Monday, August 9, 2010

Eating in private. Revisited

Yep, so I told you I don't eat in private, and I thought I didn't. I guess I do.

You see, I ate yesterday. Oh did I eat. I didn't tell you. You couldn't see me, why should you know? I had no intention of telling you either. Then I thought about yesterdays blog post, and realized if I didn't tell you, I'd be sneak eating.

I also learned yesterday I'm a stress eater. Who knew? It's becoming crunch time here as far as our move goes. I'm not upset about it, I am excited to go, but it really is a lot of work. We've lived here for 32 years. That's a lot of ends to tie up. We want every end tied up, all the boxes packed, the i's dotted and the t's crossed by the 22nd. See, the 22nd is our last day of work. We move the 26th. We really want those last days to just chill. Drive up to wine country, get some bottles for the road. Visit friends we won't see again, eat at restaurants we may never get to in the future. So, we're trying to wrap it up here while still working. Wow. I only work a few days a week, but TBM works 5. The days he works, he's useless for anything else. I've got shoulder/knee/ etc problems. I have trouble climbing ladders, lifting the boxes I'm packing. I need his help. We've got 2 days this week...this is one of them and it's half gone!

So, I had yesterday off. I wanted to pack a lot of boxes, do some cleaning, do some paperwork. I pondered all I had to do over a few pieces of friendship cake. It was so good, I had a few more. Ya, so I can't eat just one!

I have a really awesome kitchen here and all of a sudden I wanted to bake bread. So I did. I love the smell of bread raising, and even better, bread baking. It came out of the oven and I cut one steaming crust off, thick of course, and slathered it with cold butter. It was fantastic. I then cut the other crust off, repeat the cold butter, and still awesome.

I had a butt load of salami and crackers for 'lunch'.

I fixed dinner. Meatloaf and sweet potatoes. Wanted something else to go with it, so prepared some pasta. I was going to bake the sweet potatoes. Instead, I cubed them up, boiled them, drained them and added brown sugar and honey and then put them in a pan and baked them. When they were done, I added marshmallows I found in the drawer. You know, as I put them on I could just feel Jillian Michael's shaking her head at me. I felt guilty. I took a perfectly healthy food and fucked it up big time. My pasta was whole wheat. I added butter and fresh grated Parmesan. Fucked that up too. A veg? Oh no. A fruit? Does the bottle of wine I had with dinner count?

There was more cake, more bread and butter, and can't remember what else, but there was a lot of that too.

That was yesterday.

I just took my left over whole wheat pasta and had that for lunch. Somehow, some onions and fresh garlic and fresh jalapeno fell into some sauteing butter and that got added to the pasta....along with some Parmesan and Velveeta and cream. Of course breakfast was homemade bread toast with butter and eggs.

I don't feel one bit guilty (except for that moment with the marshmallows), but I should. I should feel bad for putting all that crap into my body. I kind of want my body to last a while. I need it for stuff.

Live and learn as they say. It's so very true. I learn new stuff every day.

Today I learned that I make kick ass spaghetti in cheese sauce.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll learn that I prefer wholesome food.

A girl can dream eh?

Peace be the journey



  1. OH NO!!! I understand completely. That is why you can't make the bread, cake, cookies, etc. BECAUSE WE CAN'T EAT JUST ONE. That is just setting yourself up for failure. Take a deep breath and start over again.

  2. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't feel gulity. Sounds like you enjoyed it. Sounds like you are going to enjoy eating your way to your new house. Don't over do it. Then you will feel gulity!

  3. Hey...all you can do is begin again right? I actually have come to believe that horses were made to fall off of. Shit happens. At least it does to me.

  4. What ARE we going to do with you?

  5. oh my goodness....

    I used to make a big box of pasta add a whole stick of butter to it and LOTS of fresh grated parmesan cheese....and eat it all. With no one looking of course.

    I'm not gonna say anything else. Cuz I have been there sista! lol

  6. Ohhh, sweet, Pixie. Sounds like you just needed some comfort, my love. It's okay. It is done. Start anew. And just add some water to your today to help speed that other stuff out; like attract likes, so once it's in, we usually want more. Just help it pass and let it go. We are not in it for the battles, my friend. We are in it for the war! Is there someone in your support system that you can call for comfort in those moments, instead of the food, by the way? This has become one of my "life line" actions. Calling or texting 1 of my 2 support team members. All my love to you, sister. It's ALL good! <3 Becky of My Walk From Flab to Fab

  7. I could have written this, oh man, i SO could have written this.

    I'm just starting my journey and i feel like i hav so much to learn, but it's good to know that others, even with amazing success as you still have the same battles i do. We've just got to be strong and smart and work together and cheer each other on!

    Go you for tomorrow!