Get a grip

Ever feel you're chugging along with a firm grip on things? Then all of a sudden someone greases the frigging rope and you go sliding into the abyss?

Well hell, I do. A lot.

I'm working on that. I'm learning more and more about myself. I'm actually willing to (insert gasp here) change! Oh yes, me, the queen of stubbornness is actually willing to admit the way I've done things for...well forever, just don't work.

Weight Watcher's talk about 'red light foods'. You know, food that if you take one bite you're a goner? I never really thought I had any of those. This week I realized that red light doesn't have to apply to just A food. It could apply to AN action.

I've been fat all my life. That is not a boast. It's a sad fact Jack. I've been teased, taunted, ridiculed, looked over for jobs, and, well you get the drift. I remember being in grade school (Catholic mind you)and being on a diet. My Mom didn't have a clue. She'd make me take 1/2 a sandwich for my lunch and that was it. I mean what else could go in the bag? I wasn't allowed chips or cookies...what else was there? I'm not blaming my Mom for my fat...but geez Ma...fruit and veg were around back then! You think kids are cruel? Just try being around Catholic girls. Those bitches are vicious! They'd make fun of me for being fat AND they'd make fun of me for trying to NOT be fat. Do you think I'd be struck by lightning if I said I wish they'd all rot in hell? Probably, and my Christian side won't let me think that...damn that Catholic guilt!!!

Frick, digress. Again.

So...all my life. My first trip to Weight Watchers was in 1977. Before that I'd tried everything. Atkins, grapefruit, cabbage soup, you name it, I tried it. So with that first trip to WW, I deemed that weigh in day would be a free day. I could eat whatever I wanted on that day. It got me through the week. If I wanted something, I'd tell myself I could have it on weigh in day. That never changed. EVERY single diet I've ever been on, I've had a 'free day'.

This week, 52 years old, I realized that just isn't going to work for me anymore. Cue the angels and harps! Epiphany time!!!

Why? Well, it's the big lead up to 'the day'. I anticipate. Oh what will I eat?? Sometimes I eat things I don't want just because I can. Ya, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes.

THEN the next day. OMG it's so hard to get back on plan. I remember today what I really wanted yesterday and didn't have. Maybe I should have 2 cheat days this week and then next week get back to just 1.

Two becomes three. etc. It's a mental battle. I don't like how my mind feels. I don't like the feeling of deprivation and angst. It's so hard.

SO, yesterday this little niggle started in. I'm loving the new program I'm rocking. The SFT (simply filling technique). It's got good bones. So why do I feel I need a day to lose control? The program is this in a nutshell...

You eat ONLY when you are TRULY hungry.
You eat ONLY until you are satisfied.
You eat mostly only power foods.
A few other things, but those are the basics.

I realized on my 'cheat day' this week, there really wasn't anything I was hungry for. Well, Panera Bread mac and cheese. That shit is to die for! I did want something chocolate. Did I eat those two things and stop? Hell no. It was my cheat day, I could have it all. I did. So, let's think about this...

I get 49 points plus a week to play with on SFT...Panera Bread mac and cheese (the small size which is plenty) is 13.5 PP. A snicker bar was 9 I think...so, wow, let me get this right....I could just go out to lunch any day like a normal person and have the mac and cheese for lunch...perhaps paired with some veg soup instead of the bread roll? THEN later in the week if I wanted a candy bar I could have one??? THEN still have PP left over??????

Who the hell knew??????

I don't like to step out of my comfort zone. It's hard for me to give up things I love. To change my ways.

I think it's time.

I think the cheat day needs to be put to rest. I think I need to give the plan a try the way they intend for it to be worked.

What about you? Do you have a free day? How do you handle treats? I know how I'm going to do it this next week.....

R.I.P. Cheat day....you will be missed.

Peace be the journey

:-)