Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Not Mrs. Frankenstein

But I'm alive!!!


I wasn't worried about the procedure, I was just worried I'd not come out of the anesthesia. I did! I really want to thank all of you that sent emails. Big hugs and kisses all around. Do so love my friends. Yes, even the one that called me at 10PM and woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep after that. Love you the most...well since you're family I kinda have to eh? BTW, when you come to FL this winter, we MUST get together. I'll take a day off work even!

OK, so peeps? It's getting time for this tub of lard to reduce to a small container of reduced fat, non hydrogenated, spread.

Ya, so the M & M's and wine have added 4 pounds to me. Maybe it was the bags of saline solution? Ya, I'll go with that instead!

I just finished tearing out a lot of recipes from the newest WW magazine. Some of them sound really good.

I'm going to start walking Wednesday. I can't shower until then, and well, you get the drift of putting off the walk eh?

We're having chicken lasagna for dinner tonight. It does have broccoli in it. I'm thinking a small piece with a green salad. Somehow gotta figure this crap out. If dinner is a bit higher point/calorie/whatever, lunch could be skinnied down. Turkey on whole wheat with tomatoes and avocado for lunch. Sorted.

I gave up my WW membership. I can't go to the meetings because of my new job. That means I've lost my online recipe builder. I loved that. Input the ingredients, and it would tell me how many points. So, sitting here feeling deprived...doh. Calories. It really is about calories in and calories out no matter what plan you're on. WW has just done it for us with the point system. So, I'll have to do it by hand, but I can figure calories. If anyone knows of a good online calorie dohickey, let me know.

OK, in rambling mode now. Just wanted to touch base. Let you know I made it and I'm wanting to get back on the wagon.

Thank you to all of you who cared!!!

Peace be the journey


Sunday, November 14, 2010


Funny a person that writes a blog for the world to read is really very private about some things.

Oh I don't mind telling you about my fat and my sagging skin. I have no aversion to discussing my armpit hair or my twat (I had to put that in as my MIL hates that word and I do try to work it into conversation now and then). Sex doesn't embarass me, and you all fucking know that foul language doesn't upset me. I don't mind telling you about my aches and pains. I do, however, abhor talking about my serious health problems when they arise.

I'm sitting here right now feeling very selfish. I know my friend wants to be with me, to lend me encouragement, but I haven't let her.

I'm having surgery tomorrow. I haven't told many people. I only told my kids yesterday. Shit, I just realized I forgot to tell one of my kids and now he's probably going to be pissed at me too. So, if you're a good friend, or some of my family that I didn't tell, don't be upset.

I don't like to be fussed at. I like to deal with these things all by myself. Internal. It's not that I don't want anyone to know, I just don't like drama. I hate the look of 'oh my God' in their eyes. I hate telling details over and over. Selfish? Yep. So sue me. That's the way I am.

I'm not a worrier. If I die tomorrow, it'll suck ass for sure. Worrying isn't going to change any of that. Am I sitting here drinking wine and eating M & M's out of the bag? You bet your ass I am. If I do kick off, I'd be so fucking pissed off at myself for not indulging! Will I be upset at myself when I wake up from the anesthesia and realize I drank a bottle of wine and ate a pound of peanut M & M's for nothing? Hell no...hello....woke up from the anesthesia! Also, peeps, peanut M & M's are never for nothing!

I wasn't going to mention anything here, but if you never heard from me again you'd wonder why!

So, when I wake up tomorrow, I have no reason not to start exercising and eating right. See, I didn't bother the last month as...well what a waste of time just in case...ya know??? I'll expect no mercy after tomorrow.

Anesthesia makes me puke...that should negate the M & M's right?

Peace be the journey


Sunday, November 7, 2010

I can do it all by myself!

How often did we hear that when our kids were little. Or, how often are you hearing it now if you haven't got yours all grown up???

I am catching up on emails today and hopefully a few blogs too. My house is going to get some attention and I'm going to put a fabulous meal into the crock pot as I'm picking a friend up from the airport today. I'm also going to pack up everything from yesterdays garage sale. Lots to do. Right now, however, is ME time. I'm loving it. TBM is still at work, the sun is coming in my window (though it's so f'ing cold I can't believe it! Florida should NOT be 45 degrees!!!), it's quiet, and I had about 11 hours of sleep. Life is good.

So, back to the little foot stamping "I can do it all by myself!'

Reading one of my daily health emails, she was talking about diet sabateurs. Friends or family that try to screw up your diet, your healthy plans. Do you have those in your life? I don't. I can do it all by myself with no help from the outside!!!!

I have friends that really want to help. They try everything, but I'm the one to thwart myself. Spoiled brat? You betcha.

My friend Mary K. asked me to help her. I thought that was a euphamism for 'come on you moron, I'll pretend I need help so you'll get your fat ass up and do something healthy for yourself'. Um, no, it didn't. I'm not helping her, but she's out walking almost daily. She really did want my help and I let her down. Some helper I am.

Another friend Marty is always telling me what a role model I am and how I inspire her. So, what do I do? Gain 50 pounds and flounder like a fish on dry land. Some role model I am.

My friend Ian is arriving today for 6 months. He always tries to help. In truth, we can help each other. He doesn't know a lot about healthy eating, but he's a good walker.

I think I'm going to work on the circle of life here. If I help Ian with his diet, he can help me with my walking. If I try try to help MK with what she needs, maybe I'll get back to being a role model for Marty. All three of them can help me so very much.

Maybe it's time to stop being a 2 year old.

Maybe I can't do it all by myself.

Hmmmm what a concept. I do it with the help of others...doesn't mean I didn't do it!

Peace be the journey


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Everyday life

I find it amazing how many times something said in everyday life, not meant to be about getting healthy, really relates.

For example. TBM had a gross thing on his ear. Had it shaved off 3 different times, burned off once. Just now had it cut out. It was cancer. He was told this.

"Shaving it off doesn't get the root."

Just like my journey to healthy living. Maybe not yours, but mine.

I can go gung ho at a weight loss program. Exercise like a machine. Then, much like a car that has just rolled 1 mile over warranty, screech to a grinding halt.

I must get to the root of my overeating. I can't just keep shaving it off the top. I always thought I'd lose the weight and then figure out what my problem was so it didn't come back. Oops, found out that was the wrong order for me!

I have to find out what's at the root of my overeating. WHY do I do it? THEN lose the weight and keep it off.

I really hate how I feel right now. I'm not comfortable in any of my clothes. None of them. Hate the feeling. So, what makes me keep shoveling it in? Good stuff to ponder for sure.

I hiked my butt out this morning for a walk. My knees are killing me. I keep telling myself they'll feel better with every pound I get off.

Just call me Dr. Debby as I'm going to get to the root of this. Yep I am.

Peace be the journey


Tuesday, October 26, 2010


You all know I love my 'notes from the Universe'.

Everyone, Debby, lives the life of their choosing.

Not just what they chose, but what they're choosing.

Game on,
The Universe

Game on indeed.

I am fat because I choose to eat food that isn't wise. My knees hurt because I'm fat because I chose to eat junk. Lots of junk. I intend to start choosing differently. I made me what I am, and I can change me. Oh hell ya!

Today I choose to use my lunch hour to move my bod in the pool.

Today I choose to not eat potato chips.

Today I choose to eat a fruit and a veg.

Today I choose to treat my body better so it will treat me better.

My biggest choice today is to start blogging about once a month. I'm having trouble fitting everything in with a full time job. I'm just not used to it. It's what I have to do for me. I have time to either read blogs or write blogs. I choose read for now.

Peace be the journey


Friday, October 22, 2010


About a month ago someone asked me to do a guest post for their blog. I never saw it there, and I sure didn't want to waste it! Sharing it here today.

Going to a new doc today at 9. Hope it's a fit. If not, I'll keep looking.

Man it's something that is needed in weight loss and healthy living for sure.

When X asked me to blog on endurance, I thought it could be a quite interesting topic.

I read a lot of blogs and lots of them are rock stars of endurance. I'm not going to use links here as this isn't my blog. If you mosey on over to my blog you'll be able to find all the people I talk about here in my blogroll. Wow, I just went to check and I only had like 4 on my blog roll....fixed that pronto!

OK, so of course the first one that comes to mind is TJ. OMG she is the queen of endurance. Loses slowly, but never gives up. Sticks with it. True endurance. Bitchcakes has been with it for ages, and reached goal and is maintaining. Endurance. Fit to the Finish, wow she's been at goal for ages. Endurance. Heather, goal, former Weight Watcher leader, keepin it off. Endurance. The list like that goes on.

There's another list though. A list of those of us that have tried, slipped a little (OK a lot!), tried again, slipped some more, tried again...seeing a pattern here?

Bigger Boat, Fat Daddy, Mason's Mommy, Puffypixie, CJ, this list also goes on.

Who has endurance? Those from list A, or those from list B? I'm here to tell you both of them.

If you're a member of list B, do not, and I repeat, do NOT think you have failed. It takes true endurance to keep trying. I don't give a shit what some out there think. Trying again after it didn't go so well the first time is true freaking endurance. Hell yes it is. We're like the Energizer Rabbit...keep going and going and going.

We learn from our screw ups. We get back up on that horse and we try again. We may not make it this time either, but by golly we're going to learn something in the process. We will get it one day. We really will. I have confidence.

I've learned that the more times I don't succeed, the harder it is to gain back lost ground. Not fair, and it sucks. So, knowing that, this time, I intend to not give up lost ground. I've claimed it, climbed to the top and stuck my flag in it, it's mine. I'm not looking at how much ground I have to cover, I'm looking at what I've got under my belt.

Lemme splain. You were on a weight loss program. You were exercising, and you lost 50 pounds and you felt great. You had a blip and you gained 60 pounds. Oh the horror. None of the rest of us have ever done that! So, now, you're back. You look at that 60 pounds now you have to lose on top of maybe some more. Crap, that's a lot. If only you'd not gained that 50 back.

Well cupcake, the if only's aren't going to help you or me. Hell yes, if only I hadn't gained back 50 of the pounds I lost, I'd only have 50 more to get to goal and now I have 100. How the hell is dwelling on that going to help me? It's not. I gained them, they're securely ensconced on my ass, thighs, stomach, you name it. I was stupid and I did it to myself. Oops, it's done. I can't undo it no matter how much I'd like to. So, because I have endurance, I'm back. Hopefully smarter and stronger this time. So like Grant took Richmond, Pixie is taking on the blubber. One pound at a time.

C'mon peeps, come join me.

Endurance today.
Endurance tomorrow.
Endurance forever.

Peace be the journey

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Boy Scout Debby

Man this week is so much better than last. The crockpot has been awesome. Two fantastic dinners. Last night TBM had off and I was dying for tacos. Super TBM to the resuce! He went to the store (I know! Gasp!), and got ground turkey and maters and a few other things. I got home from work 15 minutes early and since he was whipping up dinner, I sat with a glass of wine and my feet up. Oh ya, that's what I'm talking about! I can't wait to see if my little changes are paying off.

In the past, if I wasn't strictly on program, I was strictly off program. If I wanted tacos, it would have been ground beef, tons of guac, piles of cheese, oh and yes, lets pour on the sour cream. Yesterday I asked him to get ground turkey and we used Greek Yogurt instead of sour cream. We also SHARED a 100 calorie pack of guacamole! That's unheard of ppl! It will be so interesting at my WI next week.

My note from the universe today was a little spur in a further direction. I'm not exercising at all. Here it is. Maybe it'll light a little fire under you too.

Although there are a few exceptions, Debby, the more you do, the more you'll get, by huge margins. HUGE.

So unless an exception applies to you, I say do more.

The Universe

Hmmmmmm so even though I'm doing something, maybe I could do a little more? Freakin awesome. I can do more.

Can you?

Peace be the journey


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Reinventing the wheel

I hear that a lot. Don't re-invent the wheel.

Well, was that very first wheel perfect? I doubt it. I bet it needed a bit of tweaking.

Life is like that for me. Maybe not for you, but for me it is.

I was forced to go back to work. Oh, no part time job for me. Oh no, I had to jump in with a 40 hour work week. To say I am not used to this is an understatement!

I have worried a few of my friends with my comments about burning at both ends etc. I need to make things perfectly clear here. Of course I don't want to work, but the job is good. It's right up my alley. It's not physically demanding. I swore I would never do that again. This summer working in the restaurant, coming home every night in tears sucked. This job is excellent, if you have to work. I'm learning new programs on the computer. I get to interact with people. I'm challenging myself and winning and that makes me feel great. I like the job. Will I continue with it after both our houses and our 5th wheel and truck sell? I don't know. I would if it could be done part time, but it can't. I really do love it though, so probably! So, now that that is clear as muc. Let's reinvent shall we?

This last week was difficult as it was all new. I wasn't prepared. I didn't quite know how to go about getting prepared. I tried a few things, they didn't work, so I tried a few more. I'm getting it.

As you know I'm an avid Weight Watchers supporter. I think it's a fantastic program. It works. It really does. I made the difficult decision to cancel my membership. I can't go to meetings. I do know the program. I can use the $40 elsewhere for sure. Money wasn't the reason I cancelled it though. My brain needs a rest. Excuse? Maybe. I know that this week it was all I could do to grab anything to eat, never mind counting points or figuring recipes. That's not going to work for sure! There are bowls of candy sitting around at work and huge bags of individual sized chips. All my favorite things. So, reinventing and preparation were in my future for sure. I couldn't face it M-F, but as I have weekends off for right now, I made it my goal to tackle it yesterday and today.

I've decided to try to do what I've read so many places. Eat less and move more. One step further, I'm going to try eating more whole foods, more healthy options. Incorporate more fruit and veg into my life. I'm planning ahead for the week to come. I planned meals, made a list, and we'll shop later when TBM gets up.

I asked for help. TBM works 3 days a week, midnights. I've asked him to fix dinner on his days off. I'll fix his on the days he works. Sounded like a fair trade to me and he agreed. I'm going to use the crock pot more. I'm going to prepare foods on my days off and freeze them. I thought partial preparation would work. It didn't. Example. I got up Friday morning and put chicken on to simmer. I asked Den to drain it, take the meat from the bone and put it in the fridge so I could make soup when I got home from work. He even chopped the celery, onion, and carrot for me. Bless. I got home at 5:30 and I was just beat. I wanted brown rice in the soup. I like my brown rice to cook about an hour. I didn't want to wait that long to eat. Lesson learned. Wheel reinvented so to speak. I know now that I need food totally prepared or I'm just going to grab what I can. Cooked brown rice freezes well. I shall cook a batch today and freeze it in 1 cup portions for recipes.

So many of you have given me great ideas. I want you to know how much I appreciate them. Yes, I worked a lot of hours and still ran with my kids when they were little. I was younger then. That plays a huge factor. I'm not over the hill by any means, but it is harder now than it was then for sure.

There aren't enough hours in the day to do all I want to do so I have to prioritize. I have to keep my mind sane and my body healthy. Balance is my motto.

I'm going to get this. I really am.

Peace be the journey


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

On the day that you were born

Sing it with me....

The angels got together and decided to create a dream come true!

OK, so I don't have hair of gold, eyes of blue, or a penis, but I'm sure the angels were really singing about me and that brother and sister duo just changed the words around!

I love my birthday. Weird for most women I know. It's my day. Feel free to adore me at will.

I'm 52 today. I don't bother lying about my age. It's just a number. Always has been. Didn't mind turning 40 or 50. Just means a day to get bigger presents!

Big new plans coming in my weight loss journey. Planning to be done because of the new job. Looking forward to the challenge.

Life is good.

Peace be the journey


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What a way to make a living

Working 9-5

Wow. I never thought I'd be doing the 9-5 thing again. Actually, I never did the 9-5 thing. I owned my own daycare back in the day. I made my own hours. They were 7-5 but still, I made them.

This is scary as hell people. I wanted a part time job. One day a week. We're in financial difficulty, but if we're frugal, we'll be OK. We HAVE to sell the house in Michigan. We HAVE to sell the smaller house here in Florida. We HAVE to sell the 5th wheel and the truck. After that, we'll be fine. Until then? It's freaking hell. I'm not complaining. I know people have it a whole shit load worse for sure. Our financial situation right now is of our own choosing. Lots today sure can't say that! TBM has 3 days at work, hoping to pick up 2 more. So far, that's not happening. So, I'd pitch in, get a day a week in the office at the park. Ya, well, that turned into 40+ somehow! WTF????

I have to learn things. I have to learn to be prepared ahead. I did NOT want to fix dinner last night when I got out of work. Well, that's a bad example as yesterday I got up at 6, went to the dermatologist, had something frozen off my head, rushed home and went to work, skipping both breakfast AND lunch. Rushed out of work at 4:45 to get to WW then rushed to eat dinner and rushed to shop. STOP THE FUCKING TRAIN! This is NOT going to be my life. I'm too old for this shit! OMG people, how DO you do this?????

So, now here it is 8am of another 9-5 day and I'm in my nightie typing this drinking coffee chatting on AIM to a friend. Breakfast? Nope. Hell I'm not even dressed yet. Lunch? No frigging idea. Dinner? Hell no, definitely no idea about that.

Kinda scared peeps.

Peace be the journey


Saturday, October 9, 2010

Stop thief!!!!

Too late!

OMG I had to share this picture that I borrowed (stole) from my friend Sally. OK, so she's not my friend, she probably doesn't even know who I am, but you understand the term friend in blogspeak right? I'm a happiness whore. If you make me laugh, you are my friend. So, this morning, Sally is my BFF for sure. I laughed right out loud. Before I finished my coffee. Quite unsettling actually. I got looks of horror from the hubster and the dog cowered in the corner. They probably thought I was going to go on another binge with the 10 inch chef knife. Nah, you only do that once. Anyway, without further ado, I bring you...

I for one have been there. Oh I know I should have my act together "at my age", but know what? I don't. I'm not perfect. Hell I'm not even mediocre...yet. I'm striving for mediocrity though. I'm trying to learn moderation. I'm going to print this little guy off and put him on my fridge. If you're struggling, you are not alone. Let me say that again. You are not alone.

If you've just eaten enough food to keep a camp of starving Ethiopians full for 2 years, don't despair. You are not alone. When I do things like that, I'll think, "OMG I'm the only one in the world that does this". It makes me feel better to know I'm not. That I'm not totally insane.

We can do this people. We may be old dogs, but we can learn new tricks. We can learn to leave one slice in the box. Just one. When we get that licked, we can learn to leave 2 slices. Baby steps. One day we'll learn that we can take just 2 slices from the box and leave ALL the rest.

Oh ya. Nothing better than old doggies learning new tricks.

Peace be the journey


Friday, October 8, 2010

Top 10

Mind to disjointed to make a paragraphical blog this mornin. It's all over the place. I slept maybe an hour last night. Oh that's not going to bode well for today! Things going freakin fantastic here. Mostly.

1. I got a job! That's right peeps, no poor house for me and TBM. Thank fuck.

2. I've been kicking ass at the Weight Watcher program. I actually feel a bit less blubbery. Today should be my meeting, but with my new job I won't be able to go mornings anymore so I have to switch to a night time meeting. With Fat Daddy type thinking here's where my mind went. IF I went to my regular meeting today, I wouldn't go again until a week from Monday at night. So, that means over a week. My mind might, heavy on the might, think oh wow, I can eat an extra day or two and it won't count. Free days, you know? So, I'm not going to my meeting this morning, I'm going Monday night instead. That way I'll be forced to be extra good the next few days because I'm switching from a morning weigh in to an evening one.

3. Did I mention there are big bowls of chocolate candy bars in my new office? Fuck me. Still working on what to do about that. No, they must be there. I have to suck it up. I'm thinking of a big bowl of grapes on my desk. Only for me though. I don't want any nasty ass strangers fingers in my grape bowl.

4. This job is something I've never done. I'm going to be selling real estate in our park. I don't need a license as the park is the broker. Lots of paper work. Lots of computer work. Lots of all kinds of shit I don't know how to do. How fucking awesome is that? Old dog learning new tricks. I feel empowered. Seriously. I'm not afraid, I'm excited. I'm ready to learn and amaze.

5. No exercise peeps. None, nada, zip. WTF kind of failure am I at that? Suzi will be kicking my ass soon. Need a plan. Add that to the list.

6. Lots of personal drama in my life at the moment. I hate drama. I hate not sleeping ALL night. Drama kept me awake ALL night. Shit.

7. I have a worrying breast lump. Sorry guys to just put that out there. I went for my yearly in September. I told her about the lump. I had my yearly mamo followed by an ultra sound by some asshole that I'd much rather have cold cocked than let him palpitate my breast. He and the woman before him were cold, rude, and really pains in the asses. Couldn't see the lump on ultra sound. I get that. So, he'd roll over it with the rolly overy thingy and I'd feel it and say, right there. He, instead of saying 'it's not showing up on the scan', kept saying 'there is no lump'. Well excuse the fuck out of me asshole, YES THERE IS! Now, it may be some kind of benign tissue that doesn't show up on ultra sound, I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but when you've got some fuckwad telling you there is no lump at all, and not only can you feel it with your fingers, you can feel it just there. I can feel it just sitting here...from the inside out, ya know, you're not getting the answers you need. So, ladies, we need to stand up for ourselves. If we feel something is hinky, we need to take it further. I've made another appointment with my doc, who I'm not too sure I'm fond of and this will be the deciding factor. Tell me it's a cyst, tell me it's fatty breast tissue, tell me WHAT it is, because it sure the fuck IS.

8. I've got a 7 bedroom home in MI that needs to sell. I've got a park model in the park here that needs to sell. I've got a 35 foot 5th wheel and a 1ton diesel here that need to sell. I can breathe when those 3 things sell.

9. I ate fruit and veg this week. Holy shit that's huge.

10. On the whole, life is good. My mind is in turmoil, but it will pass. Main thing? All that shit going on in my life right now and I stayed on program. Did you hear that? I STAYED ON PROGRAM. ALL WEEK LONG.

Go me!

Peace be the journey


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I am Queen

Of denial.

Corny, I know, but I love a good pun. C'mon you know I'd rock that Cleopatra look!

So, yesterday I was driving the truck and feeling totally uncomfortable. Oh yes peeps, I'm not comfortable in anything but a nightgown or bathing suit right now. Why? Well I'm too damn fat that's why! I hate the feeling of the fat oozing over the top of my jeans. Worse yet is what oozes out the back. Caught sight of myself sitting in a chair at cards the other night. Pfffft on window reflections. It's very hard for me to hoist myself up into the truck, or even up into bed for that matter. Everything hurts and is screaming. Hell I'd scream too if someone made me carry 50 extra pounds and expected me to do it as well as I used to. So what the heck happened?


I was below 200. I was an exercising machine. I even had a personal trainer. My stomach problem came back. The one where I can't eat solid food. Man let me just tell you how bad that sucks. You think it would be heaven if you couldn't eat? It's not. I never felt good as what food I ate didn't digest. It just sat in the stomach and rotted. I never felt could you with food rotting in there? If I ate, I could eat 1 or 2 bites at most. Nothing solid at all. One bite of meat and I was done for the day. Bread? Nope. Popcorn? Nope. Pasta? Nope. I was reduced to protein drinks so at least I could get some protein in. Fruit juices, yogurt. Didn't lose weight either. Now that really sucks ass people. No solid food and no losing weight? Pfffft. It's called gastroparysis and it's the devil. Don't know what caused it the first time, though I was in Mexico at the time so I still wonder if it's not somehow virus related. Lasted about a year, year and a half and then one day it was just gone. Oh the joy! Gained a butt load of weight because, well, I could eat again! Was gone for a year or so, then BAM it came again. Repeat scenario. Third times a charm right? Last December I flew home for a week. January 2 the tummy trouble was back. OMG I was so depressed. That made me wonder if stress could trigger it. So I decided to try to will it to go away. Don't know if that worked or what, but this time instead of lasting for a year or more, it only lasted a month or two. I was happy. I started to eat. I gained weight. denial. Just once I'd like to stay on topic!!!!!

I was under 200...I gained about 9 pounds after being able to eat again. It was so wonderful to enjoy all my favorite foods again. I knew I needed to get back on program. My clothes were getting a wee bit tight. I still felt pretty though. I quit exercising as all my joints hurt. Long story, but man everything hurts. So I gained some more.

I knew I was up over 215 now, but surely it can't be fat. I mean honest to God fat. It has to be water weight. You can't just gain 15 pounds that quickly. When I get back OP it'll just melt off.

I'm now up over 225 and forced to buy new clothes. Must really be retaining water. Never a doubt in my mind it'll just spring from my body when I rejoin Weight Watchers.

We get ready to head back to Michigan. I know that we're going home to get the house ready to sell. Lots of work. I also know I have to work a real job. A physically demanding job. I figured get home, get settled, then get back on program. I'm up to 235 now. I had to go out and buy more new clothes. Bigger clothes. I had to buy a bigger work shirt and bigger work pants as my uniforms didn't come anywhere close to fitting from the year before. How much water can one body hold???

I had a crap summer. I was in so much pain from working at the restaurant that when I got home I couldn't move. I was so tired from getting the big house clean and spruced up and ready to sell my mind just fizzled. The stress was at top level too. Color me 240.

We finally had our last day of work. We got the house pristine. We got the U-Haul packed up. We loaded up the 5th wheel, tossed the dog in the U-Haul and set off on our journey for Florida for the last time. 1450 miles. Me driving the rig and TBM driving the U-Haul. We arrived in paradise, unloaded, started making this our home. I finally decided it was time to get rid of all this water weight and sucked it up and went back to Weight Watchers 10 days ago. Get out your paint kit and color me 247.2. I hope you have a lot of paint. OMG it's a good thing I was sitting down here at home alone when I looked at that card. I was shocked. How could I be shocked? I mean I had to go buy clothes not once, not twice, but three times. I'm not comfortable doing anything but sitting. So, how could I be shocked?


It just hit me yesterday that this isn't water weight. This isn't going to just melt off. Just because I went back to WW, it didn't take it off over night.

Fuck me sideways...I really have to work at this. Know something else? It's harder this time! That's right people. Harder. Not easier. I was so far into denial I really thought this 'fat' would melt right off as soon as I got my act together. It's not real fat after all. It's new fat. That should be easier to get off. Oh I'm going to work like hell to get back to where I was as I just can't stand this feeling. I will succeed.

Please learn from the Queen of Denial. FAT IS FAT. New fat, old fat, it's all fat and it's harder than hell to get off. SO, if you get some off, work really hard to keep it off folks. It's not easy to get it off again and again. Once that fat gets on you, it's going to fight to stay.

It sucks asp.

Peace be the journey


Monday, October 4, 2010

Work for it

Today, to read my post, you have to go here. I did a guest post for Danica and I'm too lazy to write one for here too!

Not's just that it's gorgeous today and I have stuff to do. Went to coffee hour this morning (no donut for me thank you very much!) and now am off and out!

Peace be the journey


Sunday, October 3, 2010

Clutter control

I was reading an article about clutter control for the home. It hit me how much it pertained to weight loss and healthy living.

#1 Have a plan

Seems like an obvious beginning, but how many of us don't really have a set plan? How do we get a plan? Well here's what Clutter Control 101 suggests.

Have a plan
1. What is your biggest problem?
A. Have the tools you need close at hand.
2. Pick a main goal.
A. Get it done.
B. Perfect it later.

OK, so I want to lose weight right?

* What's my biggest problem? Um, I eat too freaking much! So I chose Weight Watchers. You choose whatever works for you. Then we need to work it.

* Have the tools we need close at hand. What are my tools?

When I go shopping, I have a WW points calculator in my purse. Always.

When I'm planning my food for the day, I use the WW online tracker. I have books for back up in case the Internet is down.

I have a restaurant site in the favorites on my phone so if I'm out, and want food, I know how many points it will cost to eat where.

* Pick a main goal

This is important. Really important. So we want to lose weight. Without a main goal, something in cement, I think we're just destined to fail. We're just flopping around like fish on dry land. I think we need both a long term, and a short term goal. When I first began my journey, I knew I had 200+ pounds to lose. It was too much to think of that, so I took it a week at a time. My main goal (which I know now was a mistake), was to get under 200 pounds. I did that. Then I stopped. That was my main goal. I wasn't bright enough to THEN form another main goal. I was lost and I didn't know where to go from there. I went back up. This is why I think we need more than one. Even if you have 300 pounds to lose, your main goal should be your bottom line. Where do you want to be when you're finished? Keep it somewhere in the back of your mind even when working on your short term goals. Don't think of how hard it will be to get there, just think, "yep some day I'm going to weigh 150 pounds".

* Get it done

You've got your goal, your tools, now go to it. Get it done. A day at a time, a step at a time. Be like Nike and just do it. Start your program and go go go.

* Perfect it later

You've started your program, and something isn't quite right. Don't give up. Tweak it a little. Pretty soon it'll be perfect. When it isn't anymore, tweak it again.

We all need a plan. I'm working on mine. Are you working on yours? What have you learned that could help me?

Peace be the journey


Saturday, October 2, 2010

Calories in calories out

Again all the good stuff I want to blog about has to wait because of something that just happened.

We've all heard losing weight is all about calories in calories out. Makes sense to me. I buy it.

I belong to Weight Watchers as most of you know. Love it. Love the program. Love the freedom. Love the balance of it. Yes, it's a fabulous program.

My friend Becky started using My Fitness Pal to track her calories. I decided to shimmy on over there and check that site out. Went to register and found I already had an account. Go figure. If you're a calorie counter, it's a great site. So far it's had every food in it's bank I added to my daily menu. It also seems to be pretty user friendly which is a big plus in my book.

OK, so here's why I needed to blog about this tonight instead of something else. I figure I should be on about a 1200 calorie diet to lose me some fat. Weight Watchers thinks the same. I'm allowed a certain number of points on Weight Watchers and that's supposed to pretty much equal the amount of calories I should have to shed weight safely. With me still?

So far today I've had 982 calories. Not too bad you say? According to Weight Watchers, I still have 11.5 points left! Now generally a point is pretty much equal to 50 we're talking another 550 cals. Well over the 1200 I was shooting for.

Here's where it gets trickier. Depending on the fiber in the food, or even the type of food, the points don't really reflect the calories in the food. Some foods, like my whole wheat bread for example, have 100 calories, but only 1 point because of the fiber in it. Veg, most of them, are 0 points, but they still have calories. This has been a real eye opener for me. For example, my 1/2 sandwich at lunch time had tomato, cukes, and romaine on it...0 WW points, but 30 calories. No biggie? That was just a few of each thing. So you can see how a large salad could potentially have a lot of calories, but 0 points. A bit more WW math. I had 1 T Miracle Whip Light for 0 points, but again, it had 15 calories. Marcy, no aspartame in mine, but drat it's got HFCS and I don't eat in the trash mine goes too! It really does add up!

As long as I'm losing weight at a steady rate, I'll keep on doing WW the way it's intended. If my weight loss slows down, I'll start taking a good hard look at the calories in what I'm eating.

I never get over how I keep learning things!

Peace be the journey


Friday, October 1, 2010

Bring it

Man I had so many topics for today's blog. I really did.

I'm too high to go there. Stay tuned for a more lucid blog tomorrow-ish.

I gained a butt load and a half of weight since last year. We're broke flatter than piss on a platter. My stove doesn't work, my toilets are sub standard, my shower is broke. I've got 2 houses and a 5th wheel to sell. Hubs only has 3 days of work and needs 5. Don't even get me started on family health issues!

Am I giving up? Throwing in the towel? Using all this adversity as an excuse to stay fat? Stay unfit?

Hell no.

I just had some of the best pizza I've had in ages.

I've just had some awesome wine. Oh yes, I'll be having some more.

I had a job interview today. For an even better job than the one I applied for.

I had a freaking fabulous loss at my Weight Watchers meeting this morning. So good
in fact, my first recipe reward has been earned! Oh ya! Marcy will be sending me a hand written recipe all the way from Germany! How freaking awesome is that?

I've got peeps that support me.

This is my birthday month.

I'm on fire.

I can take it.

Bring it!

Peace be the journey


Monday, September 27, 2010


Before I begin, I just noticed I have 150 followers. How cool is that? My goal weight = the number of my followers. Coincidence? I think not!

OK, on to the previously scheduled program.

You'd think I'd learn. Oh hell no. Not the easy way anyway. It's Karma. The minute you say 'I'll never do this', you of course do it. "That will NEVER happen to me". Count on it bitch because is is SO going to happen to you!

We get comfortable. We really believe it won't happen. Well boys and girls, it can and it does. So, if you're out there saying NEVER NEVER NEVER, you still have to take steps to make sure, or it will be ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!

I've said NEVER a few times. Here, here, and oh hell the list of course goes on.

I want to change my ALWAYS to NEVER. I can't do that without changing the way I think. Wow, how's that for a difficult task? Change the way we think. Can it be done? Dunno, but I'm going to try.

When I said I was NEVER going to get back into a size 18 pants again, I sure the hell never thought a 22 would be tight on my ass EVER again. I don't like it. I don't want to feel this way again.

I have never been shocked when getting on the scale at my Weight Watcher meeting. I always weigh ahead of time and I know what to expect. I didn't this time. I didn't even look at what she wrote in the book. Until the other night. It was like someone punched me in the gut. Literally. I've never had that feeling and I didn't like it.

I need to remember this. How it feels. When I get back down into my size 14's and lower, I need to somehow channel this feeling of fat oozing everywhere so I won't get back here again. It is easy to do. For me anyway. I need to ALWAYS remember:

how bad my knees hurt
how bad my hips hurt
how bad my ankles hurt
how fat my face feels
how fat my ass is
how things jiggle and ooze
how I don't feel beautiful
how I feel embarrassed every time I go out in public
how I'm ashamed of myself

Oh I want to revel in the glory of being fitter again. Feeling beautiful, etc. But in the back of my mind, I need to remember how bad this sucks right now so I DON'T FUCKING DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!


Oops, I said it again. I believe it this time. This time my never is not going to be an always. I'm old, but I'm still learning.

Peace be the journey


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Thief in the afternoon

Can't call me a thief in the night! Ha!

I'm stealing this blog writers idea. Tara seems to be struggling as much as I am and I like her goal idea.

Three goals for the coming week. Shouldn't be that hard. Of course, if it was easy we'd all be frigging thin and healthy!

I'm following the Weight Watcher program as most of you know. So, the points will get counted of course and that should keep me in the 'losing weight' zone. A calorie isn't a calorie when it comes to how healthy it is for our body though.

As you also know I'm coming off a looooooooooooooooooooooong binge. My body is used to eating every chip, chocolate, greasy, buttery, creamy thing around. This week is going to be difficult to say the least.

My 3 goals are as follows. Drum roll please. Screw the drum roll...give me sexy guys dancing with tear away pants..ya ya and as soon as the last thread goes riiiiiiiiiiiip I'll give my goals. OK, since that didn't happen, without further ado, here they are.

1. Eat some kind of frigging vegetable & fruit every day for a week. Yes, I know I'm supposed to have 3-5. Cut me some slack. I promise not to count wine or ketchup as fruit, or potato chips as a veg.

2. Move my fat ass twice. Twice you say? You say I should be moving my ass 5 times? Don't forget this 'week' is only Tue-Fri. So, twice it is. My blog. I win!

3. Drink 4 cups of plain water EVERY day. No, it won't be easy for me. Do it I shall.

If Tara can do it, I can do it. WE can do it together!

Peace be the journey


Saturday, September 25, 2010

Reward me?


Lots of you guys use them. You tell yourself that if you lose 5 pounds, you'll go get a pedicure. Get your nails done, buy that new purse you want, get a lipstick, a CD, etc. It's never really worked for me. I mean in the end, I still have to go buy it for myself and I could have done that if I lost the 5 pounds or not.

The topic at my WW meeting this week was about asking for help. I thought I had no problem with that. Some people said it scared them to ask for help. I didn't understand. I do now. Right now my heart is beating, I'm scared of rejection. I want to ask you to help me, but I'm afraid you'll laugh at me. Or worse yet, do nothing. So, I'm really putting myself out there right now asking for help and support.

I was reading Becky's blog this morning and of course I didn't have any reward ideas for her. I did want her to know I'd read it, so was commenting when I read someones idea of a reward. That someone makes homemade soap and she offered to send Becky a bar when she lost X amount of pounds. Now THAT would have motivated me. Something someone else would do for you. Awesome.

So, as I'm a greedy bitch and not above begging, I'm asking you guys to reward me.

Know what I love? Other than food of course? Recipes. I collect cook books. I can sit and look at the pictures and read them for hours. What I really love are hand written recipes. I have a notebook with page protectors that I slip hand written recipes in. I've got some from my mom and grandma and my friends. I just love looking at them, knowing they wrote it. It binds me to them. It makes me happy to open that book.

So, I know (OK, so I'm really hoping and praying more than knowing!) someone out there has to love me enough to write me a recipe if I lose 5 pounds. A healthy one of course. Oh you know, maybe one for some famous soup? Some mini muffin meatloaves, anything at all that has helped you on your journey. You don't cook? How about a motivational note? A funny? Hell, I'll even send you the stamp to send it to me! No typing now, that's not fair. Also have to put your name on it, or your blog name. Oh ya, even when I'm begging there are rules!

Wow, I'm afraid to hit 'publish post'. This is definitely new territory for me! I love my WW leader Madge though, and I'm going to trust her advice is solid.

Peace be the journey


Friday, September 24, 2010


I feel like I've been hit by a truck. A big fucking truck.

Menopause sucks. That's all I'm going to say about that. Any day that I don't stab someone or try to hit them with my truck is a win. Any day without a bucket of tears is a win. Any day I don't feel anger boil up inside me for no frigging reason whatsoever is a win. Ya, I haven't had many wins lately!!!

I went back to WW today. It was so bad I thought the poor leader was going to faint. I don't know how bad. I don't have the balls to look. I'll deal with it tomorrow or the next day. She felt so bad for me. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her questions.

OK, so Perky Pixie will be back next week. If I don't kill the bitch.

Deep breath.


I was awarded a cool blog award. Well how was that for redundant??? Becky gave it to me and it's all mine! OK, mine and 9 others, but I'm the know I am!

Here it ass cool eh????

Rules are for sissies. No way I'm picking 10 ppl to pass it on to. I have 30 that deserve it if I have 1. I will, however, try to post 10 things that make me happy. I will try not to use the words stab, maim, kill, gouge, impale, behead, castrate, decapitate, or mutilate.

1. My blog friends. Yes, it may be sappy, but I think of some of you as friends.
2. My Daddy's swing that he made just for me. I put it back together tonight and sat in it for about half an hour. Made me happy.
3. Warm water and cool sand on my body.
4. Blue skies and puffy white clouds.
5. Rides on my golf cart with someone else driving. Letting the sun warm my face and the breeze keep my skin cool.
6. Reading a good book
7. Looking at pictures of my grand babies
8. Playing Mah Jongg (and winning of course!)
9. Talking to my friends
10. Running over people that piss me off with my truck. (in my mind of course)

I have a lot to say. I just can't say it tonight.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Lazy way out

I didn't intend to take the lazy way out today.

I went to the pool like I said I would. It was awesome. My knees are bitching now of course...I'm ignoring them.

I don't want to go to work here so I was catching up on a few more blogs. I found this soooooooooooooooooooooo motivating I just wanted to share in case you don't read Doc's blog.

Here it is, go read it. I bet you'll be glad you did.

I sure was!

Peace be the journey


Saturday, September 11, 2010

A bit of this and that

Catching up on some blogs tonight. Kind of behind. OK, way behind! A lot make me think and I like that.

Fat Daddy talked about an on/off switch and finding his volume knob. Man oh man do I need to do that. My f'ing switch is taped in the 'on' position right now. So I did a drastic thing because of FD...I shot an email off to a friend of mine that swims every day. An hour. She hangs with another friend that broke her wrist and needs surgery so won't be able to swim. I shot an email saying I'd be her swim buddy. Can't take it back now....the send button has been hit. TY FD. Actually just got a reply from her...this is it. "Sounds great to me!!! Monday, Tuesday, Thursday--11:00 till 12:30 or so. Sat. and Sun. 10:00. None on Wednesday and Friday. I'll be there in the morning at 10:00!!!" Guess I've got plans tomorrow morning at 10!

Reading Pounds Off review a book just now, the author talked about going to a Chinese restaurant after a several month leave of absence. He was greeted warmly...they thought he'd moved. We returned back to our Florida home the end of August after making the trek to MI mid May. The owner came running up to me and hugged me! Holy shit I just can't think that's a good thing! I might have learned something about myself right there.

Ms. Sheryl has made lifetime at her Weight Watchers meeting. She's filling out the papers to become a WW leader. That used to be a goal of mine. Perhaps I need to start thinking like that again? Ms. Bitch motivates me a lot and she's just a little bit hot too! OK, so that was my inner lesbian typing there...sometimes I can't shut that tramp up!

Shoot, I probably shouldn't have started this as then if I don't mention someone I read constantly they might get their feelings hurt. I'm stopping now leaving out a few of you that KNOW FOR A FACT I love and read you and learn shit from you every time!

My point is, we all help each other here. My on switch might have a short, but I'm still reading, I'm still learning, I'm still getting motivated...albeit slowly...but motivated none the less!

Y'all mean the world to me. In fact, I shall name all of you as you deserve it! NO particular order either!!! If you're on this list, I read every one of your blogs. Yes, I get behind but I do catch up. If you're not on this list send me a shout out so you can be! Now, these are just my weight loss don't get your panties in a bunch if you're not on this list!

My favorite Fatass
Simone, the baby of the group
Point-less meals Yummy recipes!
Dr. Fatty
Lose the boredom
The Meatball
Midlife Swimmer

Peace be the journey


Monday, September 6, 2010

The whole world????

That's right, now even the freakin universe is after me! This was today's note from the universe.

The entire world now spins in the palm of your hand, Debby.

A fitness goal is not asking for too much.

Come on, let's go -
The Universe

Geez, alright already!!!!! I shall make one. There! Happy???!!!!

Well boys and girls, this is the week. Friday morning is WW day. It should be interesting to say the least! I thought WW was Tuesday, that's what I get for thinking.

It's a busy week. We're still unpacking boxes. We will be doing so for about 2 weeks. TBM looked at me yesterday trying to fit things into the kitchen cupboard and said "Wow, that's like trying to fit 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack!' Yes, it is. I'm trying to fit things from a HUGE kitchen into a small one. Not only that, this kitchen is already full of stuff from my other kitchen here. Oh ya, fun times!

Did I mention I can't find the box with all my spices and herbs in it? It really has become the bane to my existence! I unpacked about 10 boxes yesterday and didn't find it. More today...I'm on a mission!

Today will be unpacking more boxes and then a party here in the park. Big shindig that we got the tickets for yesterday. Then pool time, then wine time. Taking the rest of the day off...tomorrow I can start again.

Doc appt this Wed. She's going to have a freaking fit. I deserve it. I'll take it like a big girl.

Friday morning WW and me with a plan. How's that for a full week?

Happy Labor Day everyone.

Peace be the journey


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Running the maze

Mornin peeps!

Settling in here...OK, so we're here, not settled! Boxes everywhere, it's a maze getting through them. Lovin' it though.

I took a look at my Google reader this morning and had 211 unread. Beginning to remedy that situation. Like an alcoholic that looks for courage from the bottle, I'm looking for motivation from the blogs.

As I wended my way through the living room with my coffee cup, I had to turn sideways to get through one stack of boxes and a chair. As I turned, my ass fat kept moving. Oh ya, time to get back on program peeps!

Brought up the Weight Watcher site and have chosen to attend the Lake Placid meetings. Tuesday morning at 9am will find me all paying attention and shit.

I'm pumped peeps! OK, I'm not, but I will be!

Peace be the journey


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's alive!!!!!

No, not some horror flick.....ME!

We made it to FL....boxes everywhere and the U-Haul isn't even unloaded yet.

I love every effing minute of it!

Just wanted you all to know I'll be back soon. I have over 150 blogs in my Google if I haven't commented on yours, you know why. I can't wait to catch up.

Thinking of all of you.

All is well in my world.

My heart and soul are at peace even if my knees and hips are bitching!

Hard work, lots of it, and I love it!

Back soon, count on it!

Peace be the journey


Monday, August 23, 2010

T minus 4 and counting

We leave Thursday. In the final stretch.

Won't have time to blog a lot until we get to FL and settled of course.

My notes from the universe today I loved. Here it is.

It's one trick, Debby, to manifest exactly what you want.

It's another to bring about something even better.

Leave the door open,
The Universe

So, we want to get skinny. We decide which diet program to use and what exercise we're going to do. We write it down, we commit. We begin. When we start, maybe getting skinny is our only goal. Is that all we get?

I don't think so.

Like 'The Universe' said, 'Leave the door open'. Think about what's going on in your life. You're getting skinnier sure....I bet there are other changes.

I bet you are a bit happier.

I bet your knees feel a bit better.

I bet your self esteem raised just a bit.

I bet you feel just a bit sexier.

I bet you're a bit healthier.

I bet you're a LOT healthier.

Skinny is great, but those other things? Wow, a lot better for sure. Go with the flow and enjoy all the perks of your weight loss and exercise.

Think about the changes in your life. What are they? Even if you've 'only' lost 5 pounds, do you feel a change? Anything at all?

Go ahead and plan all you want. Just don't forget to leave the door open for all the fantastic changes you didn't plan for!

Peace be the journey


Saturday, August 21, 2010

This is not who I am


Walking into work last night, my cheeks were bouncing and jiggling. Both sets. I was uncomfortable. I actually felt the fat bouncing on my face and ass. I paid more attention. I felt the fat on my stomach and thighs slamming around in my skin too. A thought popped into my head.

This is not who I am.

I am not the fat chick anymore. Oh, sure, physically I am, but I don't want to be. That's a good thing. We have to want to change or we won't.

If I become complacent with my fat, I can let it define me. I become the fat chick. My mind wants to be the fit chick, so it will get my body on board.

I was very excited to hear my mind tell me that we are going to whip this fat bod into shape. Sometimes she's a bitch. Last night I liked what she had to say.

So, who are you? Are you the fat chick or the tubby guy? Or, are you the healthy, fit individual?

You are who you think you are.

Peace be the journey


Friday, August 20, 2010

Credit where credit is due


I'm reading the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's really great. Several times she's said things that I want to write down to remember. Ya, so I haven't done that...just have to read it again sometime. Last night I was reading in bed and read something so great I quit reading so I could ponder it as I was going to sleep. I thought to myself it would make a perfect blog topic.

That was last night. Now it's morning, I don't have my glasses on, I haven't had my coffee yet and I can't find what got my motor running last night. I tried, but man without my glasses I can't even see the words! I don't like to wear my glasses when playing on the laptop. I know, weird. Deal with it. You know you love me just the way I am! I wanted to use the exact line that got me thinking. I will find it....later.

The crux of what I got from it was that I am rushing and not experiencing. I bet a lot of you are also.

We try to get from point A to point B as quickly as we can. We want to lose weight and be fit and we want it now. We don't like cutting calories or whatever we're doing, and most of us don't like exercising. We do it to get to point B. The healthy us.

I intend to slow the hell down and enjoy the ride more.

When I put healthy food into my body instead of crap, from now on I intend to think about it. Feel all the little nutrients speeding around and doing good things for my health. Allow myself to smile, to feel a sense of accomplishment.

When I'm exercising and things hurt and I'm a sweaty mess, I intend to bask in that glow. To thank God that I can do whatever it is I'm doing even if it causes me pain. Yes, my knees and hips hurt, but how much worse would it be if I sat on my fat ass all day long every day?

Enjoy the fact that I CAN do and not that I MUST do.

On the flip side, if I'm letting a bottle of wine slide down my throat chased by some decadent pasta in a cream sauce, I plan to revel in that also. Seize the moments. The big ones and the small ones. They all work together to make up my life. It's short. I want to get the most out of it!

I'm trying to get everything packed up, cleaned up, polished etc by tomorrow morning. We're moving on Thursday. OK, in theory, that's great. I'm doing this so our last days in the town I've spent my whole married life (32 years) in won't be rushed. Not only my whole married life, I spent every summer in this town all my life (almost 52 years). Lots of weekends also. We had a 'cottage' up here that was built before I was born. I always told my mom I was going to live up here. She said I couldn't...there were no jobs. I said I was going to marry rich. I just didn't know it was going to be his name!

I have no regrets about leaving this town. It served me well, but it's time to move on. I have no regrets about leaving my home. Again, it served me well. I have NO regrets about leaving my summer job. It's an awesome place to work, but I'm over working.

After reading whatever the hell it was that I read in the book last night, I realized that I've been working all summer toward tomorrow morning. Working to get it done, so I could be done. Man I'm glad I read that last night. I caught it in time. Today is my last day and I'd have rushed through it. Point A to point B. I caught it in time though, so today I shall bathe in the moment.

I'm enjoying my last cup of coffee as a working woman in Houghton Lake. After I publish this, I intend to shut the laptop down and sit with my coffee and my thoughts. Let them wash over me.

I'll be going to the Secretary of State today here. For the last time.

I'll be going to my post office here today. For the last time.

I'll be going to work at Buccilli's tonight at 4. For the last time.

I'll be packing more boxes today. Boxes of things that have never been out of my house. For the last time. They'll love their new home.

I shall carpe the diem for sure.

Today, more than ever people,

Peace be the journey


Addendum: I put my glasses on and found the line that started this ball rolling.

"Zen masters always say that you canot see your reflection in running water, only in still water."

Today, let me be still. Let me both see my reflection, and reflect.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Do you have one?

As you probably know by now, we're moving a week from today. You can't imagine how exciting it is for me to say that finally. A week from today. I imagine I'll be up early that morning also. We'll get the U-Haul around 8ish and hopefully begin loading around 9ish. Hoping to be on the road no later than 1 or 2. Only going 246 miles the first day. Should be an easy, relaxed day. The only way it can be that way is by preparing ahead. Kind of like our weight loss program.

Nope, my motto isn't 'plan ahead', though another day it might be. I think we can change up our motto's. Find one that works and stick with it until it doesn't, then find another one.

We live on a lake here in Michigan. We have a huge winter festival each year. Snow sculptures, fair rides, polar bear swim, elephant ears, snow mobile races, fishing contests, even a parade. The whole shebang. I was going through all my pictures trying to pare them down for the trip. I came across pictures from Tip Up Town 2000. Good family times. We even took a helicopter ride that year. The Marines had a section set up with an obstacle wall and other neat stuff. The wall was actually an inflatable pyramid shaped dohickey. Climb up one side, slide down the other. Very cool. On the flat side was printed what is going to be my new motto for a while. I found a picture of me standing next to this. In fact, here it is.

I love it!

Think you can't do something? How do you know if you don't try it?

Did you walk 20 minutes yesterday? How bout pushing yourself to 21 today? Test yourself. See if you can do it.

Thinking of giving up artificial sweeteners? Try it for a day. One day. Test yourself.

Trying to quit swearing? Give it up for one day. Test yourself.

Just imagine what we could accomplish if we tested ourselves daily.

Today is a new day. Let's not waste it.

How will you test yourself today?

Peace be the journey


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Takin a freakin break

Holy crap! You've all heard 'the hurrier I go, the behinder I get'. Well, welcome to my world right now.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm on top of the freakin clouds.

This has nothing to do with Weight Watchers at all. No diet, no exercise. Just what's going on in my life right now.

My niece called and said she was going to her Dad's this week and wanted to come over and visit. I said fabby. She said she had air mattresses. I said ummmmm we don't have any furniture! lol Finally told her I'd come over there to visit if TBM and I had a day off together. Would call as soon as we got our schedule and make a plan. I was excited to see my brother and all my nieces and nephews etc.

We got our schedule for this week Sunday at 1:35AM. I got out of bed at 1:44AM to check email for it. We asked to be scheduled light this week as it was our last week. So, looked at my schedule first. Friday and Saturday. Not too bad. Then looked at TBM's schedule. He only had 3 days...excellent. Except his days were Wed, Thur, and Fri. Shit. Couldn't he have scheduled us on the same days? Last week ya know??? I couldn't sleep the whole rest of the night thinking that I didn't want to work on Saturday as that would be the only day we could go see my bro. Really. The whole fuckin night. Tossed and turned and kept wishing I didn't have to work and worried about what I'd do about it.

So, got up early Sunday and hit the road for our visit with our kids. We'd requested Sunday and Monday off a long time ago for this trip. Was awesome. Lots of grand baby snuggling etc. Nothing I could do about next Saturday until Monday anyway so let's enjoy.

Got back to town on Monday and went right to work to see who had a day off that maybe might take my hours. Girl doing prep that day didn't work Saturday and said she'd work my shift for me! HOLY SHIT!!! It was like the weight of the world was lifted. I know, stupid, but it really was.

Got so much to do this week. Packing etc. This is the final count down people. We want to have everything done by Friday night for the move. Everything. So we can play the last few days. We've worked hard all summer. We deserve it. Man oh man is it a lot to finish up this week. I'm on a roll today though, and I now have confidence it will be done.

Saturday morning will find everything packed that can be packed.

Everything cleaned that needs to be cleaned.

Addresses will be changed, arrangements made. I's dotted and T's crossed.

I'll spend Saturday with my brother and his family.

Sunday we're going to the city to see my oldest son and his family. My grandson just had surgery yesterday and he needs one final dose of Grammy kisses. He's 2. It helps.

Monday we're hooking up the rig and going camping for 2 days. Wine country.

Wednesday we're coming back here, doing all the final packing/cleaning, and having dinner with friends.

Thursday morning we're picking up the U-Haul, packing it up, hitching up the rig and hitting the road. TBM is driving the U-Haul, I'm hauling the rig and we'll be on our way to our new home.

The stress takes my breath away a lot.

The excitement is bringing tears to my eyes a lot.

I'm an emotional mess.


Today TBM is at work and I've been busting my hump. He's going to be so amazed when he gets home. He's never going to believe all I accomplished. There will be a fabby dinner waiting for him too.

I'm a ball of fire!!!!

Peace be the journey


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Share and share alike

Remember when you were in school and you had something you weren't supposed to and the teacher asked you, 'Do you have enough to share?' Bitch just wanted whatever I had for herself I'm sure. Well, today I have enough to share!

I found 2 new blogs of recipes. Yum! Gina's blog, and, this new blog.

I haven't delved enough yet to find out the gals name in the second blog. I did drool already though, and that's a real good sign! I love how the second one has a whole little dohickey on the right hand side of her blog with different point values you can click on for recipes. Very handy if you're a Weight Watcher member. If not, the usual go to conversion is 1 point usually equals about, close to, approximately, 50 calories. I also like that the second blog allows me to read the whole blog in my Google Reader. The first one doesn't.

I'm not a fan of the blogs that only give you a tidbit in the Google reader, then force you to go to the actual blog to finish reading. Here's why. I follow quite a few blogs. I get behind sometimes...go figure! I have them set up in my google reader to read from oldest to newest, and of course if I have to visit the actual blog they go from newest to oldest and well I just am not that kind of girl!

OK peeps...I've got a hella full day here. TBM has today off work with me and this is going to be the one big, huge, mega, supercalafragalisticexpialadocious, push to get the cleaning and packing for our move (TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!) on track. OMG seeing that in writing, 2 weeks from today, just made my heart flutter and my breath come in short bursts. Talk about stress!!!! Sooooo much still to do. Oh, and did I mention that the last 4 days we want to just play? So we want EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY THING PACKED AND CLEANED BY THE 22ND? AND, (Yes, I know you're never supposed to begin a sentence with AND...I'm a fucking English major for goodness sakes!)the 22nd is only 10 days away????

OMG where the hell is the paper bag???

Peace be the journey


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Thoughts From The Universe

I get daily emails from the universe. How cool is that?

Today's was too deep for my mind to grasp before coffee, but I found this little gem at the bottom.

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®

Like wow dudes!

Not half an hour ago, I had my Weight Watchers registration card in my hand looking for the cancellation directions. You see, I have no intention of being on program for the next few weeks. Yes, I know I should. I know it can be done. I'm only moving from the home I've lived in for 32 years after all. I'm only buried under stress for the moment. I'm only going through some health issues. No biggie. Well, to me it is a biggie.

I opened my email after that and read my little note from the universe and I got thinking. How often do I sit and think 'Ohhhh I'd really like some potato chips!'? After a while, I'll be sitting there holding a bag of chips. One chip isn't enough for me. One piece of cake isn't enough. One slice of homemade bread? Please, who are you kidding? I'm an addict. I can't stop at one. What can I do to get my mind off the thought when it first springs into my brain? Before it becomes an action? A thing? A reality?

What if, when that thought popped into my mind, I replaced it with something else? Find some positive thing that spurs me. Then every time I have an attack of the 'I wants', I'd just pull that positive thought into my mind.

Had my first sip of coffee here and delving just a bit further.

Are you at the beginning of your weight loss journey? Do you have a lot of weight to lose? I SO get your struggles. I've been there. If you don't have 200, 300, or even 400 pounds to lose, you can never truly understand the feelings of hopelessness. I so admire those of you that started your road to a healthy life before it got to that stage. You know, those of you that 'only' have 50-100 pounds to lose. I'm one of 'those' people now. I only have 100 more to lose. I sure wasn't when I started.

See, right now, when thinking of what positive thought I could pop into my mind, when the food monster invades, I thought of picturing me thinner. Feel how I felt in my clothes, in my skin, when I finally got under 200 pounds. I could do that as I was there. Not so long ago...January in fact. At the beginning of my journey, however, that wouldn't have worked. I remember people telling me 'nothing tastes as good as thin feels', or 'picture yourself thin', and a myriad of other cliche spoutings. I have been fat all my life people. Picture myself thin? How the hell can I do that? I don't know what it feels like. I don't know what it looks like. I'm not that kind of visionary! When you weigh nearly 400 pounds, picturing yourself in a bikini on some sandy beach just didn't comprehend.

Maybe we don't need to actually picture ourselves any way at all. Maybe we just need to find a way to change our thought. Sit, ponder, think about something that makes us truly happy. Think about some time we laughed until we peed a little. Think of any instance of true joy. Burn it into our memory. OK, got one? Ya, me either quite yet, but I will have as I really think this is something that could work. In fact, I think I'll conjure up more than one.

How can this work? Well, what if, while sitting in the parking lot of the store, I see the McDonald's next door, and all of a sudden a thought of crispy, golden, salty french fries pops into my mind? Oh no! What shall I do???? If I keep thinking about those fries, my fat ass is going to be over there ordering them, and then eating them. Dipped in mayo if you must know. Oh hell yes, I didn't get fat by eating too many baby carrots! So, what can I do instead? Change my thought. Grab that happy memory, think of that, smile. Truly concentrate on it...let your mind wrap around that. In other words, get your mind off the fries and onto something else! Hey, it could work.

I'm conditioned for instant gratification. I need to recondition myself. Pavlov is 6 foot under somewhere so I just have to figure out how to do it myself. Figure out how to ring my own bell.

I'm smiling right now thinking of things. Some are huge, some not so huge. It doesn't have to be huge. My friend MK and I got laughing one night as I was driving her home from cards on the golf cart. We laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. I dropped her off and laughed all the way to my place. I had tears, I had snot, she peed a little. Just thinking about that took my mind down the path of other happy memories.

I put my registration card back in it's drawer. I might not be 100% on program, but I'm not quitting. It's going to be there in the back of my mind. I'll keep going to my meetings, and I'll think happy thoughts when the munchie monster hits.

This just might work......

Peace be the journey


Monday, August 9, 2010

Eating in private. Revisited

Yep, so I told you I don't eat in private, and I thought I didn't. I guess I do.

You see, I ate yesterday. Oh did I eat. I didn't tell you. You couldn't see me, why should you know? I had no intention of telling you either. Then I thought about yesterdays blog post, and realized if I didn't tell you, I'd be sneak eating.

I also learned yesterday I'm a stress eater. Who knew? It's becoming crunch time here as far as our move goes. I'm not upset about it, I am excited to go, but it really is a lot of work. We've lived here for 32 years. That's a lot of ends to tie up. We want every end tied up, all the boxes packed, the i's dotted and the t's crossed by the 22nd. See, the 22nd is our last day of work. We move the 26th. We really want those last days to just chill. Drive up to wine country, get some bottles for the road. Visit friends we won't see again, eat at restaurants we may never get to in the future. So, we're trying to wrap it up here while still working. Wow. I only work a few days a week, but TBM works 5. The days he works, he's useless for anything else. I've got shoulder/knee/ etc problems. I have trouble climbing ladders, lifting the boxes I'm packing. I need his help. We've got 2 days this week...this is one of them and it's half gone!

So, I had yesterday off. I wanted to pack a lot of boxes, do some cleaning, do some paperwork. I pondered all I had to do over a few pieces of friendship cake. It was so good, I had a few more. Ya, so I can't eat just one!

I have a really awesome kitchen here and all of a sudden I wanted to bake bread. So I did. I love the smell of bread raising, and even better, bread baking. It came out of the oven and I cut one steaming crust off, thick of course, and slathered it with cold butter. It was fantastic. I then cut the other crust off, repeat the cold butter, and still awesome.

I had a butt load of salami and crackers for 'lunch'.

I fixed dinner. Meatloaf and sweet potatoes. Wanted something else to go with it, so prepared some pasta. I was going to bake the sweet potatoes. Instead, I cubed them up, boiled them, drained them and added brown sugar and honey and then put them in a pan and baked them. When they were done, I added marshmallows I found in the drawer. You know, as I put them on I could just feel Jillian Michael's shaking her head at me. I felt guilty. I took a perfectly healthy food and fucked it up big time. My pasta was whole wheat. I added butter and fresh grated Parmesan. Fucked that up too. A veg? Oh no. A fruit? Does the bottle of wine I had with dinner count?

There was more cake, more bread and butter, and can't remember what else, but there was a lot of that too.

That was yesterday.

I just took my left over whole wheat pasta and had that for lunch. Somehow, some onions and fresh garlic and fresh jalapeno fell into some sauteing butter and that got added to the pasta....along with some Parmesan and Velveeta and cream. Of course breakfast was homemade bread toast with butter and eggs.

I don't feel one bit guilty (except for that moment with the marshmallows), but I should. I should feel bad for putting all that crap into my body. I kind of want my body to last a while. I need it for stuff.

Live and learn as they say. It's so very true. I learn new stuff every day.

Today I learned that I make kick ass spaghetti in cheese sauce.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll learn that I prefer wholesome food.

A girl can dream eh?

Peace be the journey


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Do you have a dirty secret?

Our Weight Watcher meeting this week touched on a lot of things. One in particular, was eating in secret. Hiding your food intake from others, sneaking food.

I don't do this. So, in my "I'm going to figure out why the fuck I'm fat" phase, I have decided to delve into my psyche on all the topics brought up at meetings.

I weighed 368 pounds and I wasn't a closet eater. I was an in your face, take this if you don't like it, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke, eater. Oh I died inside when I saw people looking at me at a buffet. I felt the heat rise up the back of my neck when I saw the glances when I got the big bucket of popcorn at the movie. I did it anyway. I'm a stubborn bitch if there ever was one. I still am. Back in the day, I used to go to Weight Watchers on Thursday night. After the meeting, a group of us would go out to dinner. We went to the Big Boy and always had the soup and salad bar. They had Weight Watchers cabbage soup, but I always had the cream of broccoli. They had fat free dressing, I had the blue cheese. It was my reward for being good all week. Thing is, part of the group that we went with included the leader, the weigher, and the secretary! How's that for in your face eating? I wonder what they thought? I don't wonder how I'd have reacted if they'd have said 'you know, you really shouldn't do this to yourself', but that's another post!

So, no, I'm not a closet eater at all. What you see is what you get. It wasn't always like that, now that I'm delving. I remember being very young and sneaking food. I wasn't allowed snacks, and I'd come home from school starving. I'd sneak something, anything. I used to get what my mom called bilious spells. I know now it was a gall bladder thing. My gall bladder would build up bile and it had to come out. I'd throw up for about 24 hours until it was all gone and then that was it. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink during these spells. My mom would make me wait 24 hours from the last time I was sick, and then I could have jello water. Only that for the next 24 hours and then I could have chicken soup. Nothing ever tasted better than that soup! Thing is, once all the bile was gone, I felt 100% fine. The sickness was gone, I was back to normal. Mom didn't know this, she was doing what she thought best. I remember once sneaking a whole block of cheese from the fridge and hiding it under my bed. Another time she'd made hamburger steaks in gravy for dinner and I snuck one of the left overs and hid in the bath tub and ate it. I walked to school. I'd save my money up and stop at the little party store on the route on the way home and buy junk to eat as I walked. It was gone when I got home, the evidence disposed of. When I was old enough to drive, it would be A & W hot dogs before dinner, chips, anything I could get my hands on. I'd be so stuffed when dinner came around, but I'd have to eat anyway or my parents might know what I'd done. So, around my parents, I was a food sneaker. That ended when I met TBM.

I don't know if it's just a rebellious thing or what. You'd think that eating all the food I eat in public would control what I eat, but it doesn't.

I wonder why? I think I shall ponder this further. Maybe it'll be another door unlocked for me.

What about you? Do you eat in private? Or, do you put it all out there?

Peace be the journey


Saturday, August 7, 2010

Saturday thoughts

Yes, I am a nerd. I love words. What can I say? I love when I'm talking to someone and they throw out a word I never heard. I love how it rolls off their tongue. I add it to my memory bank (full of holes these days!)for future reference. Sometimes I steal them and use them. You've noticed I'm sure that I stole 'asshat' from a fellow blogger. I just love it. It fits. It works. When I first read Carlos' blog (Oh man I miss him so much!!!), he used the word 'girthitude'. I never heave my fat about in exercise without thinking of that. I just love words. I get a word of the day email in fact. I have a folder labeled 'words' where I put the ones I like. I look at them every so often. I can't usually remember them to use them, but I do like looking at them. So, this came today.

Word of the Day for Saturday, August 7, 2010
mojo \MOH-joh\, noun:

1. Personal magnetism; charm.
2. The art or practice of casting magic spells; magic; voodoo.
3. An object, as an amulet or charm, that is believed to carry a magic spell.
4. Good luck or favor concerning an event or individual.

How many times have we been on a roll with our diet/exercise program and said 'I got my mojo workin'? Or, the all to common, and more often it seems, 'I lost my mojo'?

I know that sometimes, I'd like to know how to cast magic spells. I'd love to do some magic and be at goal weight. Maybe I need a charm?

Well, damn it, I'm not Samantha Stevens, much to my chagrin, and I can't nose twitch my fat away.

So, I have to gather up what I know works, and avoid what I know doesn't. I read blogs, get ideas, know other people are fighting the fight with me. Plod on. Avoid the asshats that try to derail me. Try to pare down my girthitude.

Today I'm going to be a sponge. Soak up all the good ideas and let the bad ones leak out.

Today I'm going to rock my mojo.

Peace be the journey


Friday, August 6, 2010

Deep breath

I'm taking a deep cleansing breath before beginning & I'm drawing on my inner TJ this week for all it's worth.

Why, you ask? Well, I'd like to type more than 4 letter words, that's why!

OK, so my wonderful vacation week culminated in a .6 pound gain at my WI last night.

I'm sure that a lot of you think 'only' gaining .6 on vacation was wonderful. It would have been if that had been my goal. It wasn't. My goal was to lose.

I don't understand it even after looking back on everything. I planned ahead. I packed my own food. Breakfast in the hotel was what I brought, not their fare. Camping was the same. The times we ate out, I planned ahead and I counted the points. There were a few days, however, where I got busy and didn't have nearly enough points. That is what I'm attributing to my gain. It's working to soothe me so I'm going with that.

Just an FYI? Frozen custard is hella bad for you! I wanted it, and I planned for it and counted the points. All 16 of them!!!! I am sure a few of you think I'm crazy for using 16 points on an ice cream cone. It was the best I ever ate. Let me explain.

We were in Wisconsin visiting my second son and his family. They just bought a new house and as we're leaving for FL in 3 weeks, and for some unfathomable reason our boss gave us Fri, Sat, & Sun off together, this was our chance to see the house, and get some grand baby snuggling in. My second son is a foodie. He loves food. Loves to create food, loves to eat food. When he finds something he loves, he gets all excited and calls mom to share it. I love that about him. He's been married 5 years this week. I haven't got to talk to him alone since he got married. Now, don't be thinking all kinds of dark things here. It's not that I want to talk to him alone because I don't like his wife and can't talk in front of her. It's not that I want secret information. If you're a man, you won't understand. If you're a young mom, you probably won't either. If you're an older mom, you might. He got married 5 years ago as I said. Right out of college. In those 5 years he graduated, got married, got a great job. He bought a house, had a baby (premature I might add). They got pregnant a second time, another high risk pregnancy, and in the middle of that, he lost his job. Company went belly up. He busted his balls, found another job. A better job, better bennies, everything. In a different state. So, he packed up his wife, his 2 premature babies, his dog, and off they moved to a new state. A month ago, they bought a new house. He calls often and we talk of course...but about his job, what's going on etc. A lot has been going on with him, however, and mommy just had one question for him. Are you happy? I know he loves his work, he likes his new house, etc., but is he happy inside? Yep, that's it. That's all I wanted to know. I needed to know. He suggested we go to this awesome place for frozen custard after the kids went to bed and in my mind, it was the most wonderful thing ever. My baby is happy. Mommy is happy. 16 points of frozen custard? Priceless.

Ya, so I guess I haven't got that 'separate food from emotion' thing down yet!

OK, so .6 wasn't the end of the world. I am pissed but I'll get over it. It's not going to derail me. It's not going to get the better of me. To be honest, the thing that is really upsetting to me is I just know everyone thinks I just ate too much. Why do I care what people think? Hmmmm not too sure. I shall just smile and think evil thoughts and know in my mind that they're wrong!!

Has this ever happened to you? When you really know in your heart you were 'good', that you did the do, and the scale was an evil bitch to you? C'mon, let me know I'm not alone!

Peace be the journey.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A blur

That's what this post is.

Wanted you to know I'm alive.

We're on vacation. Loving the shit right out of it.

Today is day 6 of vacation. Also day 6 of my WW week. Yep, I weighed in last Wednesday night and Thursday hit the road.

We've been to Wisconsin and back. Drove through Chicago twice. Stop and go, bumper to bumper traffic. Both times. Sucked.

We tossed stuff into the 5th wheel when we got back and hit the road in the opposite direction. We're 'camping' with friends now. Went to dinner tonight with other friends from out of state.

HUGE get together tomorrow in Frankenmuth, MI for all the MI ppl from our park in Florida. Family style chicken dinner.

So, where do I stand diet wise?

Well, even if you didn't ask, I plan to tell you. Day 6 on the road and day 6 of being on plan. Holy shit! Did you even hear that?

I'm not depriving myself. I had a glass of wine last night. Counted the points.

I was going to have lobster pizza tonight for dinner...had the points all counted and everything. It sucked. I didn't deem it point worthy so didn't eat it.

I've saved a lot of my weekly points for some fried chicken tomorrow. Not a binge, one piece.

I'm learning to eat normal.

I don't know what the scale will say. If there is a gain, it's not going to be from my diet.

I'm on a roll.


Friday, July 30, 2010

Day 2 pitfall

I shall not cave.

Breakfast bar at the Hampton Inn. Waffles, scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage, full fat and full sugar yogurt, fruit in syrup, muffins, sausage, chocolate muffins, sausage, cranberry juice, my fave, instant oatmeal, all sweetened. Cereals, sweetned...getting the drift? Did I mention they have sausages?????

What is Pixie having...and more importantly enjoying? Well, what will she have and feel so freaking good about herself that she'll enjoy it even if it sucks????

Coffee with my fat free half and half that I brought. Baked oatmeal that I brought. Weight Watchers yogurt that I brought. I'll eat their banana. Oh ya, this is going to be a goooooooooooooooooooooood trip peeps!


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Comin or goin?

Not too freakin sure!

Here's the skinny. Had a good WI on Wed...think I lost a pound and some change.

Now, the crux. Always a freaking crux eh???

I'm traveling this week. Seven out of seven days actually. I'm excited. This is my first chance to try my 'I'm going to learn to eat like a normal person' life out for real.

So, today I had to pack, run errands, get ready for the first 3 of the 7. How'd that work for me? Well, right now I'm sitting in a Hampton Inn longingly eyeing the pillow top mattress with down pillows and down duvet. Oh? You wanted to hear how the food went?

I made TJ's baked oatmeal for this trip. I fixed a pasta salad chock full of veggies with Ronzoni's new garden pasta...each serving has a whole serving of veg too. Oh ya. I also packed a cooler with yogurt, bananas, fat free half and half, romaine, tomatoes, cucumbers. There are whole wheat english muffins and bagel thins. Some ham and some laughing cow wedges. Must be more shit in there as it's full.

I've done that before. Fixed all kinds of good stuff then ate out. I'm not doing that this time. We did plan to have dinner on the road. I chose Subway. I got a foot long black forest ham. It was the best sub I've ever had. They have spinach now...was yummy. I am not a fan of Subway, too much bread...overshadows the meat etc. Was watching Biggest Loser and the kid had them hollow out his roll. Can't believe I never thought of that before! My stuff fit right inside the hollow and it was easy to eat while I was driving. I could actually taste the filling. Yummy indeed. Pickles, yellow mustard, tomato, onions rounded out the ham and spinach. I ate half in the car and just finished the other half. I also had a yogurt. So, the end of today, balls to the wall busy, travel several hours....and I still have 5 points left.

Day number 1...score? Debby 1 Food Fest 0

Bring on day nubmer 2. I'm ready.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Today is for my friend

I had a lot to say as I've not had time to blog in a few days. I just can't.

I'm so excited for my friend Sheryl.

She reached goal!!! I got home from work last night, was chatting with TBM, looking at my Tweets...and saw the one from Sheryl that said she'd reached goal. I got all excited....said 'OHHHHHHHHHHHHH BITCHCAKES REACHED GOAL!!!' I might've even been bouncing around in my chair. Of course, TBM thought I was freaking off my rocker. I may well be.

Any of you new to the blogging world may not know the attachment that can be formed from reading about someones struggle. Following their journey. Sheryl doesn't know me....she's probably never even heard of me. BUT, because of the blogging world. I know her. I celebrate her victories and I feel pain for her losses. I am inspired by her success, and I learn from her. Last year she went through some heartbreak. On her blog, she said her heart was breaking. I prayed for her daily. I was in Mass one Sunday, running through my list of people to pray for and I realized I didn't even know her name. So, right there at St. James Catholic Church I said "God please wrap your healing arms around Bitchcakes'. I'm sure He knew who I was talking about.

Today I celebrate my virtual friend Bitchcakes! She did it! Kudos to her. I'm still excited inside for her.

A stranger?

Not to me.

You are all my friends. My virtual friends.

When you quit blogging you are missed.

So, yesterday, one of us made it. One of us reached her goal. One of us grabbed that golden ring. One of us gave the rest of us hope. No, not hope, certainty. It can be done. It was done. I've actually got tears here. What a sissy. Check out her blog, give her some congrats. I think she earned them!

God bless Bitchcakes!!!


Friday, July 23, 2010

Attitude is everything. Pick a good one!!!

I think the biggest difference this time round with WW is my attitude.

In the past, I'd go to that first WW meeting after a long absence all fired up. I was going to 'get down to business', get it done this time. Taking no prisoners. If you read my 'anal probe blog', you'll understand what I considered getting down to business. I didn't do that this time. I'm too old for that shit. I've mellowed with cheese! With age, definitely comes wisdom.

We have a lot of family phrases....I bet you guys do too. One that applies here is 'Lighten up Francis'. Not sure where it came from, but TBM says it all the time. I told myself that the whole week before I went back to WW. If I'd start stressing, I'd say 'lighten up Francis'...and calm myself.

I really wasn't ready to go back. I really wanted another week....I knew another week would mean a whole 7 days of uncontrolled eating, more weight to take off, and I really didn't want that either. I told myself I was going last week. Alone. When I'd get that feeling of 'aaaaaakkkkkkkkkk!!!! what am I doing????', I'd take a breath and lighten up. I was just going to do it. No big deal. S'all gravy baby. Another phrase...from my youngest (who by the way is his mother personified!!)

So, I went. I got up the next day, the first day OP of course, and just did it. If I started to feel caged in, limited choices, I told myself to lighten up. I can have anything I want...I'm not deprived. If I screw up today, no biggie, tomorrow will be better. I went in this time knowing it's a life time thing. I've said that before, but I've never believed it. I always thought I'd work the program 100% my way (the anal way), get to goal, then relax and do it like it's intended. Well, you see how that worked for me!

In the past, I'd start WW and immediately think of some event coming up and start to panic that I'd want treats then. I have an example handy....We're going to a big get together in August(yes, I realize I joined WW in July...told you...this is how my mind works!)....all the Michigan people from our FL home are getting together in Frankenmuth here in MI. We're having lunch at a family style place. Chicken, fried of course, taters, stuffing, the works. The thought popped into my mind that I can't go to that! No way my 35 extra points for the week will cover that...oh God what will I do??? I'll have to sit there and sip water while they all pig out! The horror!!!! Oh ya, my mind works like that. I actually got myself all worked up over this....for about 20 seconds. In the past, it would have been two weeks of worrying, agonizing, and then a total pig out that day, the day after, and probably the day before too! That's how I rolled.

This time is different. I'm thinking of these events and telling myself it's OK if I have a little extra. I know that doesn't work for a lot of you, but let me tell you what's happening here.

I wake up in the morning, think about what I'd like to eat that day...and immediately think OMG it's not enough points!!! I've been taking a deep breath, telling myself if I go over points today, s'all gravy baby as I've got those 35 extra. It'll work. The surprising thing that's happening, is telling myself not to worry, I'm not worrying, and I've had plenty of points every single day without even needing to dip into my weeklies. They're there if I want them though. Amazing what an attitude change can do!

In the past, I never wanted to have a heavy point lunch as what if I didn't have enough points left for dinner....lighten up Francis...enjoy lunch, then worry about dinner.

If attitude is everything, I like the one I've chosen to adopt!

How's your attitude? Does it need an adjustment?

S'all gravy baby