I guess I forget that sometimes.
Right now life is so weighing me down. Ya, that happens to all of us. I just feel like I'm staked to the ground and am being pulled in 4 different directions. Something is going to snap. I can hear it now.....'CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3!'
I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight. They said they have the heaviest contestants ever. The scary thing? I thought some of them didn't look too fat. Wow. How jaded have I become, to see someone that is morbidly obese as I'm sure all of them were, and think 'they don't look too bad'. A few weigh what I did just 2 years ago. A few weigh what I did at the beginning of my journey. A few weigh a whole lot more. But still.....just wow. Maybe I'm not so happy staying where I am for a while? Maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone and get back on the program.
I went over to my friends house today and was met at the door with open arms. Now, I'm all for that any day, but I didn't know why. She kept saying....well shoot I can't remember what she said now...something like she was proud or she was in awe....didn't know...was just taking the hug....life weighing me down remember?...it felt good! Seems that she saw a few of my before pictures on my blog. She'd never seen any before pics of me...she's only known me for a few years so never at my highest weight. She was impressed with my progress. Guess I haven't thought about that lately.
I have come a long way. I have bettered myself. It should stop there, but it never does. It's always goes something like this. "Oh I've lost a lot, but I've got a lot more to go'. Why not just say 'thank you'? Two simple words that would give credence to what I've done. Two little words that would allow me to take credit for all the hard work....why can't I take a compliment? I just don't know. I know it made me feel good when she was so happy about my progress.
I watched BL tonight and kept thinking 'I can't do that'. Man was that depressing! Oh, it's not because I think I can't, it's because with all my new problems, I physically can't. I'm telling you, getting old sucks! No way in hell should I be this way at 51 years old! I can't lift any weights as I'm not allowed to grip anything. I have 6 fingers that trigger if I bend them. I'm telling you that hurts like hell!!! I can't lift my right arm past my waist without grinding pain. I can't even swim for goodness sakes and I was good at swimming! So, in my emotional state, I sat there watching that show thinking 'oh poor me'.
Screw that shit.
I can't lift weights.
I can get myself a ball and do crunches etc on it.
I can't jog.
I can walk. (oh my knees crunch like Rice Krispies, but I CAN walk!)
I can't swim.
I can walk around in the pool and jump about and move my left arm. (when the ice thaws! It's freakin cold here!)
I can't golf or bowl.
I can ride my bike.
We can think negative or we can think positive. Sometimes it's easier to just have the 'I don't care' attitude...take the easy way out. I've been doing that for a few weeks...OK months. Maybe, just maybe it's time to start giving a shit again.
I'm not this girl anymore.
I will be if I don't pull my head out of my ass.
A wink and a smile
6 years ago