Wow!

Ya, so I poached this from another blog. What else is new????

I can't remember who suggested I read Nutmeg Notebook...but someone must have mentioned her in their blog or I wouldn't have found her, or saved her to my feed reader. As you know, I'm busier than a cat covering shit here lately, so I get behind in my blog reading. I don't have to work today. I'm taking the 5th wheel in for new tires. Oh yippee, yay! Den is working, so I'll be doing this alone. No biggie, except when I come home, back the behemoth in, I like him to put the cement blocks under the jacks. Guess I'll be doing that so I can drop the damn rig before picking him up from work tonight. Crap, I digressed again! WTF is new???

I have only read like 2 of NN's blogs....I just found out she's 50...cool. Someone my age I can relate to. Not that I don't relate to you young whipper snappers...don't get your panties or jock straps in a bunch...it's just nice to see someone older actually doing it.

OK so this is what she said.

"I learned that for every pound of weight I lose, it results in a 4-pound reduction in knee-joint load for each step I take! "

Wow....as you know, my job is one of physical labor. Damn hard physical labor if you're 51 and fat as hell. I take 2 Aleve before work and that keeps my shoulder and hands from crying out for death...but it doesn't touch the knee pain. I get home and sit and it's hard as hell getting back up. I go to bed and my knees just throb and I can't sleep. That really sucks! Not even being comfortable in bed.

So, if Ms. NN is correct, for every pound I lose, my knees will thank me a little more. I need thanks here folks!

See, you think you blog for yourself...to get YOU through YOUR journey...but you never know what you're going to write that will help someone else.

So, whoever of you reads Ms. NN, please tell her I poached her quote, and I'm getting to know her.

Peace be the journey

:-)

Day by day or year by year?

Sometimes I plan ahead.

Sometimes I have to go day by day, or even minute by minute! I'm not at the plan ahead stage again yet. I liked it when I was there...I was in the groove...rocking the scene...you know, on top of things.

Weight loss, getting healthy, right now it's in the deprivation stage. I keep thinking of what I can't/shouldn't have. That shit has got to stop. So, today, I'm going to think of what I can do today. Not tomorrow, not next week, today, to get me toward my goal.

Deprivation makes for a crappy motivation. So, what can I do today to help eliminate that feeling you ask? Well, I have an answer!

I can make a list of all the food that I like to eat that isn't total shit for me. Isn't going to kill me off 10 years too soon. You know...kind of semi healthy fare that I will actually shove down my throat? Ya, that kind. If I have a list of stuff I like, that I can choose from, it won't seem like such a chore. It'll seem like I have a choice. That's how I roll....find what I like and treat myself!

So...here we go.

Salmon patties
Taco salad
vegetable soup
Cream of broccoli soup (evaporated skim milk is my friend!)
Roast beef, potatoes, carrots, fresh green beans (wow, comfort food that can be good for me!)
Creamy chicken curry
whole wheat pasta with homemade pasta sauce...TVP is my friend in this!
8 can soup
Fried fish- yes...toss the fillet in a bit of flour and corn meal and fry it in a teaspoon of healthy oil in my cast iron skillet. I then make a 'ho cake' to go with it and cole slaw. Ho cake is made with corn meal (healthy grain) and buttermilk. Yum.

These are just a few off the top of my head.

Keep in mind I really don't like veg. So, loading up my plate with steamed veg just isn't going to happen. You have a recipe where the veg is disguised? Bring it on! I can gag down a few roasted veg...but again, it's not my favorite and usually I end up leaving them on my plate and leave the meal hungry...not a good scenario.

What are some of your favorite meals? Help me add to my list!

:-)

Amazing Taco Salad

Can I just say yum?

Dinner last night was actually amazing. A combination of healthy, and not so healthy as that's how I'm going to try to run my life for a while.

We make fabulous, scrummy, delicious, rich, creamy, did I say scrummy? Oh yes I did...well we make homemade ranch dressing at the restaurant that is slurrrrrpalicious. I brought home 2 small (OK not so small as they're 2oz cups so that's 4T)containers of the heavenly sludge. I drizzled a bit of one of them on my salad. A total improvement for me as last week I'd have used both containers on just my salad!

OK, so here's what I did. No pics...sorry but trust me, it looked fantabulous!

Ground chicken. Yep, 97% extra lean Butterball ground chicken. Ya, Wal-Mart quit selling Jennie-O...I liked the Extra Lean 99% FF...will find it somewhere later. This worked for last night. Ground chicken can be a bit bland as some of you know...but I'm trying to get away from eating red meat all the time. I'm trying to embrace the bird, ya know?

OK, so now, really, here's what I did.

Ground chicken (think it was 19.5 oz)
1 perfect unblemished jalapeno pepper (meticulously diced into teeny, tiny, perfect little square pieces)
4 cloves of garlic - peeled and diced this . size. This * size if you're feeling spicy.
1/2 red bell pepper- diced into pea sized pieces.
1/4 cup Taco seasoning mix
1 Vadalia onion, diced however you like your onion diced. I like mine small.

I put a bit of safflower oil into the sauce pan. Yes, I use a 3 quart saucepan when browning ground meat. Keeps the splatter down and is perfect for adding the rest of the junk to the ground meat without overflowing the frying pan.

To the hot oil I added the onion and stirred. Looked at it a while, inhaled the gorgeous vapor. Poked at it with my favorite wooden spoon. I like to poke.

I now added the red pepper. More inhaling and poking.

Now add the garlic and jalapeno. Careful inhaling must now ensue. Don't ask how I know this.

After the chicken loses it's pinkness, and the onion, garlic, pepper, and jalapeno have permeated the meat, add the taco seasoning mix and about 1/2 cup of water. Poke it around a bit more with the spoon and cover and turn heat to low.

Move on to the taco chips. I picked up my favorite low fat whole wheat tortillas. Read the ingredient package past the whole grain part and holy shit they had hydrogenated oil!!!! You have freaking got to be kidding me! I then picked up the low carb Mission....the list of ingredients were long and scary. Not really even sure it was whole grain. I then picked up a package of corn tortillas. Whole ground corn and 2 other ingredients. Ah, ya. Let's have those! I heated safflower oil in the pan, sliced the tortillas into strips and fried the daylights out of them. Yep, I fried. Next time I want to slice them, toss them in a bowl with 1 teaspoon of oil and bake them in the oven. Hey, I'm learning! After they were golden and crispy, I turned them out onto paper towel and hit them with salt. I did measure the oil in the pan before and after and there was only 2 teaspoons missing and some of that was left on the paper towels. Not too bad, but not how I'll do it next time even if it is a healthy oil.

Let's move on the the accouterments shall we?

Lettuce - I like mine shredded small
Tomatoes- diced small of course
Vadalia onions- you know the drill
Avocado- yum!
Cheese if you need it. I find that the strong flavors of everything else drowns out the cheese anyway so I usually prefer to skip it. Last night I diced up (ya I know, I have a dicing fetish!) up about an ounce of 2% Velveeta. It was totally YUM!

I took a large dinner plate (yep, I usually eat on a lunch plate. Screw that last night!) and I put a small serving of the meat. Smelled and looked fabulous. On top of the hot meat, I put the little diced Velveeta. Got all melty and yummy. Now the onions...a buffer between the hot and cold stuff you know? Now the lettuce and then the avocado and tomato. Looked like a pretty little rainbow! I then drizzled some of my ranch dressing over it and then some chips. HOLY SHIT IT WAS FABULOUS! In place of ranch dressing I usually mix fat free sour cream with taco sauce or salsa...didn't want to do that last night.

So, dinner had veg. Yay!
Dinner had lean meat. Yay!
Dinner had crunch. Double Yay!
Dinner had flavor. Triple Yay!
Dinner would have had beans had I remembered to soak and cook any. Oops!

Just had to share.

Chef's note: Do NOT rub any private, tender part with your hands after meticulously dicing jalapeno peppers. Either yours, or those of anyone else.

:-)

Deep water

I'm going to shamelessly steal a quote from my dear friend Daphne's blog today.

I'm not going to wade in gently, I'm going to jump in with both feet. Here is the quote.

"but I need to get rid of all those fears that are in my head and not real, so that I can concentrate on looking out for any real dangers that there might be"

D is preparing for a small swim. OK, not so small. She's preparing for THE Great North Swim. Holy shit people, she's going to put on a wet suit, jump into freaking freezing water, and oh yes, swim a mile. Doesn't sound like much? Try it. I dare you. I can't tell you how proud of her I am. She's my age, although much fitter than I, and going to do this. I had planned on being there, and I'm upset to no end that I won't be able to see her finish. My friend Silverback will video it and take a squagillion pictures though, so I'll at least get to see those.

Her quote was in a blog about her first swim in open water with her new wetsuit, and the fears that ensued. Since I have NO intention of stuffing this fat ass into a wetsuit anytime soon, what the hell does her swimming have to do with me? Sometimes I read things, and oops, they just happen to apply to my life in a different context.

I'll let you in on a little secret folks. I'm lazy. Yep, that's right. Lazy as an old dog in the summer heat. Now that I think about it, scared too. I'm scared that I'll fail at things so I quit. I don't like to be labeled a quitter, and it's a quality that I sure discouraged when raising my sons. With them, if they started something, they had to finish it. You want to play football? That's just fine, but if, two weeks in, you don't like it? Tough shit. You finish the season. You commit to something, you finish. They always did. In fact, they still do. It's so much easier to say 'do as I say and not as I do'.

Is my weight loss journey at yet another road block because I'm scared? Wow. Deep. So deep, it bears asking again.

Is my weight loss journey at yet another road block because I'm scared?

Do I need to learn that fear won't kill me?

Do I need to learn to master the fear? Embrace it? Then, and only then conquering it?

Do I, for once in my life, need to suck it up and do something difficult? Change my evil ways? Break my bad habits one by one?

Holy shit I think I do.

It's OK to be scared. It really is. Being scared won't kill me. Eating uncontrollably WILL kill me.

I wanted to walk a 5K earlier in the year. I didn't do it. I used the excuse of my physical problems to get me out of it. That was BS. I was afraid I couldn't do it. I was afraid people would laugh. I was afraid I'd be dead last. Oh yes, people, when I play, I play to win. Always.

Maybe it's not all about winning. Maybe it's about enjoying the race. Maybe it's about feeling accomplishment in the small things.

Today I will embrace my fears. Let them wash over me. Realize they aren't going to engulf me. Take a deep breath and find a way to push through.

Today I will enjoy the race.

:-)

Is how you diet how you run your life?

So, I'm sitting here quite overwhelmed. Thinking. Yes, I know that can be dangerous.

I'm sure by now you all know we're selling up and moving. Not to the hills, far from it. Florida is where I wanna be. Buttonwood Bay to be exact. I was going to put a link to the park there, but actually the link pretty much sucks. It used to list a VERY impressive list of activities, but that seems to be missing now.

So, anyway, where was I? Oh yes, overwhelmed. See, we've lived in this house for 23 years. Am I sad to be leaving it? Leaving the home my children grew up in? Leaving memories? Hell no. My memories are just that. Memories. Selling a physical house can't take them away. Did we have good times here? You bet your ass. Will selling the house take that away? Nope. Do I have any angst at all about selling my home? Nope, none, nada, zip. Why? It's not my home anymore. Buttonwood Bay is my home now. It's where my heart is. So why am I overwhelmed?

WEREN'T YOU LISTENING????? 23 YEARS PEOPLE...23 YEARS OF SHIT ACCUMULATED IN EVERY ROOM! You do realize we live in a home the freakin Duggar's would want??? No? Oh DO let me elaborate. You can see some of it here. Although, for some reason, she's left rooms out. Go ahead, have a look, I'll wait. OK, back? Good. Yes, you saw right. Six bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and a 3 car garage. Oh, and of course, the attached apartment! Don't forget that. So, while working part time (Thank God it's not full time or I'd have a heart attack for sure), I'm trying to go through 11 rooms, 3 bathrooms, 12 closets, 3 bays of a garage, oh yes, and a freakin shed too, and decide what we want to take with us, what we want to sell, what we want to offload on the boys, and what we can give friends. All the while, trying to keep it clean and nice in case someone wants to view it!!!

So, this brings me back to my topic. Bet you thought I forgot eh? Nope, I didn't!

I've realized in my packing/cleaning that I do it willy nilly. Do I go into one room and work in there until it's done? Um no, not so much. Let me give you a glimpse into yesterday.

We had to be at the bank at 9am so came home right after that and had coffee and then got started. Den had to work at 11 and I had the day off. So, I had a whole day to do things and not worry about tiring myself out before work. I stood back to survey my Princessdom and this is what I saw.

My bedroom is quite a little mess as we sold the bed. I've got 2 boxes in there partially packed. Den has hauled everything out of the closet in there as that is his closet. So, the floor and the top of the only dresser and the top of the cedar chest are covered with stuff. The floor needs mopping in there and the windows washed.

The main bathroom is a disgusting pit. The floor is filthy, the shower doors still cloudy after repeated scrubbing. The vent fan is full of dust and the mirrored lights above the huge, oval, (toothpaste splattered) mirrored medicine chest, are filthy. The shower head is catty wampus so it's sending a spray of water all over.

The dining room now holds a 12 foot long industrial buffet table as we sold the dining room table and chairs. That table is covered with 2 HUGE notebooks that I did for two of the boys graduations, all the Cd's from my 300 CD changer, two briefcases that I wanted to sort through, and of course, various other shit. There's also a secretary's desk in there that is packed full. Thank goodness that has a roll top! Oh yes, an oak cabinet holding the rest of my Grandmother's Noritake china. Rest of it you say? Yep, I packed some of it. Did I pack it all? Nope.

Anyway, you get the drift. Every single room needs attention. So, it would make sense to go into one room and just do it. Stay in there until it's finished. Yesterday I went into the bathroom with every intention of completing that. I fixed the shower. Got the ladder, the robo grips, the Teflon tape, and got that all fixed. Did I stay in there and finish? Nope. Went out and took care of the Cd's on the table instead as I want that looking nice. Did I finish that? Nope, went back into the bathroom and vacuumed the vent fan and cleaned the mirrored lights. Did I stay in there and finish that? Nope, went back to the dining room. Took one of those HUGE notebooks and photographed each page and d/l them to my computer to make sure it worked. Yep, it did. Now I can give those books to the boys, but still have them for myself. Did I do the other book? Nope. Went back into the bathroom and scrubbed some more stuff....so I'm sure you're getting the drift here. I worked all day long and totally finished NOTHING. NOTHING!!!!

So, on to my diet now. I should pick one thing that I'm lacking in, and stick with fixing that until it's fixed and then move on. Yes, I think that's a fabulous idea.

So, today, my goals right out there for all of you to view.

1. Pick one room and 100% complete it. Yes, it is fair to pick a room that I've started in. I need to finish something today before work. I have to. For my sanity.

2. Pick one aspect of my diet and work on that today. Keep working on that one aspect until I get it down pat, then move on.

If I'm not going to jump back on the diet bandwagon full force, I need to at least step up on the freakin step. I'll keep gaining weight if not. Even staying the same would be an improvement right now. Hold my ground, and then start the battle again, one bad habit at a time.

Today, I pick fruit and veg. I've not had either for months. Yes, you heard right. Months.

Today, my friends(especially TJ that is the veggie queen!), I promise to eat 5, yes 5, fruit and veg. No, today, juice doesn't count. I could ease in, but I'm not going to. I'm going to jump in with both feet and commit to that goal.

Hold me to it. I need help. I can't afford to go back to my beloved Weight Watchers, so you guys need to be my support team. Yep, I'm needy. I am an independant woman, but I can't do this alone. I've tried, God knows I've tried. I've failed too. Don't leave me hangin peeps.

Holy shit I feel energized already. I feel like I can do this. Hmmmm someone must be sending me positive vibes already! Keep 'em comin!

:-)

Are you responsible?

I am.



When I was little, my mom was sick. As long as I can remember, I had to do all the housework. From the time I was about 10, I did all the cooking and cleaning. As soon as I could drive, I also did the grocery shopping. I remember my Aunt getting very angry with my mom. Telling her I was a kid, I shouldn't have to be responsible for all that. If I didn't do it, who would? My mom couldn't, so I did. Did I resent my mom? Probably. Don't most teens at one time or another? Mom died when I was 23 and pregnant for my 3rd son. I took care of her the best I could. I was responsible.



I married at 19. We were poor as church mice. My hubby provided. He worked, brought home the proverbial bacon. He was, nor is not now, a handy man. If something needed fixing, we had to pay someone else to fix it. I started learning things. We moved into a new home when I was pregnant for our first child. The house needed work. We had no money. Den couldn't do it. So I did it. I learned to do a bit of electrical work. I learned if I wanted a book shelf, I could build one. I learned if I wanted an updated kitchen, it would require me, 2 girl friends, a bucket of paint, a steam iron (don't even ask about that!) and a whole lot of alcohol. I was responsible.



We moved into our present house in 1987. I was 28 years old. It had 5 bedrooms at the time and one phone jack. In the kitchen. Our home was 90 foot long, so if you were at one end, and the phone rang at the other, you just didn't hear it. The phone company wanted a ton of money to run wire and jacks to other rooms. I missed the call my father made to ask me to drive him to the hospital as he thought he might be having a heart attack. He drove himself. He was indeed having an attack. We needed more phone lines. I thought briefly about calling the phone company and having them come out. Screw that. I learned it was easy to do it. I bought myself a 2 foot long drill bit and went to work. Oh ya baby...we had phone jacks in every room of this house, including the bathrooms. We got cable...they felt the same way about extra hook ups in extra rooms as the phone company did. Plus, they wanted to charge you per hook up each month. Screw that. I learned how to run cable, use splitters, strip wire and clamp on ends. Coaxial that Charter. I ran cable to all 5 bedrooms, the bathroom, the basement, and out to the garage, just because I could! We wanted that stuff, couldn't afford it, so I figured out a way to get it. I was responsible.



I did all the bills, taxes, shopping, planning, running kids, scheduling appointments, home repair, cleaning, you name it I did it. I was responsible.



My Dad moved in with us. We had some fun years. Then he got sick in about 2004 I think. He used to tell me that if he ever got sick, he wanted me to put him in a nursing home. I told him nah, I'd take care of him...unless he needed his diaper changed...then his ass was going in the home so fast it would make his head spin. We'd laugh. We laughed a lot. We even laughed when I was changing his diaper. No nursing home for my Dad. I took care of him. I held him. I changed his diaper. He hung on. I told him to let go. Go to Mom. I told him he didn't need to take care of me anymore. I just felt that was what he was fighting to stay here for. He wanted to take care of me. It was my turn now though. I pulled the couch right up next to his hospital bed (it was right there in his room here in our house) and held his hand and talked for hours. I'd say 'remember this?' and launch into stories of old. He'd stir now and then, a smile would flicker on his face, his hand would tighten in mine. I know in my heart he heard. I know in my heart that when I told him I was OK, and he could go, that's what finally convinced him to go. I was responsible.



Fast forward to now. My fingers don't work. My knees don't work. My shoulders don't work. I've gained a ton of weight in the last few months. My clothes don't fit. I'm not happy. I feel the fat jiggle when I walk. I feel the pain when I walk and move. Pain that could be reduced if I got some of this flab off. I'm working this summer not because I want to, but because with our financial situation right now, I have to. It's killing me. I come home from work and everything hurts so bad I can't get up after I sit down. I go to bed and everything just throbs and I can't sleep. My knees feel like knives are stabbing in and out. My thumbs feel like someone is shoving white hot needles in them. My shoulders...well they just frigging hurt. Why, if I have been responsible since I was a young Pixie, can't I get my act together to be responsible enough to start a healthy program? Why is it, I seem to be able to be responsible for everyone else in my life except myself? I really wish I had the answer. Maybe I want someone to take care of me now. This is something nobody can do for me though...I have to do it myself. I have to be responsible.



I read a book a long time ago by Bob Green I believe his name was....someone working with Oprah anyway. He said that there is a psychological reason if you're fat. You have to figure out what that is before you an lose weight. I thought it was BS. I'm fat because I like to eat. Well yes, that's true. I do love to eat. I love everything about food. I love the taste, the smell. I love the feel of food in my mouth. I love the feeling of food in my stomach. I love it all. BUT...(yes I do know you're never supposed to begin a sentence with a preposition), why, if I know eating like I am is killing me, don't I stop? It's more than just eating because I like the taste of food. So, maybe it's not all BS.



I'll figure it out. I always do. I'm responsible.

:-)

Not dead

Honest.

Got home a week ago Tuesday. DIL #2 came Wednesday and son came Thursday. Son and DIL #1 came Friday and left Monday. Worked their asses off while they were here! I've started working at the restaurant also...oh yes and have had the Realtors here checking out our house.

We list tomorrow at noon.

I have been thinking of all of you. I will be back. Things will calm down. After tomorrow I think.

Unpacking, packing, sorting for a garage sale, trying to get things clean and in order...mowing grass that hasn't seen a blade since last fall, weeding, mulching, pruning, cleaning, you name it I'm doing it!

Keep watching.

I'll be back.

:-)