Monday, September 27, 2010


Before I begin, I just noticed I have 150 followers. How cool is that? My goal weight = the number of my followers. Coincidence? I think not!

OK, on to the previously scheduled program.

You'd think I'd learn. Oh hell no. Not the easy way anyway. It's Karma. The minute you say 'I'll never do this', you of course do it. "That will NEVER happen to me". Count on it bitch because is is SO going to happen to you!

We get comfortable. We really believe it won't happen. Well boys and girls, it can and it does. So, if you're out there saying NEVER NEVER NEVER, you still have to take steps to make sure, or it will be ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!

I've said NEVER a few times. Here, here, and oh hell the list of course goes on.

I want to change my ALWAYS to NEVER. I can't do that without changing the way I think. Wow, how's that for a difficult task? Change the way we think. Can it be done? Dunno, but I'm going to try.

When I said I was NEVER going to get back into a size 18 pants again, I sure the hell never thought a 22 would be tight on my ass EVER again. I don't like it. I don't want to feel this way again.

I have never been shocked when getting on the scale at my Weight Watcher meeting. I always weigh ahead of time and I know what to expect. I didn't this time. I didn't even look at what she wrote in the book. Until the other night. It was like someone punched me in the gut. Literally. I've never had that feeling and I didn't like it.

I need to remember this. How it feels. When I get back down into my size 14's and lower, I need to somehow channel this feeling of fat oozing everywhere so I won't get back here again. It is easy to do. For me anyway. I need to ALWAYS remember:

how bad my knees hurt
how bad my hips hurt
how bad my ankles hurt
how fat my face feels
how fat my ass is
how things jiggle and ooze
how I don't feel beautiful
how I feel embarrassed every time I go out in public
how I'm ashamed of myself

Oh I want to revel in the glory of being fitter again. Feeling beautiful, etc. But in the back of my mind, I need to remember how bad this sucks right now so I DON'T FUCKING DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!


Oops, I said it again. I believe it this time. This time my never is not going to be an always. I'm old, but I'm still learning.

Peace be the journey



  1. i love the number symmetry <3

    ive been there with the nevers. and still not learning. maybe weight watchers will teach me. i recently re =wrote my list of reasons i should not be fat. maybe i need to re-read them to remind me.

    thanks for the tips! *huggles*

  2. I hear you. I feel you. Today's post is actually quite about the same thing. Love to you, sister. It's really gonna be okay. Breathe. Forgive. Peace.


  3. Been there done that. Lost this before and NEVER thought I would be at this weight for sure! Not only gained it back, gained MORE back! So, I understand. I was just "down" into a 22, now it's a 24.....So, I have gathered myself together and am going back down. NEVER EVER DO I WANT TO BE HERE AGAIN!