Saturday, December 13, 2008

I want a personal chef

I'd also like a wife to do the housework but that's a different blog!

I'm having ever so hard a time lately. I don't want to plan, I don't want to cook, I just want someone else to do it all for me for a while. Fighting the ups and downs of menopause is hard enough without trying to figure out what I'm going to eat each day and then fix it and then do the same for Papa. He's on WW too and I need to fix his food for him. He works midnights so I always need to figure out food that can be toted and re-heated well. I just don't wanna do it!

I had a really rough 2008 as far as weight loss went. I was suffering, and I do mean suffering, with gastroparesis and for some unknown reason, it just went away in June. The link tells what it is, but basically if I ate anything at all, I was full for hours and hours. It wasn't a pleasant full either as the food would just sit in my stomach and rot so I always felt icky. The only time I didn't feel icky was when I was hungry, which was pretty much never as there was always some food sitting in there rotting! I had a stomach emptying test and it took over 8 hours for 1/4 of an egg sandwich to even start moving out of my stomach. I pretty much lived on tomato soup and cheese and milk shakes. Anything soft...yogurt, pudding, mashed potatoes. I didn't lose weight during this time either which sucked! So in June, I went from not being able to eat any solid food and then BAM, I could. I spent the summer eating everything I missed for the last 2-3 years as the gastro went away once before, but it came back. I knew that if I didn't get in all the things I'd missed, and it came back, I'd be pissed. Oh I got it all in for sure!!! I gained over 20 pounds this summer alone. That didn't bother me. I knew that I could get that off by the end of the year.

I decided that as soon as I got to Florida I'd start the WW back up again as I sure don't want to end up back where I started. Got here and another BAM, menopause decided to begin. Oh yippee hoorray. Now I'm a bitch that wants what she wants when she wants it and I'm trying to tell myself no. Oh that is going well!!! I have mental battles with myself for hours on end and one of us (oh yes there are more than one of us in there now) is going to lose and no matter what happens the results aren't going to be pretty! If the WW wanting Debby wins, then the menopause Debby is pissed and of course, visa versa. It's a freaking war inside my body on a day to day basis! Unfortunately I have found that I can quiet the menopause Debby with chocolate, chips and copious amounts of wine! Ya, I know I gotta figure this out....but my figuring capacity is diminished too! I'm a mess I tell ya!

I decided (the WW Debby that is) that this week would be THE week. I went to WW on Tuesday and warned the leader before I stepped on the scale. After she regained consciousness and got back in her chair, she just said 'Oh my, we'll just start fresh shall we?'. I'd gained 12.8 pounds. Now granted, I'd not been to WI for 2-3 weeks...but holy shit 12.8 pounds??? Seems the Menopause Debby wants to hold on to what fat she has and pad herself for future possible denial by WW Debby! Bitch!

OK, so let's do the math here. I keep a spread sheet of my gains and losses. I used to like to look at it as even though there were some bold, red numbers(that's how I record my gains), there were many, many, more lovely black numbers. At the end of each year, there was always a loss. Might be a small loss, maybe even only a pound or two for the year, but always a loss. Well boys and girls, this year, the year I thought I'd reach my goal, there's not only not going to be a loss, there's going to be a big, bold, red gain. I'm sad about that. Right now, there's a grand gain of 21.6 pounds. Now I don't care how much WW Debby tries, she's not going to get that off by the end of the year. Heavy sigh.

I'm good at telling everyone else to put everything behind as there's nothing you can do about that past...yada yada yada. I will do that myself, I'm just not sure when! I know I should just start right now, fresh....but I really want a thick, juicy, hamburger. I want, I want, I want!

I really hate Menopause Debby and I'm trying to figure out how to off her. She's taken over and she only hears what she wants to hear. I really wanted that hamburger for dinner last night so I asked my friend if he wanted to go out for dinner and we could share one. I was thinking of an Outback burger you see and they're really huge. I thought he could have all the fries and half the burger and we could maybe get a salad and we'd both be stuffed. Apparently Menopause Debby doesn't make herself clear as he didn't understand and thought I meant I wanted to go to the Cafe by the Lake for lunch and share one of their tiny burgers. Ah no. Anyway, WW Debby would have just explained but ohhhhhhhhh nooooooooo Menopause Debby just said forget it. She cuts off her nose to spite her face you see. She also refused to get anything out for dinner in hopes that friend would re-consider. Of course friend DID reconsider, but Menopause Debby then figured it was one of those 'I really don't want to go but I'll go because you want me to but I won't be happy about it at all' things and said no. No??? WTF???? I told you, if I can figure out how to kill the bitch, I will. Anyway, I had rice for dinner. Oh ya that was a big girl thing to do!

Sorry, I think perhaps I rambled there! Ah well, I thought this would be a cathartic thing to do. Maybe someone else out there is going through the same thing and we can help each other. Maybe someone else out there needs to put a hit out on someone, Menopause Debby can do that! Maybe someone else out there has chocolate, chips, or wine. I'll be right over!


  1. Friend here : I don't care how many versions of Debby there are now, they are all still my bestest friend ever. In a way I now have several best friends so it's a win/win for me !

    But seriously it's hard knowing which one to listen to or try to help right now. Basically they all confuse the shit out of me but then I'm a man.

    As for the burger part of this post, well I was caught between a rock and another rock. I'd ALWAYS want to go out to eat but I'm trying my best to be strong when Debby is weak as I KNOW she wants to lose weight so how can I just keep giving in to her wishes ? I've also got health issues myself so I really don't want to be eating out as I've no willpower either and end up with fries and burgers and steaks as I love 'em all.

    It's a rough time here for sure but as long as we all know the score and discuss things, we can try and eat well, lose weight and stay friends !

    The last one of those is the most important to me.

  2. Hmmmmmmm you are to always give in to my wishes! OK, that's sorted.