NEVER SAY NEVER!!!!

Before I begin, I just noticed I have 150 followers. How cool is that? My goal weight = the number of my followers. Coincidence? I think not!

OK, on to the previously scheduled program.

You'd think I'd learn. Oh hell no. Not the easy way anyway. It's Karma. The minute you say 'I'll never do this', you of course do it. "That will NEVER happen to me". Count on it bitch because is is SO going to happen to you!

We get comfortable. We really believe it won't happen. Well boys and girls, it can and it does. So, if you're out there saying NEVER NEVER NEVER, you still have to take steps to make sure, or it will be ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!

I've said NEVER a few times. Here, here, and oh hell the list of course goes on.

I want to change my ALWAYS to NEVER. I can't do that without changing the way I think. Wow, how's that for a difficult task? Change the way we think. Can it be done? Dunno, but I'm going to try.

When I said I was NEVER going to get back into a size 18 pants again, I sure the hell never thought a 22 would be tight on my ass EVER again. I don't like it. I don't want to feel this way again.

I have never been shocked when getting on the scale at my Weight Watcher meeting. I always weigh ahead of time and I know what to expect. I didn't this time. I didn't even look at what she wrote in the book. Until the other night. It was like someone punched me in the gut. Literally. I've never had that feeling and I didn't like it.

I need to remember this. How it feels. When I get back down into my size 14's and lower, I need to somehow channel this feeling of fat oozing everywhere so I won't get back here again. It is easy to do. For me anyway. I need to ALWAYS remember:

how bad my knees hurt
how bad my hips hurt
how bad my ankles hurt
how fat my face feels
how fat my ass is
how things jiggle and ooze
how I don't feel beautiful
how I feel embarrassed every time I go out in public
how I'm ashamed of myself

Oh I want to revel in the glory of being fitter again. Feeling beautiful, etc. But in the back of my mind, I need to remember how bad this sucks right now so I DON'T FUCKING DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!

NEVER EVER EVER!!!!!

Oops, I said it again. I believe it this time. This time my never is not going to be an always. I'm old, but I'm still learning.

Peace be the journey

:-)

Thief in the afternoon

Can't call me a thief in the night! Ha!

I'm stealing this blog writers idea. Tara seems to be struggling as much as I am and I like her goal idea.

Three goals for the coming week. Shouldn't be that hard. Of course, if it was easy we'd all be frigging thin and healthy!

I'm following the Weight Watcher program as most of you know. So, the points will get counted of course and that should keep me in the 'losing weight' zone. A calorie isn't a calorie when it comes to how healthy it is for our body though.

As you also know I'm coming off a looooooooooooooooooooooong binge. My body is used to eating every chip, chocolate, greasy, buttery, creamy thing around. This week is going to be difficult to say the least.

My 3 goals are as follows. Drum roll please. Screw the drum roll...give me sexy guys dancing with tear away pants..ya ya and as soon as the last thread goes riiiiiiiiiiiip I'll give my goals. OK, since that didn't happen, without further ado, here they are.

1. Eat some kind of frigging vegetable & fruit every day for a week. Yes, I know I'm supposed to have 3-5. Cut me some slack. I promise not to count wine or ketchup as fruit, or potato chips as a veg.

2. Move my fat ass twice. Twice you say? You say I should be moving my ass 5 times? Don't forget this 'week' is only Tue-Fri. So, twice it is. My blog. I win!

3. Drink 4 cups of plain water EVERY day. No, it won't be easy for me. Do it I shall.

If Tara can do it, I can do it. WE can do it together!

Peace be the journey

:-)

Reward me?

Rewards.

Lots of you guys use them. You tell yourself that if you lose 5 pounds, you'll go get a pedicure. Get your nails done, buy that new purse you want, get a lipstick, a CD, etc. It's never really worked for me. I mean in the end, I still have to go buy it for myself and I could have done that if I lost the 5 pounds or not.

The topic at my WW meeting this week was about asking for help. I thought I had no problem with that. Some people said it scared them to ask for help. I didn't understand. I do now. Right now my heart is beating, I'm scared of rejection. I want to ask you to help me, but I'm afraid you'll laugh at me. Or worse yet, do nothing. So, I'm really putting myself out there right now asking for help and support.

I was reading Becky's blog this morning and of course I didn't have any reward ideas for her. I did want her to know I'd read it, so was commenting when I read someones idea of a reward. That someone makes homemade soap and she offered to send Becky a bar when she lost X amount of pounds. Now THAT would have motivated me. Something someone else would do for you. Awesome.

So, as I'm a greedy bitch and not above begging, I'm asking you guys to reward me.

Know what I love? Other than food of course? Recipes. I collect cook books. I can sit and look at the pictures and read them for hours. What I really love are hand written recipes. I have a notebook with page protectors that I slip hand written recipes in. I've got some from my mom and grandma and my friends. I just love looking at them, knowing they wrote it. It binds me to them. It makes me happy to open that book.

So, I know (OK, so I'm really hoping and praying more than knowing!) someone out there has to love me enough to write me a recipe if I lose 5 pounds. A healthy one of course. Oh you know, maybe one for some famous soup? Some mini muffin meatloaves, anything at all that has helped you on your journey. You don't cook? How about a motivational note? A funny? Hell, I'll even send you the stamp to send it to me! No typing now, that's not fair. Also have to put your name on it, or your blog name. Oh ya, even when I'm begging there are rules!

Wow, I'm afraid to hit 'publish post'. This is definitely new territory for me! I love my WW leader Madge though, and I'm going to trust her advice is solid.

Peace be the journey

:-)

Spent

I feel like I've been hit by a truck. A big fucking truck.

Menopause sucks. That's all I'm going to say about that. Any day that I don't stab someone or try to hit them with my truck is a win. Any day without a bucket of tears is a win. Any day I don't feel anger boil up inside me for no frigging reason whatsoever is a win. Ya, I haven't had many wins lately!!!

I went back to WW today. It was so bad I thought the poor leader was going to faint. I don't know how bad. I don't have the balls to look. I'll deal with it tomorrow or the next day. She felt so bad for me. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her questions.

OK, so Perky Pixie will be back next week. If I don't kill the bitch.

Deep breath.

Segue.

I was awarded a cool blog award. Well how was that for redundant??? Becky gave it to me and it's all mine! OK, mine and 9 others, but I'm the best...you know I am!

Here it is...hot ass cool eh????



Rules are for sissies. No way I'm picking 10 ppl to pass it on to. I have 30 that deserve it if I have 1. I will, however, try to post 10 things that make me happy. I will try not to use the words stab, maim, kill, gouge, impale, behead, castrate, decapitate, or mutilate.

1. My blog friends. Yes, it may be sappy, but I think of some of you as friends.
2. My Daddy's swing that he made just for me. I put it back together tonight and sat in it for about half an hour. Made me happy.
3. Warm water and cool sand on my body.
4. Blue skies and puffy white clouds.
5. Rides on my golf cart with someone else driving. Letting the sun warm my face and the breeze keep my skin cool.
6. Reading a good book
7. Looking at pictures of my grand babies
8. Playing Mah Jongg (and winning of course!)
9. Talking to my friends
10. Running over people that piss me off with my truck. (in my mind of course)

I have a lot to say. I just can't say it tonight.

:-)

Lazy way out

I didn't intend to take the lazy way out today.

I went to the pool like I said I would. It was awesome. My knees are bitching now of course...I'm ignoring them.

I don't want to go to work here so I was catching up on a few more blogs. I found this soooooooooooooooooooooo motivating I just wanted to share in case you don't read Doc's blog.

Here it is, go read it. I bet you'll be glad you did.

I sure was!

Peace be the journey

:-)

A bit of this and that

Catching up on some blogs tonight. Kind of behind. OK, way behind! A lot make me think and I like that.

Fat Daddy talked about an on/off switch and finding his volume knob. Man oh man do I need to do that. My f'ing switch is taped in the 'on' position right now. So I did a drastic thing because of FD...I shot an email off to a friend of mine that swims every day. An hour. She hangs with another friend that broke her wrist and needs surgery so won't be able to swim. I shot an email saying I'd be her swim buddy. Can't take it back now....the send button has been hit. TY FD. Actually just got a reply from her...this is it. "Sounds great to me!!! Monday, Tuesday, Thursday--11:00 till 12:30 or so. Sat. and Sun. 10:00. None on Wednesday and Friday. I'll be there in the morning at 10:00!!!" Guess I've got plans tomorrow morning at 10!

Reading Pounds Off review a book just now, the author talked about going to a Chinese restaurant after a several month leave of absence. He was greeted warmly...they thought he'd moved. We returned back to our Florida home the end of August after making the trek to MI mid May. The owner came running up to me and hugged me! Holy shit I just can't think that's a good thing! I might have learned something about myself right there.

Ms. Sheryl has made lifetime at her Weight Watchers meeting. She's filling out the papers to become a WW leader. That used to be a goal of mine. Perhaps I need to start thinking like that again? Ms. Bitch motivates me a lot and she's just a little bit hot too! OK, so that was my inner lesbian typing there...sometimes I can't shut that tramp up!

Shoot, I probably shouldn't have started this as then if I don't mention someone I read constantly they might get their feelings hurt. I'm stopping now leaving out a few of you that KNOW FOR A FACT I love and read you and learn shit from you every time!

My point is, we all help each other here. My on switch might have a short, but I'm still reading, I'm still learning, I'm still getting motivated...albeit slowly...but motivated none the less!

Y'all mean the world to me. In fact, I shall name all of you as you deserve it! NO particular order either!!! If you're on this list, I read every one of your blogs. Yes, I get behind but I do catch up. If you're not on this list send me a shout out so you can be! Now, these are just my weight loss bloggers...so don't get your panties in a bunch if you're not on this list!

TJ
Diane
My favorite Fatass
Jack
Sally
Heather
Beth
Simone, the baby of the group
Point-less meals Yummy recipes!
Cazza
Dani
Danica
Dr. Fatty
Lola
Lose the boredom
Shane
Marcelle
Becky
Tami
Suzi
The Meatball
Lisa
Rebecka
Midlife Swimmer
Clyde

Peace be the journey

:-)

The whole world????

That's right, now even the freakin universe is after me! This was today's note from the universe.


The entire world now spins in the palm of your hand, Debby.

A fitness goal is not asking for too much.

Come on, let's go -
The Universe


Geez, alright already!!!!! I shall make one. There! Happy???!!!!

Well boys and girls, this is the week. Friday morning is WW day. It should be interesting to say the least! I thought WW was Tuesday, that's what I get for thinking.

It's a busy week. We're still unpacking boxes. We will be doing so for about 2 weeks. TBM looked at me yesterday trying to fit things into the kitchen cupboard and said "Wow, that's like trying to fit 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack!' Yes, it is. I'm trying to fit things from a HUGE kitchen into a small one. Not only that, this kitchen is already full of stuff from my other kitchen here. Oh ya, fun times!

Did I mention I can't find the box with all my spices and herbs in it? It really has become the bane to my existence! I unpacked about 10 boxes yesterday and didn't find it. More today...I'm on a mission!

Today will be unpacking more boxes and then a party here in the park. Big shindig that we got the tickets for yesterday. Then pool time, then wine time. Taking the rest of the day off...tomorrow I can start again.

Doc appt this Wed. She's going to have a freaking fit. I deserve it. I'll take it like a big girl.

Friday morning WW and me with a plan. How's that for a full week?

Happy Labor Day everyone.

Peace be the journey

:-)

Running the maze

Mornin peeps!

Settling in here...OK, so we're here, not settled! Boxes everywhere, it's a maze getting through them. Lovin' it though.

I took a look at my Google reader this morning and had 211 unread. Beginning to remedy that situation. Like an alcoholic that looks for courage from the bottle, I'm looking for motivation from the blogs.

As I wended my way through the living room with my coffee cup, I had to turn sideways to get through one stack of boxes and a chair. As I turned, my ass fat kept moving. Oh ya, time to get back on program peeps!

Brought up the Weight Watcher site and have chosen to attend the Lake Placid meetings. Tuesday morning at 9am will find me all paying attention and shit.

I'm pumped peeps! OK, I'm not, but I will be!

Peace be the journey

:-)