Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's alive!!!!!

No, not some horror flick.....ME!

We made it to FL....boxes everywhere and the U-Haul isn't even unloaded yet.

I love every effing minute of it!

Just wanted you all to know I'll be back soon. I have over 150 blogs in my Google if I haven't commented on yours, you know why. I can't wait to catch up.

Thinking of all of you.

All is well in my world.

My heart and soul are at peace even if my knees and hips are bitching!

Hard work, lots of it, and I love it!

Back soon, count on it!

Peace be the journey


Monday, August 23, 2010

T minus 4 and counting

We leave Thursday. In the final stretch.

Won't have time to blog a lot until we get to FL and settled of course.

My notes from the universe today I loved. Here it is.

It's one trick, Debby, to manifest exactly what you want.

It's another to bring about something even better.

Leave the door open,
The Universe

So, we want to get skinny. We decide which diet program to use and what exercise we're going to do. We write it down, we commit. We begin. When we start, maybe getting skinny is our only goal. Is that all we get?

I don't think so.

Like 'The Universe' said, 'Leave the door open'. Think about what's going on in your life. You're getting skinnier sure....I bet there are other changes.

I bet you are a bit happier.

I bet your knees feel a bit better.

I bet your self esteem raised just a bit.

I bet you feel just a bit sexier.

I bet you're a bit healthier.

I bet you're a LOT healthier.

Skinny is great, but those other things? Wow, a lot better for sure. Go with the flow and enjoy all the perks of your weight loss and exercise.

Think about the changes in your life. What are they? Even if you've 'only' lost 5 pounds, do you feel a change? Anything at all?

Go ahead and plan all you want. Just don't forget to leave the door open for all the fantastic changes you didn't plan for!

Peace be the journey


Saturday, August 21, 2010

This is not who I am


Walking into work last night, my cheeks were bouncing and jiggling. Both sets. I was uncomfortable. I actually felt the fat bouncing on my face and ass. I paid more attention. I felt the fat on my stomach and thighs slamming around in my skin too. A thought popped into my head.

This is not who I am.

I am not the fat chick anymore. Oh, sure, physically I am, but I don't want to be. That's a good thing. We have to want to change or we won't.

If I become complacent with my fat, I can let it define me. I become the fat chick. My mind wants to be the fit chick, so it will get my body on board.

I was very excited to hear my mind tell me that we are going to whip this fat bod into shape. Sometimes she's a bitch. Last night I liked what she had to say.

So, who are you? Are you the fat chick or the tubby guy? Or, are you the healthy, fit individual?

You are who you think you are.

Peace be the journey


Friday, August 20, 2010

Credit where credit is due


I'm reading the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's really great. Several times she's said things that I want to write down to remember. Ya, so I haven't done that...just have to read it again sometime. Last night I was reading in bed and read something so great I quit reading so I could ponder it as I was going to sleep. I thought to myself it would make a perfect blog topic.

That was last night. Now it's morning, I don't have my glasses on, I haven't had my coffee yet and I can't find what got my motor running last night. I tried, but man without my glasses I can't even see the words! I don't like to wear my glasses when playing on the laptop. I know, weird. Deal with it. You know you love me just the way I am! I wanted to use the exact line that got me thinking. I will find it....later.

The crux of what I got from it was that I am rushing and not experiencing. I bet a lot of you are also.

We try to get from point A to point B as quickly as we can. We want to lose weight and be fit and we want it now. We don't like cutting calories or whatever we're doing, and most of us don't like exercising. We do it to get to point B. The healthy us.

I intend to slow the hell down and enjoy the ride more.

When I put healthy food into my body instead of crap, from now on I intend to think about it. Feel all the little nutrients speeding around and doing good things for my health. Allow myself to smile, to feel a sense of accomplishment.

When I'm exercising and things hurt and I'm a sweaty mess, I intend to bask in that glow. To thank God that I can do whatever it is I'm doing even if it causes me pain. Yes, my knees and hips hurt, but how much worse would it be if I sat on my fat ass all day long every day?

Enjoy the fact that I CAN do and not that I MUST do.

On the flip side, if I'm letting a bottle of wine slide down my throat chased by some decadent pasta in a cream sauce, I plan to revel in that also. Seize the moments. The big ones and the small ones. They all work together to make up my life. It's short. I want to get the most out of it!

I'm trying to get everything packed up, cleaned up, polished etc by tomorrow morning. We're moving on Thursday. OK, in theory, that's great. I'm doing this so our last days in the town I've spent my whole married life (32 years) in won't be rushed. Not only my whole married life, I spent every summer in this town all my life (almost 52 years). Lots of weekends also. We had a 'cottage' up here that was built before I was born. I always told my mom I was going to live up here. She said I couldn't...there were no jobs. I said I was going to marry rich. I just didn't know it was going to be his name!

I have no regrets about leaving this town. It served me well, but it's time to move on. I have no regrets about leaving my home. Again, it served me well. I have NO regrets about leaving my summer job. It's an awesome place to work, but I'm over working.

After reading whatever the hell it was that I read in the book last night, I realized that I've been working all summer toward tomorrow morning. Working to get it done, so I could be done. Man I'm glad I read that last night. I caught it in time. Today is my last day and I'd have rushed through it. Point A to point B. I caught it in time though, so today I shall bathe in the moment.

I'm enjoying my last cup of coffee as a working woman in Houghton Lake. After I publish this, I intend to shut the laptop down and sit with my coffee and my thoughts. Let them wash over me.

I'll be going to the Secretary of State today here. For the last time.

I'll be going to my post office here today. For the last time.

I'll be going to work at Buccilli's tonight at 4. For the last time.

I'll be packing more boxes today. Boxes of things that have never been out of my house. For the last time. They'll love their new home.

I shall carpe the diem for sure.

Today, more than ever people,

Peace be the journey


Addendum: I put my glasses on and found the line that started this ball rolling.

"Zen masters always say that you canot see your reflection in running water, only in still water."

Today, let me be still. Let me both see my reflection, and reflect.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Do you have one?

As you probably know by now, we're moving a week from today. You can't imagine how exciting it is for me to say that finally. A week from today. I imagine I'll be up early that morning also. We'll get the U-Haul around 8ish and hopefully begin loading around 9ish. Hoping to be on the road no later than 1 or 2. Only going 246 miles the first day. Should be an easy, relaxed day. The only way it can be that way is by preparing ahead. Kind of like our weight loss program.

Nope, my motto isn't 'plan ahead', though another day it might be. I think we can change up our motto's. Find one that works and stick with it until it doesn't, then find another one.

We live on a lake here in Michigan. We have a huge winter festival each year. Snow sculptures, fair rides, polar bear swim, elephant ears, snow mobile races, fishing contests, even a parade. The whole shebang. I was going through all my pictures trying to pare them down for the trip. I came across pictures from Tip Up Town 2000. Good family times. We even took a helicopter ride that year. The Marines had a section set up with an obstacle wall and other neat stuff. The wall was actually an inflatable pyramid shaped dohickey. Climb up one side, slide down the other. Very cool. On the flat side was printed what is going to be my new motto for a while. I found a picture of me standing next to this. In fact, here it is.

I love it!

Think you can't do something? How do you know if you don't try it?

Did you walk 20 minutes yesterday? How bout pushing yourself to 21 today? Test yourself. See if you can do it.

Thinking of giving up artificial sweeteners? Try it for a day. One day. Test yourself.

Trying to quit swearing? Give it up for one day. Test yourself.

Just imagine what we could accomplish if we tested ourselves daily.

Today is a new day. Let's not waste it.

How will you test yourself today?

Peace be the journey


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Takin a freakin break

Holy crap! You've all heard 'the hurrier I go, the behinder I get'. Well, welcome to my world right now.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm on top of the freakin clouds.

This has nothing to do with Weight Watchers at all. No diet, no exercise. Just what's going on in my life right now.

My niece called and said she was going to her Dad's this week and wanted to come over and visit. I said fabby. She said she had air mattresses. I said ummmmm we don't have any furniture! lol Finally told her I'd come over there to visit if TBM and I had a day off together. Would call as soon as we got our schedule and make a plan. I was excited to see my brother and all my nieces and nephews etc.

We got our schedule for this week Sunday at 1:35AM. I got out of bed at 1:44AM to check email for it. We asked to be scheduled light this week as it was our last week. So, looked at my schedule first. Friday and Saturday. Not too bad. Then looked at TBM's schedule. He only had 3 days...excellent. Except his days were Wed, Thur, and Fri. Shit. Couldn't he have scheduled us on the same days? Last week ya know??? I couldn't sleep the whole rest of the night thinking that I didn't want to work on Saturday as that would be the only day we could go see my bro. Really. The whole fuckin night. Tossed and turned and kept wishing I didn't have to work and worried about what I'd do about it.

So, got up early Sunday and hit the road for our visit with our kids. We'd requested Sunday and Monday off a long time ago for this trip. Was awesome. Lots of grand baby snuggling etc. Nothing I could do about next Saturday until Monday anyway so let's enjoy.

Got back to town on Monday and went right to work to see who had a day off that maybe might take my hours. Girl doing prep that day didn't work Saturday and said she'd work my shift for me! HOLY SHIT!!! It was like the weight of the world was lifted. I know, stupid, but it really was.

Got so much to do this week. Packing etc. This is the final count down people. We want to have everything done by Friday night for the move. Everything. So we can play the last few days. We've worked hard all summer. We deserve it. Man oh man is it a lot to finish up this week. I'm on a roll today though, and I now have confidence it will be done.

Saturday morning will find everything packed that can be packed.

Everything cleaned that needs to be cleaned.

Addresses will be changed, arrangements made. I's dotted and T's crossed.

I'll spend Saturday with my brother and his family.

Sunday we're going to the city to see my oldest son and his family. My grandson just had surgery yesterday and he needs one final dose of Grammy kisses. He's 2. It helps.

Monday we're hooking up the rig and going camping for 2 days. Wine country.

Wednesday we're coming back here, doing all the final packing/cleaning, and having dinner with friends.

Thursday morning we're picking up the U-Haul, packing it up, hitching up the rig and hitting the road. TBM is driving the U-Haul, I'm hauling the rig and we'll be on our way to our new home.

The stress takes my breath away a lot.

The excitement is bringing tears to my eyes a lot.

I'm an emotional mess.


Today TBM is at work and I've been busting my hump. He's going to be so amazed when he gets home. He's never going to believe all I accomplished. There will be a fabby dinner waiting for him too.

I'm a ball of fire!!!!

Peace be the journey


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Share and share alike

Remember when you were in school and you had something you weren't supposed to and the teacher asked you, 'Do you have enough to share?' Bitch just wanted whatever I had for herself I'm sure. Well, today I have enough to share!

I found 2 new blogs of recipes. Yum! Gina's blog, and, this new blog.

I haven't delved enough yet to find out the gals name in the second blog. I did drool already though, and that's a real good sign! I love how the second one has a whole little dohickey on the right hand side of her blog with different point values you can click on for recipes. Very handy if you're a Weight Watcher member. If not, the usual go to conversion is 1 point usually equals about, close to, approximately, 50 calories. I also like that the second blog allows me to read the whole blog in my Google Reader. The first one doesn't.

I'm not a fan of the blogs that only give you a tidbit in the Google reader, then force you to go to the actual blog to finish reading. Here's why. I follow quite a few blogs. I get behind sometimes...go figure! I have them set up in my google reader to read from oldest to newest, and of course if I have to visit the actual blog they go from newest to oldest and well I just am not that kind of girl!

OK peeps...I've got a hella full day here. TBM has today off work with me and this is going to be the one big, huge, mega, supercalafragalisticexpialadocious, push to get the cleaning and packing for our move (TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!) on track. OMG seeing that in writing, 2 weeks from today, just made my heart flutter and my breath come in short bursts. Talk about stress!!!! Sooooo much still to do. Oh, and did I mention that the last 4 days we want to just play? So we want EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY THING PACKED AND CLEANED BY THE 22ND? AND, (Yes, I know you're never supposed to begin a sentence with AND...I'm a fucking English major for goodness sakes!)the 22nd is only 10 days away????

OMG where the hell is the paper bag???

Peace be the journey


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Thoughts From The Universe

I get daily emails from the universe. How cool is that?

Today's was too deep for my mind to grasp before coffee, but I found this little gem at the bottom.

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®

Like wow dudes!

Not half an hour ago, I had my Weight Watchers registration card in my hand looking for the cancellation directions. You see, I have no intention of being on program for the next few weeks. Yes, I know I should. I know it can be done. I'm only moving from the home I've lived in for 32 years after all. I'm only buried under stress for the moment. I'm only going through some health issues. No biggie. Well, to me it is a biggie.

I opened my email after that and read my little note from the universe and I got thinking. How often do I sit and think 'Ohhhh I'd really like some potato chips!'? After a while, I'll be sitting there holding a bag of chips. One chip isn't enough for me. One piece of cake isn't enough. One slice of homemade bread? Please, who are you kidding? I'm an addict. I can't stop at one. What can I do to get my mind off the thought when it first springs into my brain? Before it becomes an action? A thing? A reality?

What if, when that thought popped into my mind, I replaced it with something else? Find some positive thing that spurs me. Then every time I have an attack of the 'I wants', I'd just pull that positive thought into my mind.

Had my first sip of coffee here and delving just a bit further.

Are you at the beginning of your weight loss journey? Do you have a lot of weight to lose? I SO get your struggles. I've been there. If you don't have 200, 300, or even 400 pounds to lose, you can never truly understand the feelings of hopelessness. I so admire those of you that started your road to a healthy life before it got to that stage. You know, those of you that 'only' have 50-100 pounds to lose. I'm one of 'those' people now. I only have 100 more to lose. I sure wasn't when I started.

See, right now, when thinking of what positive thought I could pop into my mind, when the food monster invades, I thought of picturing me thinner. Feel how I felt in my clothes, in my skin, when I finally got under 200 pounds. I could do that as I was there. Not so long ago...January in fact. At the beginning of my journey, however, that wouldn't have worked. I remember people telling me 'nothing tastes as good as thin feels', or 'picture yourself thin', and a myriad of other cliche spoutings. I have been fat all my life people. Picture myself thin? How the hell can I do that? I don't know what it feels like. I don't know what it looks like. I'm not that kind of visionary! When you weigh nearly 400 pounds, picturing yourself in a bikini on some sandy beach just didn't comprehend.

Maybe we don't need to actually picture ourselves any way at all. Maybe we just need to find a way to change our thought. Sit, ponder, think about something that makes us truly happy. Think about some time we laughed until we peed a little. Think of any instance of true joy. Burn it into our memory. OK, got one? Ya, me either quite yet, but I will have as I really think this is something that could work. In fact, I think I'll conjure up more than one.

How can this work? Well, what if, while sitting in the parking lot of the store, I see the McDonald's next door, and all of a sudden a thought of crispy, golden, salty french fries pops into my mind? Oh no! What shall I do???? If I keep thinking about those fries, my fat ass is going to be over there ordering them, and then eating them. Dipped in mayo if you must know. Oh hell yes, I didn't get fat by eating too many baby carrots! So, what can I do instead? Change my thought. Grab that happy memory, think of that, smile. Truly concentrate on it...let your mind wrap around that. In other words, get your mind off the fries and onto something else! Hey, it could work.

I'm conditioned for instant gratification. I need to recondition myself. Pavlov is 6 foot under somewhere so I just have to figure out how to do it myself. Figure out how to ring my own bell.

I'm smiling right now thinking of things. Some are huge, some not so huge. It doesn't have to be huge. My friend MK and I got laughing one night as I was driving her home from cards on the golf cart. We laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. I dropped her off and laughed all the way to my place. I had tears, I had snot, she peed a little. Just thinking about that took my mind down the path of other happy memories.

I put my registration card back in it's drawer. I might not be 100% on program, but I'm not quitting. It's going to be there in the back of my mind. I'll keep going to my meetings, and I'll think happy thoughts when the munchie monster hits.

This just might work......

Peace be the journey


Monday, August 9, 2010

Eating in private. Revisited

Yep, so I told you I don't eat in private, and I thought I didn't. I guess I do.

You see, I ate yesterday. Oh did I eat. I didn't tell you. You couldn't see me, why should you know? I had no intention of telling you either. Then I thought about yesterdays blog post, and realized if I didn't tell you, I'd be sneak eating.

I also learned yesterday I'm a stress eater. Who knew? It's becoming crunch time here as far as our move goes. I'm not upset about it, I am excited to go, but it really is a lot of work. We've lived here for 32 years. That's a lot of ends to tie up. We want every end tied up, all the boxes packed, the i's dotted and the t's crossed by the 22nd. See, the 22nd is our last day of work. We move the 26th. We really want those last days to just chill. Drive up to wine country, get some bottles for the road. Visit friends we won't see again, eat at restaurants we may never get to in the future. So, we're trying to wrap it up here while still working. Wow. I only work a few days a week, but TBM works 5. The days he works, he's useless for anything else. I've got shoulder/knee/ etc problems. I have trouble climbing ladders, lifting the boxes I'm packing. I need his help. We've got 2 days this week...this is one of them and it's half gone!

So, I had yesterday off. I wanted to pack a lot of boxes, do some cleaning, do some paperwork. I pondered all I had to do over a few pieces of friendship cake. It was so good, I had a few more. Ya, so I can't eat just one!

I have a really awesome kitchen here and all of a sudden I wanted to bake bread. So I did. I love the smell of bread raising, and even better, bread baking. It came out of the oven and I cut one steaming crust off, thick of course, and slathered it with cold butter. It was fantastic. I then cut the other crust off, repeat the cold butter, and still awesome.

I had a butt load of salami and crackers for 'lunch'.

I fixed dinner. Meatloaf and sweet potatoes. Wanted something else to go with it, so prepared some pasta. I was going to bake the sweet potatoes. Instead, I cubed them up, boiled them, drained them and added brown sugar and honey and then put them in a pan and baked them. When they were done, I added marshmallows I found in the drawer. You know, as I put them on I could just feel Jillian Michael's shaking her head at me. I felt guilty. I took a perfectly healthy food and fucked it up big time. My pasta was whole wheat. I added butter and fresh grated Parmesan. Fucked that up too. A veg? Oh no. A fruit? Does the bottle of wine I had with dinner count?

There was more cake, more bread and butter, and can't remember what else, but there was a lot of that too.

That was yesterday.

I just took my left over whole wheat pasta and had that for lunch. Somehow, some onions and fresh garlic and fresh jalapeno fell into some sauteing butter and that got added to the pasta....along with some Parmesan and Velveeta and cream. Of course breakfast was homemade bread toast with butter and eggs.

I don't feel one bit guilty (except for that moment with the marshmallows), but I should. I should feel bad for putting all that crap into my body. I kind of want my body to last a while. I need it for stuff.

Live and learn as they say. It's so very true. I learn new stuff every day.

Today I learned that I make kick ass spaghetti in cheese sauce.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll learn that I prefer wholesome food.

A girl can dream eh?

Peace be the journey


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Do you have a dirty secret?

Our Weight Watcher meeting this week touched on a lot of things. One in particular, was eating in secret. Hiding your food intake from others, sneaking food.

I don't do this. So, in my "I'm going to figure out why the fuck I'm fat" phase, I have decided to delve into my psyche on all the topics brought up at meetings.

I weighed 368 pounds and I wasn't a closet eater. I was an in your face, take this if you don't like it, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke, eater. Oh I died inside when I saw people looking at me at a buffet. I felt the heat rise up the back of my neck when I saw the glances when I got the big bucket of popcorn at the movie. I did it anyway. I'm a stubborn bitch if there ever was one. I still am. Back in the day, I used to go to Weight Watchers on Thursday night. After the meeting, a group of us would go out to dinner. We went to the Big Boy and always had the soup and salad bar. They had Weight Watchers cabbage soup, but I always had the cream of broccoli. They had fat free dressing, I had the blue cheese. It was my reward for being good all week. Thing is, part of the group that we went with included the leader, the weigher, and the secretary! How's that for in your face eating? I wonder what they thought? I don't wonder how I'd have reacted if they'd have said 'you know, you really shouldn't do this to yourself', but that's another post!

So, no, I'm not a closet eater at all. What you see is what you get. It wasn't always like that, now that I'm delving. I remember being very young and sneaking food. I wasn't allowed snacks, and I'd come home from school starving. I'd sneak something, anything. I used to get what my mom called bilious spells. I know now it was a gall bladder thing. My gall bladder would build up bile and it had to come out. I'd throw up for about 24 hours until it was all gone and then that was it. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink during these spells. My mom would make me wait 24 hours from the last time I was sick, and then I could have jello water. Only that for the next 24 hours and then I could have chicken soup. Nothing ever tasted better than that soup! Thing is, once all the bile was gone, I felt 100% fine. The sickness was gone, I was back to normal. Mom didn't know this, she was doing what she thought best. I remember once sneaking a whole block of cheese from the fridge and hiding it under my bed. Another time she'd made hamburger steaks in gravy for dinner and I snuck one of the left overs and hid in the bath tub and ate it. I walked to school. I'd save my money up and stop at the little party store on the route on the way home and buy junk to eat as I walked. It was gone when I got home, the evidence disposed of. When I was old enough to drive, it would be A & W hot dogs before dinner, chips, anything I could get my hands on. I'd be so stuffed when dinner came around, but I'd have to eat anyway or my parents might know what I'd done. So, around my parents, I was a food sneaker. That ended when I met TBM.

I don't know if it's just a rebellious thing or what. You'd think that eating all the food I eat in public would control what I eat, but it doesn't.

I wonder why? I think I shall ponder this further. Maybe it'll be another door unlocked for me.

What about you? Do you eat in private? Or, do you put it all out there?

Peace be the journey


Saturday, August 7, 2010

Saturday thoughts

Yes, I am a nerd. I love words. What can I say? I love when I'm talking to someone and they throw out a word I never heard. I love how it rolls off their tongue. I add it to my memory bank (full of holes these days!)for future reference. Sometimes I steal them and use them. You've noticed I'm sure that I stole 'asshat' from a fellow blogger. I just love it. It fits. It works. When I first read Carlos' blog (Oh man I miss him so much!!!), he used the word 'girthitude'. I never heave my fat about in exercise without thinking of that. I just love words. I get a word of the day email in fact. I have a folder labeled 'words' where I put the ones I like. I look at them every so often. I can't usually remember them to use them, but I do like looking at them. So, this came today.

Word of the Day for Saturday, August 7, 2010
mojo \MOH-joh\, noun:

1. Personal magnetism; charm.
2. The art or practice of casting magic spells; magic; voodoo.
3. An object, as an amulet or charm, that is believed to carry a magic spell.
4. Good luck or favor concerning an event or individual.

How many times have we been on a roll with our diet/exercise program and said 'I got my mojo workin'? Or, the all to common, and more often it seems, 'I lost my mojo'?

I know that sometimes, I'd like to know how to cast magic spells. I'd love to do some magic and be at goal weight. Maybe I need a charm?

Well, damn it, I'm not Samantha Stevens, much to my chagrin, and I can't nose twitch my fat away.

So, I have to gather up what I know works, and avoid what I know doesn't. I read blogs, get ideas, know other people are fighting the fight with me. Plod on. Avoid the asshats that try to derail me. Try to pare down my girthitude.

Today I'm going to be a sponge. Soak up all the good ideas and let the bad ones leak out.

Today I'm going to rock my mojo.

Peace be the journey


Friday, August 6, 2010

Deep breath

I'm taking a deep cleansing breath before beginning & I'm drawing on my inner TJ this week for all it's worth.

Why, you ask? Well, I'd like to type more than 4 letter words, that's why!

OK, so my wonderful vacation week culminated in a .6 pound gain at my WI last night.

I'm sure that a lot of you think 'only' gaining .6 on vacation was wonderful. It would have been if that had been my goal. It wasn't. My goal was to lose.

I don't understand it even after looking back on everything. I planned ahead. I packed my own food. Breakfast in the hotel was what I brought, not their fare. Camping was the same. The times we ate out, I planned ahead and I counted the points. There were a few days, however, where I got busy and didn't have nearly enough points. That is what I'm attributing to my gain. It's working to soothe me so I'm going with that.

Just an FYI? Frozen custard is hella bad for you! I wanted it, and I planned for it and counted the points. All 16 of them!!!! I am sure a few of you think I'm crazy for using 16 points on an ice cream cone. It was the best I ever ate. Let me explain.

We were in Wisconsin visiting my second son and his family. They just bought a new house and as we're leaving for FL in 3 weeks, and for some unfathomable reason our boss gave us Fri, Sat, & Sun off together, this was our chance to see the house, and get some grand baby snuggling in. My second son is a foodie. He loves food. Loves to create food, loves to eat food. When he finds something he loves, he gets all excited and calls mom to share it. I love that about him. He's been married 5 years this week. I haven't got to talk to him alone since he got married. Now, don't be thinking all kinds of dark things here. It's not that I want to talk to him alone because I don't like his wife and can't talk in front of her. It's not that I want secret information. If you're a man, you won't understand. If you're a young mom, you probably won't either. If you're an older mom, you might. He got married 5 years ago as I said. Right out of college. In those 5 years he graduated, got married, got a great job. He bought a house, had a baby (premature I might add). They got pregnant a second time, another high risk pregnancy, and in the middle of that, he lost his job. Company went belly up. He busted his balls, found another job. A better job, better bennies, everything. In a different state. So, he packed up his wife, his 2 premature babies, his dog, and off they moved to a new state. A month ago, they bought a new house. He calls often and we talk of course...but about his job, what's going on etc. A lot has been going on with him, however, and mommy just had one question for him. Are you happy? I know he loves his work, he likes his new house, etc., but is he happy inside? Yep, that's it. That's all I wanted to know. I needed to know. He suggested we go to this awesome place for frozen custard after the kids went to bed and in my mind, it was the most wonderful thing ever. My baby is happy. Mommy is happy. 16 points of frozen custard? Priceless.

Ya, so I guess I haven't got that 'separate food from emotion' thing down yet!

OK, so .6 wasn't the end of the world. I am pissed but I'll get over it. It's not going to derail me. It's not going to get the better of me. To be honest, the thing that is really upsetting to me is I just know everyone thinks I just ate too much. Why do I care what people think? Hmmmm not too sure. I shall just smile and think evil thoughts and know in my mind that they're wrong!!

Has this ever happened to you? When you really know in your heart you were 'good', that you did the do, and the scale was an evil bitch to you? C'mon, let me know I'm not alone!

Peace be the journey.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A blur

That's what this post is.

Wanted you to know I'm alive.

We're on vacation. Loving the shit right out of it.

Today is day 6 of vacation. Also day 6 of my WW week. Yep, I weighed in last Wednesday night and Thursday hit the road.

We've been to Wisconsin and back. Drove through Chicago twice. Stop and go, bumper to bumper traffic. Both times. Sucked.

We tossed stuff into the 5th wheel when we got back and hit the road in the opposite direction. We're 'camping' with friends now. Went to dinner tonight with other friends from out of state.

HUGE get together tomorrow in Frankenmuth, MI for all the MI ppl from our park in Florida. Family style chicken dinner.

So, where do I stand diet wise?

Well, even if you didn't ask, I plan to tell you. Day 6 on the road and day 6 of being on plan. Holy shit! Did you even hear that?

I'm not depriving myself. I had a glass of wine last night. Counted the points.

I was going to have lobster pizza tonight for dinner...had the points all counted and everything. It sucked. I didn't deem it point worthy so didn't eat it.

I've saved a lot of my weekly points for some fried chicken tomorrow. Not a binge, one piece.

I'm learning to eat normal.

I don't know what the scale will say. If there is a gain, it's not going to be from my diet.

I'm on a roll.