back to Canada, but in the meantime, look these books over and let me know if she had any questions. When she came back to the park the next winter, I couldn't believe what I saw. She had not only joined WW in Canada, she had reached her goal! How awesome was that? I like to think I helped.

When I came home to MI this year, my girlfriend here admitted she needed help losing weight. Why not come to Weight Watchers with me I suggested. She did. She got her 25 pound charm last Wednesday!!! I have goosebumps typing that! I was so proud of her. I like to think I helped.

We all help each other. I read blogs that inspire me. I get tips from my Weight Watchers meeting. I talk to friends when I need help. I get encouragement, advice, and a good arse kicking now and then. I have a friend in England that waits patiently every week for me to tell him how I did at my meeting as he knows I hate to be jumped upon the minute I walk in the door with 'well, how did you do?' He doesn't understand my not liking to be asked, but he respects it. How awesome a friend is that? When I have a fantastic week, I make sure to tell him before I blog about it...I think that's only fair. It's all about having each other's backs.

I've got your back.

Have you helped anyone with their weight loss or exercise journey? If not, today is a good day to start!


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Time to pay the piper!

I hate that bastard.

So, as predicted, weigh in was grim. I warned the lady before I stepped on the scale. 'Don't panic' were my exact words. When she was ready I gingerly stepped up onto that appliance of torture. I held my breath hoping that would take off at least 5 pounds. No such luck. The scale read 196.2. Up 6 pounds. I heard the sharp intake of breath from the lady, but to give her credit, she only turned red but didn't pass out. I think she might have been tunking the weight reader thinking it was broken, but I can't be sure.

Have I learned anything? Yep I have. If you eat too much you gain weight. OMG! I didn't know that before!!! Now that I know that, I'll just not eat too much anymore. Problem solved! Oh were it that easy eh?

My meeting was very motivating last night. I got lots of good ideas. One I particularly liked was a 'no' list. We've got this one, anemic, vegan, tree hugger lady in our class. Her nasally whine sends shivers up my spine so I usually tune out anything she says. She's all pale and scrawny and always giving us advice on how we shouldn't eat anything with a face. F that. I respect your diet choice, I really do. Don't push it on me. I love me some meat. I love eggs. Shrimp have faces and they're delish! I am a charter member of PETA (people eating tasty animals). Anytime any of us say we have a problem with a particular food, she'll always spout how we should never have a problem with that food as it's got some animal product in it. We shouldn't even think about liking it because it had an ingredient that used to have a face. Screw that shit, makes me want it all the more! Anyway, if she has no problems with any food, why the hell is she in the class anyway? Crap, I digressed as usual! Sorry....I do tend to go on rants. Let's get on with the one good idea this peaked, whining, scrawny, thing with a face ever had shall we? A 'no' list.

A 'no' list is a page in your journal or your calendar, or whatever, that every time you say no to something, you get a brownie point. Mmmmm brownies...oops sorry again. I love that idea! The more we practice self control, the easier it'll become. What a good habit to form eh??? This morning, as of course I'm still not back OP, I got out the butter to go on my english muffin. I also had out the natural peanut butter and the all fruit jam and the skim milk. I was waiting for the muffin to toast and was getting the butter on the knife. I thought about it a minute, and put it back in the bowl. I told myself no. I'm having peanut butter, I don't need butter also. Wow, that was a great feeling! Imagine if I did that 10 more times today. Even though I'm not on program, I could still maintain this week if I try hard enough. I could break a nasty habit of always indulging my every whim. I'm a list maker, and this is kind of a list. I can challenge myself to add more 'no's every day! I want mashed potatoes for dinner, no I think I'll have green beans instead. Yay! Another sticker on my calendar or hash mark in my book or whatever. I'm visual. This is a tip I can use. I think I'll use stickers. I like stickers.

Let's all say no shall we???


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Oh yes I did!

Did TBM and I go here yesterday???

Oh yeah!

OH, and watch the video here. Did I eat the DDD burger? Hell yes I did! Did I eat a big plate of deep fried gizzards? Hell yes. Did I eat a plate of deep fried cauliflower, poppers, pickles, cheese sticks? Oh yes, dipped in ranch dressing too.

Did I consider the deep fried nutter butters with a side of jam? Did I pause to think about a deep fried Twinkies, oreo's, or cheesecake? Oh sure I did. I passed on that...after all, I'm on Weight Watchers!

Good grief I was ill. My mouth was in heaven right up until my stomach started to revolt! I could just hear it screaming at me. 'Are you f'ing out of your mind woman????' "WTF are you doing to me???" I tried to calm it...I promised nothing but salads and fruit for days to come. It kept screaming back. At one point I heard it holler 'EVERYONE OUT OF THE POOL!!!' That scared me. It didn't scare me as much as when I heard it holler 'OK, half of you go out the way you came in, and the other half take the back door!!!'

Joe's Gizzard City was the cap off of a trip to Wisconsin to visit my son and family. Eating was far from stellar there too. I took lasagna for one meal. I brought zucchini bread and butter for the room and of course I found peanut butter cake in the freezer so took that too. Gotta clean out the freezer before FL you know!! We found a Cold Stone Creamery. We dined at a place called 'The Machine Shed'...twice. The list goes on. Good food, and lots of it. Oink oink baby!

My hopes of a maintain this week are shot. I'm guessing I haven't got this self control thing down yet. I'm not giving up, I'm too stubborn for that. I live in hopes that some day I'll learn moderation.

Have I learned anything from this week? Yep, I've learned that if I ate a few less deep fried gizzards there would be room for a deep fried Oreo or two!

Hey, baby steps right?


Sunday, September 13, 2009

It's not lookin good

for a maintain this week!

I'm afraid, even despite planning ahead, I have eaten a bit too much on this trip to Wisconsin. OK, more than a bit too much. I admit it. I ate the whole pig. I don't know what kind of warped person puts eclairs on a breakfast buffet...but since they did, I ate them. I'm drinking diet pop right now...does that help? I am pretty sure I read somewhere that if you drink diet pop it cancels out all the other calories you ate that day. Ya, that's the ticket!

We've had a great time here in Wisconsin. Took the grandbabies to the pool today and then tonight to an interactive park. Good times.

I hurt my back today. Just WTF I needed. Hoping it's just strain from carrying the grandson a lot at the zoo yesterday. Fingers crossed.

No internet until Tuesday good while I'm gone!


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Daddy's takin us to the zoo tomorrow

That was a song we sang at girl scout camp 100 years ago. C'mon, sing along,

Daddy's takin us to the zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow.
Daddy's takin us to the zoo tomorrow and we can stay all day.

So, TBM and I are going to the Milwaukee Zoo today with the fam. Can't wait! I do love zoos. I don't like monekys though. They're creepy little creatures...evil even. Kind of like clowns with tails.

I actually ate 1/2 an apple with my breakfast. Working on getting in fruit and veg. I don't like apples, but it's what we had here in the hotel room. I brought stuff from home you see.

Lunch will be cauliflower and carrots that I brought from home and last night's left over pig. Yum!

We've got a while before we go to the boyo's I hope you're sitting down for this. I'm going to gear up and go for a walk!

OMG Pixie is on a maintain roll....well I hope so anyway!

I'm stoked!


Friday, September 11, 2009

All around a pig's ass is pork

It's all the fault of Carlos! All his talk about pork and stuff. Any of you remember Flip Wilson? He used to squeal 'The Devil made me do it!!'...well tonight I was saying 'Carlos made me do it!'

We had a pig fest tonight. We're in Wisconsin visiting my second son and his family. I got in some good grammy snuggling pre-pork fest and it was awesome.

We had a late dinner and went to a great restaurant. Den had stuffed pork loin and I had a half rack of baby back ribs. OMG they were melt in your mouth good. It was served with a large bowl of both cottage cheese and cole slaw and a basket of bread, natch. My dinner came with mashed taters and gravy and also some baked beans. Den's came with mashed taters and a bowl of buttered carrots. The table was groaning I swear. It was bone sucking good.

The difference between this porcine adventure and ones in the past is we brought left overs home. Yep, even TBM only ate 1/2 of his meal. I quit with meat still on the ribs...unheard of in the past. We did wipe out the bread basket, but to be fair it only had 1 bread roll in it and 2 small sweet bread squares. Burrrp

I lost .6 at my WI Wednesday. Holy shit was I pumped. My goal, if you remember, it to maintain until I get my act together back in FL. I'm practicing mindful eating and trying to only eat when hungry and stop when full etc. Didn't work so well tonight so tomorrow I'll try to be more vigilant. I'm stoked at my .6 loss!!!!!

We're going to the zoo tomorrow with the fam. It should be awesome. For once I know I won't be the fattest broad there. Oh the power that instills.

I think I'm doing great. I think I might be learning stuff. I used to talk to my Daddy a lot...I'd tell him I think this and I think that....I'd ask him what he thought and often he'd say 'I think all around a pigs ass is pork'.

Oink oink baby!


Thursday, September 10, 2009

The orange cones of life

Good morning boys and girls. I had an epiphany this morning while pouring my coffee. If you're on the word challenged side of the road, yes, I am old, have had 3 sons, and that does indeed happen. If you're among the edjumacated, I'm going to share my thoughts with you. God help you all as I've not had my coffee yet.

Here's the skinny. We all have problems in our life. Some mental, some physical,'re just an asshole and there's no cure for you. No, not really...told you, no coffee yet. I am of the 'glass half full' school. It makes me happy, it keeps me going, it works for me. I find ways to take my problems and make them not so bad. I find away around them. I always thank God as whatever He gave me to carry, I know it could be worse. So, here's what happened this morning while pouring my coffee.

I've developed arthritis. Out of the blue, one day in July I believe it was, I woke up and my fingers looked like talons of a scary bird. Oh, it didn't stop there. My ankles hurt, my knees hurt, my hips hurt, my elbows hurt, my shoulder hurt. Every single joint in my whole body hurt. I'm not exaggerating for sympathy. If it bent in my body, it hurt. Had that ever happened before? No. Did it get worse over the next month? Yes. My hands are the worst I'm sure because I work with them daily. I grip a big knife and chop, chop, chop for hours. I use an immersion blender for about an hour a day. The lettuce chopper looks like a Victorian torture device and it requires a lot of strength to raise the dohicky up and slam it down. My digits are screaming for sure! They ache when I'm not even moving them. Always. I get up in the morning and I can't bend my fingers. Try tossing the blanket off yourself if you can't bend your fingers. Try opening a door knob if you can't grip. Don't even get me started on trying to get the toilet paper off the roll. Oh yes, as the knees and hips hurt, lowering yourself to the toilet first thing is even a challenge! OK, so how does that play into my sermon of the day? We just have to detour around the orange cones of life.

I got up 2 days ago and went to pour my coffee into my thermos and I couldn't lift the pot. My fingers couldn't grip the handle tight enough and my wrists didn't have the strength to lift it. WTF was I going to do? I get up a few hours before TBM. I weighed my options. I would find away around this problem, I just had to use the grey matter. I could make 1/2 pots of coffee from now on. One for me, one for TBM. Nah I didn't like that idea, and it wouldn't help me right then anyway. I got the bright idea to get a pot holder and use 2 hands to pour my coffee. Lift with the right, support with the left. If I stood on my tippy toes, it wasn't as hard on the shoulder to get the pot high enough for the thermos either. There ya go, problem, solution. I want my coffee in the morning. I want it bad. I found a way to have it.

I'm hoping when I get to Florida the pain will subside a bit. I won't be using my fingers as much, the heat will be healing. If not, I'll cross that path when I come to it. I'm not looking ahead for problems. I just try to deal with the ones I have today and not worry about tomorrow.

When we find problems in the way of our weight loss journey, we have to find a solution. We can't just give up and say we can't do it. If we want it bad enough, we'll find a way around the obstacle. Do you have something that always seems to block your path? If so, think hard today what you could do to detour it next time. Laugh if you want to cry. Hold on tight and find your support where you can.

Don't give up. Lift with the right, support with the left!


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Getting over the hurdles

Ready! Set! Go!

Can you just picture kids in their track uniforms poised and ready for the gun shot? All pumped full of adrenalin waiting for the chance to shoot out of the block? BANG! The gun is fired and they all sprint forward ready to clear that first high hurdle. Some fly over it gracefully and race toward the next while some of us catch our foot on the damn thing and fall flat on our face.

Jumping hurdles is exactly like dieting. Remember back to the first day of your diet. Weren't you full of motivation and ready to rock and roll? How did that go for you? Did you clear the bar or did you trip and fall?

What would the kid on the track do? Would the one that caught his foot on the bar just lay there to be trod upon? Would he think 'well I'm down, I might as well have a nap?' Um no, he'd get up and go on. That's what we have to do on our weight loss and exercise journey. If we slip up and fall down, we need to get up and move on. Don't just lay there. Get up, brush yourself off, forget the slip and move on.

Don't be like the kid that lays there and looks at his sneaker either. You know the one. The one that pretends it was his shoe's fault that he didn't' clear the hurdle. Loose lace, floppy sole, whatever, it's just an excuse. He has to blame someone else as surely it couldn't be his own fault. Nope, we must suck it up as it was all our fault. Nobody is forcing food into our mouth and massaging our throats to get it to go down. Ultimately we make the decision to eat so we're the one that has to make the decision to stop. We need to pull on our big girl panties, or man up, depending on the sex, and move on.

C'mon everyone....suit up and let's hit that track shall we? We can do this. We can cross that finish line. Unlike track, it isn't a race to the finish. We don't have to do it in 30 flat. It's all about reaching the goal no matter how long it takes. READY? SET! GO!!!!

Who's with me?


Monday, September 7, 2009

If you're going to binge....

I think you ought to purge.

My daughter in law did it last night and I bet she wakes up feeling better today. I bet it'll be easier for her to remain on her Weight Watcher plan today. I've done it many times in the past and it always helps me.

Yep, you heard me right. I think purging is fantastic!! Now, lemme explain. Have you been on a binge for a few days, weeks, months, even years? If you answered yes, whatever do your kitchen cabinets look like? What's hiding in your fridge and freezer? What's stuffed under the beds and hidden in the trunk of your car? If you're anything like me, they'd all be full of things that weren't healthy for sure!

Last night Tara was on a cleaning frenzy. They've been having a tough time diet wise for the last few weeks. She was purging her cabinets and fridge of all things not healthy. I may, or may not have gone through the trash! When she wakes up this morning, she'll be faced with diet friendly waters.
What a fantastic idea. Create an environment conducive to weight loss. If it's not here, she'll have to run out to get it. That's not the easiest thing with an 18 month old for sure.

Life is full of start overs. It's not a failure, it's a new beginning. We're not perfect and we shouldn't beat ourselves up over slip ups. So you screwed up on your weight loss plan and gained 100 pounds. Purge, and start over. Today is fresh, a clean slate ready to be written on. If you mess up today, wipe that sucker off and start again tomorrow. Purging can be done as many times as it takes.

I was asked to speak at a Weight Watcher meeting several years ago after losing 100+ pounds. I loved it as I'm not a shy person. I really thought I had ideas to share which helped. I began with the following line: Hello everyone, welcome to Weight Watchers. "My name is Debby and I've lost over 100 pounds." (insert applause and gasps here) (now insert a very serious look on my face) "I've got an eating disorder. I am bulimic." (insert concerned looks, and 'oh no' shakes of the head here) "I just haven't learned how to purge yet!" (insert laughs and sighs of relief here!) I then went on to explain that I really had learned how to purge, and let them know that they could purge too!

It's true. No matter how long I stay on this Weight Watcher plan, contrary to my dedication, motivation, and any other 'ions' you can think of, eventually the binge monster gets me and I go off on a frenzy. Sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes a week, sometimes months, or even years. I always, always, always, come back to my senses. I purge and I come back to Weight Watchers. It's always in the back of my mind and eventually I am able to bring it to the front where it belongs. Do I beat myself up for the lapse? Nope, I pat myself on the back for being so smart to get back on the program. That's how I roll.

So, if you're out there on a binge right now, feel free to purge. It's not taboo, I promise.

Tara, good luck to you guys on this journey. It's long and it's damn hard but it IS do-able! Yep, even with an 18 month old. Yep, even though you're under mega stress with your classes this semester (good luck on your first exam today). Yep, even though you live with my son, it's do-able. Purge as often as needed and just never give up.


Sunday, September 6, 2009

Justifying our exucses

I know I'm good at it. Very, very, good. That's how I got to be a sedentary 368 pounder.

What do I mean by justifying our excuses? How bout these....

I don't have time to exercise.

I'm too busy to eat breakfast.

I don't like vegetables.

I want good food, I don't want diet food.

My metabolism won't let me lose weight.

I've tried Weight Watchers (or insert other diet here) but I gained weight on it.

They're all BS. Yep, pure and simple. They're excuses.

Let's start at the beginning shall we?

I'm too busy to exercise. No, that means you just don't want to. Oh, I'm right there with you, I don't wanna either! I don't care how busy we are, there is always 10 minutes somewhere not being utilized properly. Get out of bed 10 minutes earlier. Skip that TV show and move. Move during the TV show for goodness sakes. You say you work all day? I'm sure you break for lunch. Eat a light salad and hoof it for the rest of your break. You don't like to get sweaty at work? Go before...go after....just go!

I'm too busy to eat breakfast. Oh puleezzz! Again, I'm there. I hate eating when I get up. I'm just not hungry. We know it's good for us. It fires our metabolism, gets us revved up for the day. Think of your body like a wood stove. When you get up in the morning, it's just embers. You need to load some wood on that baby and get it burning hot! It doesn't have to be a 3 course bout some toast and peanut butter? What about a yogurt and a piece of cheese? A small bowl of cereal with 1/2 a banana? Cookies? Oops, sorry that one slipped in there! You're busy in the morning? Make 1/2 a sandwich the night before and grab it and go. Apples are portable too. There are ways around 'too busy to eat breakfast'.

I don't like vegetables. Oh God gag me, I hate them! My very good friend Clair says I have a 'reluctance to embrace vegetative matter'! I love that, and him. What do I do? I hide them. Yep, I treat myself like I'm a kid. I puree stuff and hide it. Zucchini can be put in almost anything and you don't know it's there. Spinach cooks down to nothing and doesn't have a strong taste in things. Try these mini meatloaves with pureed veg in them. I make homemade pasta sauce...nothing BUT veg. Oh yes, there are ways my friend!!! V-8 fusion light. If you really can't eat a veg, drink that. Not as good as the real thing, but tasty and better than nothing!

I want good food, I don't want diet food. Learn to make diet food good food. There are so many tasty recipes out there. Scour magazines, websites, cook books, blogs. Mexican can be made diet friendly as it's got so many spices in it. Cajun too. I make a wicked jambalaya. I love curry chicken...spice it up with flavor and not fat. You want a cookie? Have one...not the whole package. Moderation rocks. Don't deprive yourself. You want a banana split? I have them VERY often. I use 1/2 cup of Breyer's Free vanilla ice cream (1 point), 1/2 a banana (1 point), 1.5 cups of strawberries (1 point), 1 tablespoon of Hershey's syrup (1 point), Reddi Whip fat free (0 points), 7 cocoa powdered almonds (1 point). I've got a huge bowl of goodness, 2 fruits and a healthy fat too....5 points and it's freakin awesome. Don't think of foods as off limits...think of a way to make them diet friendly or think smaller portions. Don't think of food as good and bad...think of food as food.

My metabolism won't let me lose weight. Shake it up then! Move more, eat different food. Keep it guessing so it doesn't know what you're going to do next. You may have a slow metabolism, I know I do, but you have one. You may lose slow, but you will lose if you stick with it. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. You might 'only' lose .5 a week and think that's not worth it. It's 26 pounds a year! Don't give up and use metabolism as an excuse. Just stick with it.

I've tried Weight Watchers and it didn't work. I get that so many times and I have to bite my tongue. Of course it works. It's worked for years. They keep making it better and better too. They do research so we don't have to. They find what trends work, and what doesn't, and implement them into their program or toss them out, whichever they deem necessary. If Weight Watchers didn't work for you, you weren't doing it right. That sounds brutal, but it's true. There are so many ways to tweak the program if you're stagnant. The biggest thing I've found when I do address their complaining of WW not working, is they lost too slow so it wasn't working. Hello? We're supposed to lose slow!!! If you're losing anything at all, it's working! You've been eating 22 points for a month and haven't lost a thing? Try eating 20 points, or 24 points. Try eating extra points one day and your target points the next. Keep it guessing! Move more, eat different will work if you let it, if you work with it. Make sure you're positive about your portion sizes. If you're not weighing and measuring, you can't be sure. You might think you know what 3 ounces of chicken looks like, but you might be surprised to weigh it and find you're really eating 6! I have a friend in FL that doesn't lose. She swears she's doing it 100%. In the next breath she'll tell me that she doesn't count her coffee creamer, her fat free cool whip, her microwave popcorn...they still count! Just because you don't count it doesn't mean it doesn't count! Make sure you're working it 100% and it really, really, really, will work.

If we want it bad enough, we will achieve it.

I want it bad enough. Do you?


Friday, September 4, 2009

What is my true goal?

How are the choices I'm making going to help me achieve that goal?

Hey, not bad words to ponder eh? I get a daily email from Jillian Michaels and this little gem was just tossed in there.

I think we need to look at both long term, and short term goals. Sometimes, like right now for me, I need a freakin break! I need a break from planning, measuring, thinking 24/7 about my diet. I so want it to just become routine. I don't think that's ever going to happen. So, right now, I need a break. Unlike past times when I've 'needed a break', this time I care if I gain. In the past, I really just wanted to eat whatever I wanted and I didn't care if I gained. This time I care.

I'm going to try to remember this quote and say it to myself. Today at work when I want pizza, and I WILL want pizza and more, I'm going to try asking myself how eating that pizza will help me achieve that goal. My goal until I get back to Florida is to maintain. So, one slice of pizza would help me achieve that goal, whereas 4 would not.

I want to learn to make healthy choices without obsessing over them. My restaurant does have healthy choices believe it or not! I don't ever think 'ohhhh I want a big bowl of pasta fagioli (pronounced pasta fazool)', or 'I'm just dying for a big bowl of salad made with romaine, diced beets, fresh mushrooms, red onions, cucumbers, and fat free raspberry vinaigrette'. So, for today, I'm going to try to change my thinking. When I want the pizza and the cheesy sticks dipped in ranch dressing, I'm going to ask myself how that's going to help me accomplish my goal of maintaining. THEN I'm going to tell myself that if I have the soup instead, the next time I want a treat I'd be able to have it.

We have excellent homemade garlic toast (made from homemade french bread even) that goes with the soup. Yes please, I'll take 100! I bought some baked bagel chips with light sea salt. I'm going to take a few of those with me instead of having the garlic toast. It's still a treat, but a much better choice than the buttery garlic toast. My plan for the next month is going to be about learning choices, learning compromise. I may be old, but I'm still willing to learn!

I want to learn that treats are OK if we really want them. I want the pizza and the cheesy sticks because they're there. I see them, I smell them. I need to learn not to eat at those times. I need to learn to weigh my options.

I don't want to have to weigh and measure my food for the rest of my life. I want to learn to eat right most of the time and learn to judge portions. I've never trusted myself to do that. I've always weighed and measured. I plan, and journal also. I've got myself in a funk lately thinking that I'll have to do this for the rest of my life. When I don't, I gain. That's not really how it is though. I've never practiced mindful eating. When I didn't track and plan and weigh and measure, I was off on an eating frenzy just trying to pack in everything and anything. This isn't what this hiatus is about. This hiatus is to learn how I can maintain when I've lost all I want to lose. I need to show myself that I'm not always going to have to weigh and measure etc.

I'm so hoping I can maintain and it'll help my mental health to no limits. We're talking about 3-4 weeks here. When I reach my goal at WW I'll only have to weigh in once a month. So, this will show me if I can do it. I'm thinking I'll find that I'll need to weigh and measure occasionally. I can live with that. I can live with writing down what I eat every day too. I just don't want to be as obsessed.

I'm sure a lot of you are saying 'Ya, well let me know how that works out for ya OK?' I hear ya, I'm thinking the same thing myself.

I lost .2 this week at WI. I was freaking pumped.

I'm so fired up for this next week I could almost spit. I'm already telling myself that I want the soup at work today. It's all about choices. I've got my grapes in a container and my WW yogurt ready to tote. I didn't measure the grapes. I put them in the container I always do. It might be more, or even less than a cup. It was so freeing to just put them in there without measuring them first! Oh what a rebel I am!

Who says staying the same means stagnation? I think it means freedom!!!


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thursday Thoughts

Hi guys. I'm not dead!

We're in the final countdown for leaving for Florida. Only 18 more days! I can hardly wait.

Tonight is my WI. Not sure what to expect. I'm hoping for a small loss. I will be satisfied with maintains until I get to FL. Here's hoping!

I've been quite busy this week. As you know, I work in a restaurant. This week, being the build up to Labor Day, and us living in a resort town, is mega busy. My fingers hurt so bad...I just can't wait until my last day of work to see if the pain is a bit better without all the physical work with my digits. Getting older sucks.

I haven't read blogs in days. So much for my resolution to do that!!! I have Sunday off, so maybe I can catch up then!

Nothing really new here, just wanted to stay in touch. Send me strong vibes so I can control the eating until I get to FL please. I'm going to need them!

I'll let you know how the weigh in went.