Sunday, December 14, 2008

Calm before the next storm

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood. Oh how I miss the easy days of Mr. Rogers!

Yesterday was another roller coaster day. Geez this is hard getting used to. I've always been a person with one emotion. Happy. Yep, that's it. Sorted. Done. Now I've got so many different feelings rolling around inside of me....ohhhhhhhhh an epiphany! It's all those extra feelings rolling around in there making me gain so much weight! Whew! Glad I got that figured out!

My day went something like this.

*Lay in bed til 9am (usually up at 6am)so I don't have to talk to anyone.
*Get up, drink 4 cups of coffee to try to become human.
*Have a hysterical crying jag that lasts 2 hours.
*Try to explain why I'm upset and what's wrong.
*Go to store. Leave glasses at home so can't read one package. Wanted a frozen pizza...couldn't read the boxes to decide what I wanted.
*Another hysterical crying jag when friend says 'I wish you'd tell me what's wrong'. Ahhhhhhh I did that! Menopause Debby has some kind of syntax problem that prevents thoughts from the brain traveling through the correct paths and leaving the mouth in some sort of coherent pattern. For example yesterday afternoon's 'explanation' of what's wrong. What I meant was "I'm feeling overwhelmed here. 1. It's difficult for me to get up in the morning and try to figure out what I'd like to eat for the day and what I think Den should eat for the day and then get everything out and prepared for the correct times. 2. I'd really like some help around the house. Yes, I realize most of the clutter is mine. I could work on picking up the clutter and you guys could dust and vacuum. I could mop the bathroom floor and you guys could clean the shower. I could vacuum the living room and you guys could dust. Oh by the way, have I told you how much it means to me that you guys do the dishes every single day as I hate doing dishes more than anything in the world??? 3. My grandson's 1st birthdays are approaching and I've bought something that I need to actually make for them. One of them needs to go in the mail on Monday and I've not even taken the pieces out of the bag yet and I have NO idea where my sewing machine is! The list goes on.

What came out of my mouth? I don't remember exactly but I remember saying 'I want to go home'! WTF??? I am home. I swear to God I don't know how to talk anymore. I think I meant that I just want to go back to how it was. Normal. I miss normal.

Sorry...I rambled again. What this whole thing was supposed to be about was AFTER we got home from the grocery store. I of course had nothing for dinner again. Couldn't read the boxes remember??? I was sitting in my chair feeling sorry for myself when you hear the trumpets here? See him elevating on a silver cloud? Well, I do. Friend said 'would you like me to fix you something for dinner?' Wow! Can't remember the last time anyone has fixed me a meal. I asked if I could do anything to help. He said 'sit there'. So I sat. I had a glass of wine, OK so it was 2. Food was presented to me all prepared. I sat in my recliner, feet up, wine at side and ate the most delicious meal I've had in a long time. I felt special and cared for. It was nice. We've always had a rule in our house that if you cook, you don't do dishes. He did dishes too! God what a luxury last evening was!

I had a healthy meal last night when I'd have eaten junk if left to my own devices. Thank you my friend.

Not sure how today will go yet, but I'm hoping for the best!

1 comment:

  1. Keep fighting menopause Debby!! I have confidence you will win.

    Just read your blog. Got here by way of Carlos's blog. You've done such a wonderful job losing. You are an inspiration. I have lost 44, gained back 14 and still have about 110 to go!!

    CJ (cjontheway on the WW boards)