Saturday, July 10, 2010

Tough love = No love?

Mornin peeps.

Oh, before I get started. Water. It was water. I chose to begin my health quest (a-freaking-gain) with water. I put 8 cups of water in a Tupperware fridge container (which btw is a piece of shit and don't ever buy it! It's orange, narrow so it fits in the door of your fridge, but it glugs when you pour it. Always. Even when you're pouring out the last cup, it glugs and the water, well comes out in glugs and splashes. Needs some kind of vent), and I proceeded to drink it all the day before yesterday. When you're not used to drinking water, that was a freakin lot of water! I did it again yesterday, and I intend to do it again today, and tomorrow, and the day after the idea?

OK, so on to today's topic.

Tough love and weight loss. Tough love and life in general. Do they go hand in hand? Does it motivate you? When you're floundering, either in your diet, or your life, and someone tells you to suck it up, pull up your big girl panties, etc. Does it help or hinder? Discuss.

Oh pick me! I'll go first! Can you just see me in Catholic school, in my desk, bouncing up and down with my hand in the air waving about??? Arnold Horshack in a uniform...OOH! OOH! OOH!

So, for me, it hinders. Hell yes I know I need to suck it up. It's OK for me to tell me to suck it up, etc...but I find that when my friends tell me that, it kind of hurts my feelings. It makes me feel they just don't want to listen to my pain, my problems. It's easier to just brush it off, tell me to suck it up, and go on to happier topics.

We all have pain in our life at some point. We all aren't Suzy Sunshine 100% of the time. I'll admit I'm Debby Does the Happy Dance most of the time, but there are times when I'm just not shooting rays of sunshine out my ass...ya know? That's when I just want my friends to commiserate. Just say 'holy shit, it sucks to be you right now', just go along with me. I'm just venting. I don't do it often, but sometimes I just need to vent.

I know it's not OK to eat a whole cheesecake. OK, so I didn't really do that (I only brought 2 pieces home or I might have though!), but if I had, I think I'd just like my friends to say "Man, why didn't you bring me some", or some such trivial nonsense. I know it doesn't help. I know it was a hell of a lot of fat and calories. I KNOW. I did it anyway. Will I do it again? Most probably. Would someone telling me 'holy shit you moron that was stupid, dont do it again!' help? Nope, not for me it wouldn't. It would just piss me off.

For the most part, my life is idyllic. For the most part. The part that isn't, sucks ass. Sweaty ass. When I unload on my friends my deepest feelings, I just want sympathy. Empathy even if it applies. I don't want them to fix it, to make it better, to change me. I just want hugs, even if they're virtual hugs. I just want to unload, get it off my chest. I'm not a keep it in kind of girl. So, when I get 'grow up, or suck it up, or whatever' that translates in my world as "Holy shit shut up about your problems already I'm sick of listening! You need to quit dwelling on them and let me talk now."

Is that what they mean? Hell no. My friends are the most loving, caring, fantastic people in the whole world. Hell, they've got me...what more could they ask? They love me, they think they're helping. They just don't know how bad it hurts. I got another email from that person that told me to suck it up from my last post...explaining they were just trying to help. They thought tough love would do it. Ya, not so much for me I found!

Am I a twirling in my diaphanous gown with my crown of flowing flowers while my unicorn plays in the posies kind of girl? You bet your ass I am. Sometimes I just want to live in my own dream world. It's so awesome there. You'd love it.

Point is, I'm a positive reinforcement girl. I know not everyone is, but that's how I roll. I'll be more apt to go out and do something if I'm encouraged, than I would if I was ordered. Pain in the ass? Maybe, but I'm worth it.

What floats your boat?

No matter what it is, you're worth it too!



  1. Oh i definitely don't do well with tough love. Kind encouragement or a hug go a lot further.

  2. Comment on water- I drink a gallon a day , and I have memorized the location of every public restroom within a 100 mile radius of my home. You do not own rent it !
    Tough love - does it help to pour salt in a wound ? Has it ever worked when you see someone crying to say " shut up or I will give you something to cry about "? Does it do any good to tell a person who is having a heart attack to walk it off ?? Tough love is the greatest oxymoron in the world. it is neither love , nor tough. It is simply a way to take the experience of another and use it as your personal stepping stone to some how feel better about yourself ( and to elevate you out of your own cesspool). It does far greater good to affirm people, encourage them and point out the good that they are doing. Sometimes we all forget and a hand up can heal a lot more than a smack on the head !

  3. Tell your unicorn and other fairy friends I said hello....I am doing great these days and no real complaints (or pain!) so I am right there with you in lala land! :) I also do not like someone riding my ass....I tend to rebel and not follow directions when poked & prodded. That is why that damn biggest loser show would never work for me- Id go eat mexican food for breakfast, lunch & dinner and sit on my ever growing ass as everyone around me shrunk just to prove a point. lol

    Truth is- Sean tried to help me years ago- and I gained. I hated that I saw his help as being mean and picking on me. But I do see that he wanted the best for me- but I wanted pizza. lol

    :) xoxo

  4. It sucks to be brow beaten in the name of love and caring, like that's gonna help. Should you have indulged in cheese cake..Probably not. Did you need me to tell you that..Absolutely not. And, btw, how come you didn't save me a piece?!

  5. Congratulations on all the water!!! That's a great start! Keep up the good work.

  6. Debby, Debby, Debby.....we are definitely kindred spirits. It truly pisses me off when someone does the whole "tough love" crap on me! When I screw up, believe me I beat myself up enough, I sure as hell don't need others to help! Thanks for this post! You said everything I wish I had said!! Love ya!