Get a grip

Ever feel you're chugging along with a firm grip on things? Then all of a sudden someone greases the frigging rope and you go sliding into the abyss?

Well hell, I do. A lot.

I'm working on that. I'm learning more and more about myself. I'm actually willing to (insert gasp here) change! Oh yes, me, the queen of stubbornness is actually willing to admit the way I've done things for...well forever, just don't work.

Weight Watcher's talk about 'red light foods'. You know, food that if you take one bite you're a goner? I never really thought I had any of those. This week I realized that red light doesn't have to apply to just A food. It could apply to AN action.

I've been fat all my life. That is not a boast. It's a sad fact Jack. I've been teased, taunted, ridiculed, looked over for jobs, and, well you get the drift. I remember being in grade school (Catholic mind you)and being on a diet. My Mom didn't have a clue. She'd make me take 1/2 a sandwich for my lunch and that was it. I mean what else could go in the bag? I wasn't allowed chips or cookies...what else was there? I'm not blaming my Mom for my fat...but geez Ma...fruit and veg were around back then! You think kids are cruel? Just try being around Catholic girls. Those bitches are vicious! They'd make fun of me for being fat AND they'd make fun of me for trying to NOT be fat. Do you think I'd be struck by lightning if I said I wish they'd all rot in hell? Probably, and my Christian side won't let me think that...damn that Catholic guilt!!!

Frick, digress. Again.

So...all my life. My first trip to Weight Watchers was in 1977. Before that I'd tried everything. Atkins, grapefruit, cabbage soup, you name it, I tried it. So with that first trip to WW, I deemed that weigh in day would be a free day. I could eat whatever I wanted on that day. It got me through the week. If I wanted something, I'd tell myself I could have it on weigh in day. That never changed. EVERY single diet I've ever been on, I've had a 'free day'.

This week, 52 years old, I realized that just isn't going to work for me anymore. Cue the angels and harps! Epiphany time!!!

Why? Well, it's the big lead up to 'the day'. I anticipate. Oh what will I eat?? Sometimes I eat things I don't want just because I can. Ya, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes.

THEN the next day. OMG it's so hard to get back on plan. I remember today what I really wanted yesterday and didn't have. Maybe I should have 2 cheat days this week and then next week get back to just 1.

Two becomes three. etc. It's a mental battle. I don't like how my mind feels. I don't like the feeling of deprivation and angst. It's so hard.

SO, yesterday this little niggle started in. I'm loving the new program I'm rocking. The SFT (simply filling technique). It's got good bones. So why do I feel I need a day to lose control? The program is this in a nutshell...

You eat ONLY when you are TRULY hungry.
You eat ONLY until you are satisfied.
You eat mostly only power foods.
A few other things, but those are the basics.

I realized on my 'cheat day' this week, there really wasn't anything I was hungry for. Well, Panera Bread mac and cheese. That shit is to die for! I did want something chocolate. Did I eat those two things and stop? Hell no. It was my cheat day, I could have it all. I did. So, let's think about this...

I get 49 points plus a week to play with on SFT...Panera Bread mac and cheese (the small size which is plenty) is 13.5 PP. A snicker bar was 9 I think...so, wow, let me get this right....I could just go out to lunch any day like a normal person and have the mac and cheese for lunch...perhaps paired with some veg soup instead of the bread roll? THEN later in the week if I wanted a candy bar I could have one??? THEN still have PP left over??????

Who the hell knew??????

I don't like to step out of my comfort zone. It's hard for me to give up things I love. To change my ways.

I think it's time.

I think the cheat day needs to be put to rest. I think I need to give the plan a try the way they intend for it to be worked.

What about you? Do you have a free day? How do you handle treats? I know how I'm going to do it this next week.....

R.I.P. Cheat day....you will be missed.

Peace be the journey

:-)

Friday favorites

Hi everyone!

My gal TJ had this awesome idea and invited us to play along. Always a team player, I accepted!

I'm going to do a Vlog about these soon. As soon as I figure out how!

Oat cakes. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!

I learned a while ago that even if I'm just tossing things in a pot, write down what's going in. Too many times I get done and it's just awesome and I have NO idea what, or how much of anything actually went in! I'm so glad the day I tried these I wrote it down exactly.

I use my Magic Bullet a lot. It sounds hokey, but it's really a fantastic little gadget. You'll see when I do my vlog!

So, without further ado.

Oat cakes- 1 large serving

I put all the dry ingredients in the MB and let it all commingle while the oats are becoming flour. I then add all the wet to the dry and pulse some more. In fact, I do up the dry portion in batches and keep 3 on hand in small Tupperware containers so all I have to do is add the wet if I'm in a hurry.

1/2 c old fashioned oats ground to flour in the Magic Bullet
1/8 t baking powder
1/8 t salt
cinnamon I like a lot
cloves I like a pinch
nutmeg I use whole nuts and grate in....some
1T Splenda
After that's nice and flour like add the wet
1 egg
2T or so of yogurt of choice (I match the yogurt to whatever fruit I'm using)
2T or so skim milk
vanilla to taste
fruit of choice (1/2 banana, diced stewed apples, etc.)

I use a teaspoon of canola oil to cook the cakes. You can just use spray if you want. I like how crispy they get with the oil and I need 2 teaspoons a day anyway. This makes 2-4 cakes depending on what size you make.

This week I started on the apple cakes. I used WW apple pie a la mode yogurt. I diced a whole granny smith apple small and put it in a small pot with a ton of cinnamon, 1 T Splenda, and a little water and cooked until soft while I did the rest. When it was time for the wet in the cakes, I added some of the apples to the mix. I took the rest of the apples, the rest of the WW apple pie a la mode yogurt and whirred that in the Bullet for my 'syrup'. Oh my land was it good!

I'm following WW Simply Filling Technique. This fits in perfectly.

I think I might try pineapple cakes next!!

Peace be the journey

:-)

Sink or swim

I can drown in self pity or I can jump in and swim like a bitch!

A few weeks ago I had a hard lesson. I told you I'd blog about it 'later'. Well, it's later.

The second week of my SFT(simply filling technique)experiment I hit a snag. I went to work for 10 minutes and it turned into 9 hours. I hadn't planned my meals for the day or done any prep as I was coming right home from that 10 minutes to do all that. Around 2PM I shot home on my golf cart to grab something to eat at my desk. Anything. Well, as I hadn't prepared, the choices were slim. There was left over pizza staring at me and I grabbed it. I didn't find out until later on it was 10 points plus! On the SFT I get 49 points plus a week to use so I like to break them up and use under 7 a day so I have a few left for a nice treat at the end of the week. Pizza used to be 6 points. It went up and I didn't know it. I had a glass of wine with dinner to celebrate my fantastic day of work. That went up in points also! All in all, I used 20 points plus that day. I hated it.

I woke up the next day and felt so limited. I couldn't move past the feeling of deprivation I now felt. Many days I use 0 points plus and that's fine as it's my choice. This day I felt like I was forced to do that. And the day after. And the day after. God I felt like it was the end of the world and for the first time ever I felt guilt over eating something!

I was talking to my DIL who was in the hospital after having my 5th grandchild. Bree was born 6 weeks early so of course was experiencing some difficulty. DIL was feeling guilty. Hmmm who else did I know that was feeling guilt? Being the quiet retiring MIL that I am, (OMG I CHOKED THERE!), I gave my two cents worth. You can't go back. You can't undo what's done. You just have to think about the now. Focus on what you can do now. BLINK BLINK BLINK! That was the light bulb going off above my head.

In my mind I'd screwed up my eating plan. So, what could I do about it? I couldn't un eat the food...hmmmmmm oh I know! What if I got off my lazy ass and did some exercise? What if I went out and moved this sedentary mountain and earned some AP(activity points) points plus??? What a concept!

I got dressed and got on my bike and peddled my fat ass enough to earn 2PP. Came home and got my suit on and headed to the pool and earned some more. Wow! It is possible to right a wrong! I didn't intend to eat any of those points, but man did it do my psyche good to know they were there!!! My whole mindset changed. I took control.

I focused on what I could do and not what I did!

Oh ya baby, I may be old, but I'm learning every day. I had a loss that week. A good one.

This week at WI I changed days. I went from a Tuesday morning meeting to a Monday night meeting. You always weigh more at night. I knew if the scale showed a gain, it wouldn't really be a gain. I was praying for even a .2 loss as I'd had 4 losses in a row and I really need to keep my momentum up.

I took a deep breath and got on the scales.

DOWN BABY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was pumped!

5 weeks in a row my friends. 5 weeks in a row!!!!!! DID I MENTION FIVE FIVE FIVE WHOLE WEEKS IN A ROW????? A ROW PEOPLE!!!!!!! That's consecutive!!!

This old broad is swimming along.

One stroke at a time.

C'mon in....the water is fine!

Peace be the journey

:-)

Mis en place

Anyone that knows me knows I love to cook. Roasting, braising, sauteing, steaming, poaching, I love it all. I love to chop and dice....chiffonade, mince, matchstick, & julienne are terms I use daily. I know the difference between a mirepoix and the Trinity and when to use both. I generally prefer a soffrito over a mirepoix...just sayin. If it's a kitchen gadget, I probably have it.

So how does my love of all things kitchen tie in with weight loss?

Well, when I'm cooking, I have my station ready to go. I chop what needs chopping, I dice what needs dicing, my spices are measured in a small bowl, and everything I need is at hand before I actually begin to cook. Mis en place.

As I was planning my meals for today, I realized that mis en place gets me where I want to go even when I'm not cooking. I gather my food guide and my tracker. I fire up the laptop and bring up etools. I get pencil, paper, and my cell phone to hand. Mis en place. Everything is ready, let us begin it.

It's easy to plan when you have the right tools.

How about you? Do you plan? Prepare? Do you have the right tools, or moreover, do you use the tools you have?

Peace be the journey

:-)

Shame on you Ruby Tuesday

That's right, I'm shaking my finger at you. My head is going back and forth and there are even a few tsk tsk's too.

I debated writing this as of course, it's only my opinion, then I read this gal's blog and decided, oh ya, I can write it as, to steal her idea, IT'S MY OWN DAMN BLOG!

So, why is Ruby Tuesday getting my tsk of shame? Because they feed us crap that's why! A large percentage of the things they have are fat laden. There is no need for that. I'm not a fat snob, oh no no no, I love my fat. On the occasions that I wish to avoid it, however, I should be able to!

Now, it's not just the obviously fatty things they have....

Chicken & broccoli pasta = 96g fat
Lobster Carbonara = 95g fat
Fresh guacamole = 96g fat
California club sunrise quesidilla = 177g of fat
Spinach & mushroom omelet = 59g fat

You get the drift there...

I don't have a problem with high fat things on the menu. For the love of all that is holy not all of us want to consume that kind of fat! Hell, my arteries clogged up just reading their nutritional data site!!!

A spinach and mushroom omelet for goodness sakes! That could be so low in fat...so low.

So, they have healthy options you say? Nope, they've managed to fat those up too!!!

Steamed broccoli...fresh mind you...6 grams of fat! What the fuck to you do to steamed broccoli to add 6g fat???? Moreover, WHY would you do it? I mean really, who orders steamed broccoli wanting something fatty???

Fresh grilled asparagus, 5g fat
Fresh grilled green beans, 2g fat
Sugar snap peas, 6g fat
Petite zucchini cakes, 22g fat. I'd hate like hell to see the 'regular' sized ones!

If I can get plain grilled chicken there for 4g fat, and a petite sirloin steak for 6g, why can't I get some veg that isn't a heart attack on a plate????

There are a few choices, very few that are a bit healthier. The problem is making sure they prepare it the way you ask. If you order it steamed, no fat, how come it still glistens? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm????

I'm not ordering mashed cauliflower because I like it better than mashed potatoes, I'm ordering it because it's better for me. Why is there butter floating in it?

What meal did we choose last night? Why a Triple Prime Bacon Cheeseburger of course. We had a coupon for a free burger. This one weighed in at 1144 calories and 88 grams of fat. That would be 33 Points Plus in case you wondered. I don't get that many for a whole day, never mind one component of a meal. I've been so hungry for this, or so I thought.

We planned. We decided to share the burger. I'd get the cauliflower, he'd get the fries. My dinner would be roughly 20 Points Plus. I saved my weeklies and off we went. Like I said, I don't have a problem with fatty food, when it's fatty food I want!

Let me tell you, it wasn't worth it. Or, maybe it was. I learned I won't be back! I won't be craving that burger ever again!

The grease dripped down my arm.

The cauliflower, with greasy little craters, left a film on my tongue. I didn't eat it.

I woke up with horrid acid at 4AM.

I've been queasy all day.

My body revolted from the grease. Guess that's a good thing.

Will I go again when I get a coupon for a free burger?

Ah no.

I'll stick with the pot stickers and salad. I'll bring my own dressing also!!!

Feel free to check out their nutritional site yourself! Oh, you may be shocked by their "Smart Eating Choices"!!! Smart for who? Sure the hell not me!!!

Peace be the journey

:-)

Thinking outside the box

That's what working this new WW program is doing for me. I must say, so far I'm loving it.

I had another loss this week. That's right boys and girls, that would be 4 in a row! I can't remember the last time I had a loss 4 weeks in a row. It doesn't need a number to make me happy anymore. A loss is a loss. That's new for me.

I wanted to blog about last weeks feelings, and what I did to overcome them, but I'm not in the mood for that right now!

Right now, I want to pay tribute to my girl TJ, and maybe help some other veggie haters out there.

TJ fixes what she calls 'crazy salads'. They're not so crazy to me anymore.

Let me begin by saying I don't like salad. Yes, that was a revelation to me a few weeks ago after beginning the SFT. I realized that I only like salad as a vessel to get oceans of blue cheese dressing and buttery croutons into my body. I don't like the salad itself at all. We all know iceberg lettuce doesn't do anything for us anyway, cucumbers and celery are about as useless, but I'd choke that down and say I was eating veg. I didn't even like it for goodness sakes! When I eat something I don't like, it actually makes my tum roll. Not a nice feeling at all. So, if I'm going to eat something I don't like, I might as well pick more nutritious choices!

TJ would put pictures of her salads up and I realized they really didn't look like salad at all. Hmmm what a concept eh???? Maybe I could try that...so I did.

Cottage cheese went onto the plate first, fat free as that's a power food.

Now, carrots. OK, for all you veggie haters out there, try something. It may not be the taste of the veg you don't like, it may be the texture. THAT is my problem in a nutshell & it is something else I've learned recently. Carrots don't really suck ass, but I don't really like them much...unless they're matchstick. They seem sweeter that way to me, moister, not as bitter. Just cutting them different makes all the difference in the world to my taste buds. If I take a bite out of a carrot, I don't like it. If I take the time to cut them into tiny matchstick pieces, I love them. Who knew? They add lovely crunch to the salad. Today I got carried away and after cutting them into matchstick pieces, I cut those smaller even. I enjoy chopping and dicing, what can I say???

Beets. They're a lovely color, but they're kind of bland unless roasted. I love pickled beets. So I opened up a few cans and pickled them using Splenda. They're fabulous. I matchstick those too for my salad, cuz that's how I roll. They add some sweetness and tanginess to the mix.

Spinach. We all know that's a pretty good dark green thing to choke down. I'll let you in on a little secret. If you chiffonade it and then turn that around and cross cut it so you have tiny little squares, you won't taste it. The pieces are so small the texture isn't a problem. Wow, a dark green thing on my plate and I'm loving it! I just learned that today.

Some days I add a tablespoon of sunflower seeds for 1 PP, some days I don't.

You can chop and dice and add things to your little hearts content. Make it as big or as small as you want. With the SFT, I've been going small. I know that I can eat again later if I'm hungry.

This was today's salad.



I try to think rainbow when fixing these salads. Today it looked so pretty with the spinach. I felt so good about myself finally figuring something green to add that was good for me. I want more ideas now. More colors. I think that bowl is just begging for something red....

Thank you TJ. I love your crazy salad idea.


Peace be the journey

:-)

It's a new day

Caution, this is a cathartic post and not an inspiring one. I need to sort my mind out. Doing it here!

Last weeks experiment was a success. I had a loss. I was excited to begin a new week.

It's really an interesting program. It gives me the 'freedom' I need right now with crazy work hours, but also the structure. I learned a lot. I continue to do so.

I'm having crazy mind wars that I've never had before. I've read over and over about people eating something and feeling guilty. I've never done that...never felt guilt. Never. If I ate something, I wanted it and that was good enough for me. Moved on from there. This is pre coffee this morning boys and girls, I hope I can explain how I'm feeling. It's going to be long, but I must get it out there...for me.

Here's the scenario. WI was awesome. Over 2 pounds. That is huge for me. I always use WI day for treat day. Always. It's always been a day of an eating frenzy. Buy a big bag of chips and must eat them all before bed. Can't have them around the next day now can I? Bake a cake...well you get the drift. So, I still want to keep treats in the picture, but this week I decided to use the 'only when hungry' and 'only until satisfied' rules. That was actually awesome. I had my usual McD's sausage McMuffin on the way home from the meeting. I LOVE those stupid things! I went into work and there were donuts. In the past I'd have had one as of course it's treat day. I stopped, knowing that I could, but I thought first. No, I wasn't hungry. Damn. I passed the donut. Lunch time rolled around and now I was hungry. Well to be fair, it was 2PM. I wanted Panera Bread mac and cheese. Off I took myself. I've always ordered the large in the past, with a pastry and of course you get a crusty roll and butter. This time I ordered a small, and got the pastry to go. I told myself that I'd quit eating when I wasn't hungry anymore. Now, when you're eating something you love, that really isn't easy! I kept hoping I wouldn't feel not hungry until after the mac and cheese was gone! It was really funny. I actually left a bit of bread. TBM wanted pizza for dinner. I had 1 slice. So, all in all, for me, it was a great treat day. Easily half the amount I'd have eaten previously. So yay me!

Now the rub.

Wednesday is my day off so I can play Mah Jongg. I love that stupid game! I've had a FABULOUS week at work. I showed houses on Tuesday that looked like they might lead to a sale. I put an application for residency in for a guy that wants to buy a home. He can't start the process until he's approved. SO, Wednesday I went in to work ONLY to check my computer to see if he was approved yet and then to email him to let him know. I had my oatmeal before I went and I was going to plan my food when I got back home. I knew I'd be at work 10 minutes max. That was at 9AM. I didn't get home from work until 6:30! He was approved AND I sold 2 homes that day, so it was worth it. Here is the blow by blow.

1.)Flew home around 2 to grab something for lunch and take it back to the office. I hadn't cooked the meat for a sandwich yet. I didn't have time to cook an egg. I didn't have any fat free cheese. I didn't have any fruit. I grabbed a yogurt, but I was really hungry. I saw the left over pizza from the previous night. I talked to myself out loud. I took it out. I put it back. I shut the fridge door and leaned on the kitchen sink and talked to myself. I left with the piece of pizza hanging out of my mouth! I figured I'd just count the points for it as I do have 49 extra to work with. No problem.

2.) I sold a house and was on a high! Called TBM and said 'we're going out for Mexican tonight, Mama just sold a house!'. He was of course thrilled...about both!

3.) There's where the nagging began. My mind, the bitch, was giving me grief. You don't need 3 margaritas. You know you'll have 3 because you're a margarita whore and they're only 99 cents tonight. You'll eat a whole basket of chips. Do you REALLY think that's good for you? Will you stop when you're satisfied? No, the alcohol will dull your senses and you'll eat like a pig. Oink oink baby!

4.) I called TBM and told him that no matter how I begged, don't give in and take me to Mexican tonight. We had left overs. He was good with that. He wouldn't have followed through though. If I'd come home and demanded to go, we'd have gone. LeSigh.

5.) I called TBM later and said 'I sold ANOTHER house!'. He was pumped! I said 'We're definitely going to Mexican now!'. He said OK! Asshat.

6.) Doing paperwork, the nagging began again. How am I ever going to learn anything if the very first time I want to eat, I do. I was happy and I eat when I'm happy. I need to quit associating food with emotion. That's what this new program is all about. SOOOOOO I called TBM AGAIN.

7.) He cooked up the ground turkey in the fridge and seasoned it up taco like. He chopped lettuce and diced onions. (not an asshat anymore)I got home and opened the wine bottle and had 1 glass. We had taco salads at home. Yes, I used tortilla chips. Yes, I had real cheese. Yes, I used guac. I did pay attention and I did quit when I wasn't hungry anymore and I didn't have anything else later. I counted the points for ALL of it.

The pizza, the chips, the guac, you name it, I counted all the points. NOW here's the problem. See, I told you this was long. Sorry, it's helping me.

Problem. I get 49 extra points a week...that breaks down to 7 a day. Staying on the SFT program I need to know I have those 7 a day as so many things aren't covered. That one day, THE FIRST DAY OF THE PROGRAM WEEK MIND YOU!!! I used 20 points plus! When the hell did a slice of pizza become 10 points??? Holy crap my glass of wine was 5...glad I didn't have 2!!! That was 3 days of points. THREE DAYS IN ONE DAY!!!

So, Thursday rolled around and holy shit it was hard to stay good. My mind is in a whirl. You can't use points. You need to save them for later in the week. Blah blah blah. It was another long day at work. I ate breakfast before I went and planned my lunch. Of course when I popped home to get my lunch, TBM had eaten it already! It ended up being an on program day but not without a lot of mind games and I didn't like that.

I've learned a lesson from this. I will think long and hard in the future before just grabbing food.

I will be prepared always. Even if it's something in the freezer I can grab and pop in the micro at work.

Yes, I might be old, but I've learned. I had feelings this week I've never had and I don't like them.

I'm trying to do what I tell others all the time. Put it in the past and move on.

It's not easy for sure.

TODAY I'M NOT WORKING! I'M GOING TO GET MY MIND TOGETHER!

Breathing

Peace be the journey

:-)