Friday, December 11, 2009

Stay the course

Those are words you hear often.

Stick with it for the long haul. It's not an over night thing. You didn't gain it over night you're not going to take it off over night. Sound familiar? Sure it does. Make sense? Of course. Easy to hear/practice/do/act on for 40 years? Hell no!!!

I am having a most difficult time lately as most of you know. My friends want to help. TBM wants to help. Can they? Ah no. Why not? They're not me. They don't know what's in my head, or in my heart. I got an email last week from a well meaning reader. They said I was being lazy. I was being a baby. I needed to suck it up and just get on with it. Thanks. That helped a lot. NOT!

Let me try to explain. Most of you are on some sort of weight loss program. There are different phases as we all know. Let me tell you, the honeymoon is over here! Compare my weight loss journey to a job. You start a job. You work 30 years and then you retire. I began my weight loss journey over 40+ years ago. That's a frick of a long time to do something. I was trying to explain to my friend the other day. He said but you weren't on Weight Watchers all that 40 years. No, correct. My first attempt at Weight Watchers wasn't until 1977. There has never been a year in there anywhere that I wasn't on Weight Watchers for all or part of the year. Not one. So, that's over 33 years right there. I want my pension!!!!!

I want to stress here that I'm not giving up. I'm not throwing in the towel. I'm just trying to explain what is in my heart and my mind. I really believe we all learn from each other here and this is my forum to try to get out there what I can't say with words.

Here are the facts:

The fact is I've lost over 160 pounds and I certainly don't want to gain it back.

The fact is, my Weight Watcher goal is 150 pounds.

The fact, in fact the most important fact is, I'm fine where I'm at right now....for now.

Oh yes, all you ass kickers out there may suck in a breath of disgust. You may tell me to suck it up and pull up my big girl panties. You're wasting your breath. That doesn't work for me. It works when I tell myself that, but not when others tell me that.

The next fact is I'd like to weigh 20 pounds less than I do right now. Just not right now. I really feel that is where I'd be happy for the rest of my life. Yes, 184 pounds would be really fat still. I don't really give a rats ass. I'm not out to impress. I've got flab and rolls that aren't going to go away even if I get to goal weight without surgery. Do I want to face surgery to tuck and tighten? I used to and that's a fact Jack. Right now I'm facing surgery on my hands, both of them. I'm facing surgery on my shoulder. I'm sure I'll be facing surgery on my knees down the road. I'm facing an immanent surgery to hoist up some bladder and bowel parts in the female area. I think that's enough cutting! The fat and flab is just going to have to dangle. I'm OK with that now. I never used to be.

I can just hear some of you saying 'Oh she's making excuses'. Maybe I am. Mostly I'm just trying to get across what I'm feeling. Not an easy task sometimes as you all know.

I'm tired boys and girls. After 40+ years of counting points, weighing and measuring, thinking about every bite that goes into my mouth. I need a new plan. I need to not think of being on my diet or off my diet. I need to quit thinking diet.

I need to not gain back what I lost and that's a must. That's not giving up in my book. The hardest part of losing weight is keeping it off. So, in my book, if I can keep off what I've lost, I'm still fighting the fight.

I'm 51 years old. No, that's not ready for the nursing home yet. It is, however, old enough to enjoy a few things. I want to have a dessert without a panic attack. I want to go to lunch with a friend without either A. being pissed off that they chose a place that wasn't 100% WW friendly, or B. feeling deprived and sorry for myself sitting there with my lettuce leaf and a toothpick while they have a burger. C. I want a glass of wine now and then. Yes, I realize that Weight Watchers gives me those options. Not without a lot of thinking, and writing, and measuring and planning. I want a break from all that. I want to fix a meal and just sit down with a normal portion and enjoy it without first weighing it all out. I just want to be normal. Ya, I know, that probably is a boat that already sailed!!!

I need input here. Ideas. I have some...I need more. Yes, I'm desperate. I need a plan I can live with right now.

When all this was rolling around in my mind yesterday, giving up my blog was the first thing that entered my mind. I mean if I'm not on Weight Watchers, what's the point right? My blog helps me so much. Reading all your blogs helps me tons. More than you'll probably ever know. I take it all in and I learn. I commiserate with some, I hope to encourage some. I just love all you guys! Group hug here! Everyone isn't on Weight Watchers. Some people are just trying to maintain. Some people are holding on by a thread. Raising hand and waving it frantically here!

So, I need a plan of action. I'm still working on it. I have to find something that will keep me from going off the deep end, but with a minimum of thinking. My brain is fried with all this pain crap I'm going through. I need to find a way to deal with that before I can commit back to 100% weight loss. I just do.

Help me with ideas here people. Add to my me make a plan that I can live with and that will work for me. Here's what I've got so far.

Make sure each day includes the following:
3 milk servings
6 fruit and veg servings
whole grains, lean protein, water
3 servings of healthy oil in the form of oil (doh), natural peanut butter, avocado, or almonds.
No hydrogenated oils
no white bread, rice, or pasta...well 99% of the time.

Make sure 3 days a week includes exercise, building to 5 days a week.

I have a few more ideas...but this blog just got way too long. Gotta go tie the knot in my rope.



  1. hang in there PIXIE! I pout that after 2 years I am tired of counting points but it works for me...I know I can stop paying the $39.95 a month but I like the online WW tracker, like the meetings and love the new me. My blog helps me SO much and that is not even WW related! ITS FREE! Id be so upset if you stopped blogging so please dont- or I will have to come looking for you!!! lol

    Enjoy your weekend! :)

  2. Being that friend who eats those burgers (well not ALL the time !) while you nibble on your celery stick, this post came as no surprise to me.

    It hurts me to see first hand what this has been doing to you these last few weeks and I'll fully support you in switching to an 'eat sensibly but eat what you want' methodology.

    I mean I've been doing that for years myself; well maybe more the 'eat what I want' bit rather than the 'sensibly' bit.

    Lets both work on this together !

  3. This entry kept me from start to finish, it was so honest, so real...and I really like that about you. You say it as it is, not what others want to hear...I could relate to so many of your topics you discussed here.
    I honestly think its this time of year thats making you feel this way as I've noticed with myself and others in blogland that they also feeling this way. Everyone wants to enjoy and not be on diet the festive season, but also we dont want to gain weight.
    I am putting a plan in place for me now...I'm going to eat all my points - my activity points and my weekly points for two weeks only...starting the week before Xmas till 2nd Jan...then back on plan 100%.

  4. I have not counted one thing this past 10 months. I have lost almost 70 lbs. We all know what to eat. It's moderation in all things, plus I walk everyday, 3 miles.

    I am not in any hurry. I feel good where I am at as well. Still in the 190's but I feel so much better. I want to weigh 30 lbs less. Someday...maybe soon, maybe not.

    Maintaining is the trick...FOR SURE!


  5. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so frustrated with where you are right now. I truly am.

    I didn't do WW to lose all my weight. Instead I just used fat percent of foods to be my yes/no. It was so easy, and took any counting out of the equation. Not that that's what you should do - just sharing.

    I never counted calories, or fat grams, or anything. Rather I learned which foods to avoid, which to embrace, and how to just eat one portion at a time.

    You have done so well - even if you don't lose another ounce, you are an encouragement to the blogging community just because of who you are.

  6. I hope you figure out what will work for you. I don't think it sounds like you're making excuses. It sounds like you're just figuring things out... where you want to go, how you want to get there.

    I agree with you about surgery.

  7. This post is so honest and I am sure echoes alot of thoughts we all have at one time or another.

    I am the first to say that losing weight and living healthy is HARD WORK. It doesn't come easy to me. I would love to know how to eat less and move more and do it every day. It's just not that easy, is it?

    All we can do is take one day at a time, do our best each day. If you're happy where you are right now, there's nothing wrong with that. Maintaining is another skill we'll need to learn eventually, if you want to practice it for a bit now - why not?

    You're not doing this for your readers, your friends or your family. This is for YOU. Do what's right for you - cause I guarantee you, no one else knows better than you what that is.


  8. You know I think you are awesome! I need your blog, I think others do too. I hate to see you down or feeling bad, you always lift me up! I feel your pain though, you know that! I love your honesty, please keep on blogging, and hang in there.

  9. Debby Debby Debby..............what can I say? Oh, I know! Do whatever the hell makes you feel good. Don't worry what others say.....what fellow dieters/bloggers will say. We ALL have been in your shoes and well lately, I have stayed in your shoes. Dieting has been a part of my life...forever....and it gets boring and dull and mundane! But, I keep going back to it because I need to.

    What I say is "You are the master of your own ship, sail away missy!!"

    You have found support in me whether its on the diet or off or just living your life! For so many of us, dieting has defined our lives as much as the weight has. Redefine I say!!!!!!!!!!

    Love ya girl!
    Hang in there!