I think I'd like to be a banana

Are you an apple or a pear?

I'm sure all of you have read countless articles about what shape your body is in. Apple shapes tend to do this and suffer from that. Pear shapes have this problem and that health concern.

I always assumed I was an apple...I was fat all over, what the heck else could I be?

I also always planned on having a tummy tuck when I lost all the weight I wanted to lose. I mean really, I've got 50 years of excess skin here folks! I also planned on having a breast lift or whatever you call a boob job. I wanted perky boobies. I've been fat since I was 6 years old...my boobies have never been perky! Of course I wanted my arms done too. All my life I've never been able to wear sleeveless shirts. I'd love to wear little cap sleeves or something similar. I've got more arm skin and fat swinging there than a Chinese trapeze act! You'll notice that's all in the past tense.

I have a girlfriend who is definitely a pear. She had gastric bypass surgery and lost a ton of weight. She then had a tummy tuck. I talked to her on the phone and she was so excited as she could see her feet while standing for the first time in ages. Several weeks later, we got together. I was actually shocked by what I saw. I didn't notice her flat belly at all. I noticed her huge rear end and thighs. She looked like she was wearing those pants that a circus ring leader wears. I'm not being catty here, just stating the facts. She's since gained back a lot of her weight which is sad.

I noticed the other day while standing naked in front of the mirror looking for signs of skin cancer on my back (as you do), that I'm a pear! All my life I thought I was an apple. Nope, I'm a pear. My ass is as big as Texas and my thighs could make fire on Survivor if they rubbed together. I've got a waist which I never had before and am not sure when it appeared, but it did. Who knew?

So, what does this fruity epiphany mean to me?

It means that I probably won't get a tummy tuck unless my hiney and thighs get a lot smaller. I don't want to look like a circus freak.

It means I changed my mind on the boob job when I read how they do it. When something begins with 'we remove the nipple and set it aside', I tend to think 'um no way Jose!!' I'll find a killer bra that makes the girls look fantabulous!

It means I'd still like my arms done. That would be something that would let me wear cute tops that would hide the other body flaws. It's a win win I think!

It means I think I'd like to be a banana. Kind of equal all the way down! No big middle, no big hiney, just nice and smooth all the way from top to bottom. I can't be a banana though, so I'll just be happy being the pear I am.

Pears are sweet and soft and they're nice to nibble.

Be happy with the skin you're in. That's what I'm going to do.

:-)

He always sings jazzy music to his cattle

as he swings back and forth in his saddle.

That's right, Pixie is back in the saddle after Thanksgiving. Who the hell knew I could do it? Yes, the day is young and it's very hard already, but I have confidence I can do it. I can learn that 1 or 2 days of unfettered eating doesn't have to turn into a week every single time. Holy moly, old dog, new trick!!

OK, so it's supposed to be 'raggy' and not 'jazzy', but my Mama taught me jazzy. I suppose you youngins don't have a rats ass idea what I'm going on about here...so I'll clue you in. It's a song my Mama and I used to sing on car trips. Wrong I've found as I've just googled the lyrics!

This is how it's supposed to be. You can listen to it here though it's not quite the same beat even that Mama and I used to sing it. You'll get the drift though.


He al-ways sings rag-gy mu-sic to the cat-tle
As he swings back and for-ward in the sad-dle
On a horse that is syn-co-pat-ed, gait-ed,
And there's such a fun-ny me-ter to the roar of his re-peat-er
How they run when hear that fel-low's gun
Because the West-ern folks all know
He's a high-fa-lut-ing, scoot-ing, shoot-ing
Son-of-a-gun from ar-iz-o-na Rag-time Cow Boy Joe.

This is how Mama and I used to sing it:

He always sings jazzy music to his cattle,
as he swings back and forth in his saddle,
on a horse a great big horse, in a syncopated seater,
and it's such a funny meter to the roar of his repeater,
how they run when they hear that fellows gun,
cuz the western folk all know,
he's a high falutin, rootin, tootin, son of a gun from Arizona,
Rag time cowboy, talk about your cowboy, ragtime cowboy Joe!

What does this have to do with losing weight? Not a darn thing. Just a memory I have that makes me smile.

Memory lane...a nice place to visit sometimes.

Sometimes memory lane lets us do things we really shouldn't. In the past, Thanksgiving was always a week of bad eating. I remember that and think I have to keep doing it. No, I don't. Christmas also. Memory lane says I get candy and cookies and I must eat them for a week or two. No, I don't.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving with our friends. We ate, drank, and definitely were merry. Friday I had more pie, a big fat ham sandwich on a homemade bun and some other stuff too. Today, when normally I'd continue the eating frenzy, I'm back on program. I've got all my meals planned for today. Oh it'll be tough sticking to the plan as it's not something I'm used to. It's not something I want to do. It's not my memory. I'm trying to install a new memory chip. Make a new routine.

I think with a lot of self talk I can do it. I bet we all could. I want to learn to enjoy a special day WITH it's special food treats and not think it means I have to keep eating special treats for the next week or month. I want to bring the special back into special. Pumpkin pie is special...one slice once in a while. Not a whole pie from Sam's when ever I want. Have you even seen the size of the pumpkin pies Sam's makes??? They're huge!! They're also very good and TBM and I ate a whole one in 2 days earlier this fall. NOOOOOO that wasn't special. That was gluttony. OK, so gluttony is my favorite of the 7 deadlies...but still!

So, I could keep eating today....but then it wouldn't be special anymore.

All together now....

As we swing back and forth in our saddles!!!!

:-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope your holiday is wonderful and I hope you gain nary a pound. I'm not going to be sappy here and tell you what I'm thankful for. Know that the list is long, and take a minute to ponder the gifts you have in your life.

Now, hello my friends! It's been a while since I've posted. That sounded rather like a confession didn't it? Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been X days since my last post! I've been OP all that time FYI! I even walked once. I had a very successful weigh in last Tuesday. I lost 6.4 pounds. Still many pounds over where I was, but a chunk of that gained fat is gone. I don't miss it either! Moreover, I plan on losing this week also. Yep, that's right, Pixie plans to lose weight Thanksgiving week! Does she plan to be a saint today and not nosh on the goodies? Hell no. I plan to enjoy today and all the merriment and treats it brings. Today. Today. Today. Tomorrow I shall be 100% back OP. Yes indeed I shall. I even plan on getting a brisk walk in today...somewhere between making apple crumb pie, homemade rolls, sinful mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie. Maybe I should go right now!

I went shopping last week and was so impressed with my finds I took a picture TJ style. So many of you talk of the foods you eat all the time and I just can't find it here. I found a lot of good stuff last week and here it is.



I've got 2 WW recipes for cranberry sauce to try on those bags of fresh cranberries. I made one yesterday in fact and it was pretty good. I think I'll like the cooked one better, and Den thinks the one I made yesterday will be even better today. Yesterday's was just grind up the bag of cranberries, toss in a whole orange in chunks and grind that up too. Add a chunk of fresh ginger and grind that. Toss in some cinnamon and 1 cup of Splenda and voila, cranberry salad. It was crunchier than I like, but Den liked it. I'll let you know how the cooked one turns out. It has no sugar or Splenda at all in it.

I made a lovely salad out of the goodies you see and had a fabby lunch. I tried the blue cheese dressing that TJ spoke of and it's nice. It's thinner than most but that just made it coat the lettuce better. Here is my lunch that day. Those are chocolate powdered almonds you see in the small bowl. I like the crunch of nuts on my salad and I've got a HUGE container of those I got at Sam's. I usually use roasted almonds, but hey...toss on what you have right?



I made some pita pizzas too. They were awesome, but too cheesy. I'd cut the cheese in half next time. I wanted quantity so I cut the pita's in half so I had 2 full circles and the crust would be thinner and crispier. I sprayed them with a few spritzes of olive oil and toasted them in the toaster oven for about 5-8 minutes. I then topped them with 0 point pasta sauce and mozzarella cheese. No, not fat free. Just lovely part skim 'real' pizza cheese. They were nummy and only 5 points for the whole 2 pizza's. Like I said, next time I'd cut the cheese in half and maybe add some ham and olives and fresh mushrooms. Those of you that like veg could pile these puppies high and have a really filling meal! Here they are on my lovely little pampered chef toaster oven stone. I love that darn thing!



I went out to dinner with friends one night also. Thai if you please. I chose the steamed dumplings. It is so nice to be able to go to real places with really great friends and not feel like you have to sit there and drink water. I love Weight Watchers!!! They had an appetizer and here they are toasting their oompa loompa colored chicken satay! Shoot, no pics of them as I forgot to ask if it was OK to use them. Well, picture two awesome people holding orange colored chicken over a tiny little cast iron flaming pot! Clair read the blog and said it was OK to post after all...so here they are! If you read this yesterday, you didn't get to see the pics. Oops!

This is Clair toasting his bird.



Here's Mary with her chicken on a stick.



I'm off here to start making my homemade rolls. When they're raising I'm going to start the apple crumb pie. The pumpkin pie is already in the fridge. I'll make the mashed potatoes just before we head over to our wonderful friends home for a lovely meal. Yes, they will have butter in them. Copious amount if you must know!

I'll tell you one thing I'm truly thankful for today, well many actually. I'm thankful for my many friends. I'm thinking of my very good friend Marty right now. If it weren't only 7am I'd pop over for a cup of coffee! Perhaps that's where I should take my walk today eh? I hope you all have a beautiful, blessed day today.

:-)

Happy New Year!!!

We're entering into that season of joy. Halloween is past, Thanksgiving is next week(if you're American), Christmas a month later, and then the ever looming New Year.

New Year, you know that day. The day to make resolutions to change the rest of your life. Ya right and, oh crap where did I leave my ruby slippers and my wand?

Not so fast Toto. I've heard people for years say New Years resolutions just set you up to fail. Why? I mean really, aren't our diet plans just mini resolutions every day? What's wrong with setting some awesome goals for the new year? Not a damn thing as far as I'm concerned. One tiny flaw in the ointment is if you're waiting for the new year to start your new plan. Why wait? Make those resolutions now and get a head start! Better yet, did you make some last year? It's not too late to start working on them. So what if you don't do all you said you would? Doing some, trying, starting, is better than doing nothing at all!

I was reading Susan's blog this morning and I really got a lot out of it. Some things that maybe I didn't want to get out of it. Things like I probably am addicted to food and I've a compulsive nature. Everything I do, I do to excess....I'm sure that means something deep, dark, and sinister to all you therapists out there. Glad I don't listen to you! As I've mentioned before, I don't do the therapy scene. I'm a suck it up Buttercup, and pull up your big girl panties kind of girl. I'd much rather tell myself I'm greedy, selfish, and lazy, rather than addicted, compulsive, and apathetic. It's all in the words for me. I can sum myself up pretty well with the following sentence. Pixie is a hedonistic, tenacious, demonstrative, freakishly happy gal. I'd like to have ethical or moral in there too....I try, but don't always earn that adjective. I do try though.

The biggest thing I got out of Susan's blog was a plan. No, she didn't give me one, she said I needed one. She's right. I made a plan yesterday for the next week. I need one for the next month as well. I need a plan that is going to get me through New Years Day and beyond.

That's right boys and girls, I made a plan yesterday. TBM and I have promised to be 'good' until Thanksgiving day. We will allow ourselves to feast that day and the day after (gotta have a turkey sannie on homemade bread the next day!) and Saturday, right back on program. I know many of you are saying NOOOOOOO you can be good on Thanksgiving. Sure I can. I'm not going to. I would be like an IED (or an IUD if you're my friend Ian!) and dangerous to be around. I want some mashed potatoes and gravy and some pumpkin pie and some homemade rolls with butter. I want a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce the next day too. I also want the courage to get right back on program Saturday! God grant me that please!

Last year I gained more than I lost. That's right, January 1, 2009 found me heavier than I was January 1, 2008(26.4 pounds heavier if you're wondering!!!). I do NOT want another year like that ever! I promised myself I would NEVER do that again. I forgot about my New Years resolution and was well on my way to a 2009 gain. I'm so grateful to Susan for reminding me that I need a plan, moreover that I HAD a plan. I'm proud to say it's not too late for me. January 1 of 2009 found me at 214.2. Yesterday I weighed in at 209.6, so if I listen to myself and 'suck it up Buttercup', I can end 2009 less than I began it. That's my goal. I'm not in a foot race here...I just want to reach the finish line.

I think I see that yellow tape now.....

:-)

What's the matter? Scared?

Ever get that childhood taunt? I did. I remember once we were all going to climb 'the big tree'. I just couldn't get past the first branch and my friend said that to me. I remember being petrified. I did, however, climb the tree.

So, what's the matter with me and not getting on program? Scared? Perhaps. Lazy? Definitely. Does it go deeper? Dunno, and as therapy will never be in my future, I may never find out. My idea of therapy is telling myself 'snap out of it'.

I had an awesome childhood. Relatively OK adolescence. I was your typical fat girl. No boyfriends of course. I had 2 faboulous best girl friends though, and managed to have a lot of fun in high school. I was in the drama club (I became a Thespian don't you know!), Spanish club, ski club (probably more stuff I just can't remember right now! I was active in girl scouts. My best friend and I became lifeguards. We went ice skating a lot in the winter. We did a lot of stuff. I laughed a lot.

Always in the back of my mind was the boy though. I wanted one. I was a great girl. Losers didn't figure that out. I remember one of the most jarring moments of my youth. I was probably in 8th grade. Catholic school no less. I was in love with Joe Weglarz. I was talking to my Mom about this...probably planning our wedding ya know? My Mom was probably trying to let me down gently as she made some comment....I don't remember now what that was...something about him probably not liking me I'm sure. I remember the rest clearely. I said 'He's fat too Mom!'. Mama said the words then I'll never forget. "Even fat boys don't like fat girls". Cruel? Maybe. True? You bet your ass.

There were some things she didn't tell me that she should have. Thank God I had the self confidence needed to figure it out on my own. If you're a young reader here, and you're fat, keep your dignity. Don't give your body to a boy hoping he'll like you. He won't. He'll do you, carve the notch in his belt, and move on. Do you want that preying on your mind? Hell no you don't. You're worth more. I knew that thank God. I wanted a boyfriend more than anything but I wasn't willing to sacrifice my values or morals to get one. Doing that woudln't have got me a boyfriend anyway. It would have got me the lable of 'cheap whore'. NOT a label I'd want to wear. I'm glad I figured that out on my own before the damage was done! If the damage has been done, stop it now. Declare yourself perfect and save yourself for someone that deserves you. You are worth it, you really are.

WTF???? This blog was NOT supposed to go here...it was supposed to delve into why I'm not on program and what I can do to get myself there and what the hell is wrong with me. I guess that'll have to be another day.

I'm going to my WI today. I'm not going to WI I don't think. I'm up a good 8-10 pounds. My friend asked me yesterday when I was going to get back OP. I said I didn't know. I was thinking after Thanksgiving....now I'm thinking why wait? Scared? Yep. Lazy? Yep. I think maybe it should be tomorrow instead of after Thanksgiving. My heart started beating faster when I typed that.

Guess that's a sign eh?

:-)

Are you a nibbler

or a popper?

When you have a treat, do you nibble at it and enjoy it? Or, do you take a big hand full and pop it into your mouth?

Think popcorn or M & M's here. Just now, while enjoying a funsize bag of M & M's, I noticed I'm a popper. A shoveler even. There are only about 6 M & M's in the whole frigging bag and I dumped some into my hand and they all went into my mouth at once. I do the same with popcorn which is my second favorite food in the whole wide world after bacon. I take a hand full and shovel it into my mouth. I wonder why?

Why, if I have a treat, do I feel the need to shovel instead of savor? Wouldn't those M & M's and that popcorn last longer if I ate them one at a time? Wouldn't I enjoy them more if I took time to savor them?

My friend keeps telling me (OK 3 times in our history together so I guess it's not 'keeps'...but obviously it struck a nerve)that when I'm eating something like chips, pretzels, or crackers, I have my hand in the bag getting the next one ready before I've finished the one I have in my mouth. He's right. I do. Not sure why. I know nobody is going to take it away from me. I mean face it, does it look like anyone has EVER taken food away from me? It's not that I'm in a rush to eat and have to get it in fast. I just don't know why I do that. Habit I'm guessing. A habit I need to break.

Perhaps if I was a nibbler, not only would my food last longer, I'd eat less. Never know...it's definitely worth a try.

Something for me to think about in the coming week. Perhaps something for you to think about also.

:-)

Eat me

Damn that fairy.

What? Doesn't the 'eat me' fairy come to your house? Crap, if not, give me your address so she'll leave me the hell alone for one day!

I got up yesterday with all good intentions. I had my meals planned, I was prepared. I even knew when I was going to eat as I had a full day. Ya, so let me tell you how that worked for me k?

I spent too much time having coffee and chatting to actually eat my planned breakfast before my drama club meeting. I had 29g of cereal with a WW yogurt and dashed out the door. I planned on having the 1 cup of mixed berries when I got home. Ya, OK so that didn't happen either.

I got home an hour or so later and Den was just leaving to help people move a table with our truck and I got doing things. I was going to have some sliced turkey with 2 tablespoons of cranberry sauce in a whole wheat pita for lunch. Also some homemade veg soup and I can't remember what else, but it was all planned. I saw the can of Pringles and they called me. Assholes. I ate them.

I dashed off to Mah Jongg and of course was starving. Pringles are lovely, but they're not filling. I play MJ for 2.5 hours and there was no time to eat when I got back as I had a hand therapy appointment immediately.

Ian and Den had got home from town with the truck with Ian's new bed in it a few minutes before I got home. They were met at the door by a lady with a brochure for the murals in Lake Placid. If she's reading this, please email me as we would like to know where she got it as someone else wants one. Email is in my profile of course.

Oh speaking of the murals in Lake Placid, I got my new birthday camera from Ian!!! I love it. It's small and PINK! It just needs a small bag to slip it into now so the display doesn't get scratched. Hint, hint, hint! It fits in my purse which is also small and I carry it everywhere with me now. It's so cool! Sorry, just had to get that in.

I went to hand therapy at 4. They heated me up and electrocuted me for 20 minutes, ultrasound with hydro cortisone cream for 5 minutes each finger, massaged the tendons of the 6 fingers that won't play nice, used some sort of phallic ice tool to ice down each tendon, and oh yes, bent the thumb backwards until they heard it snap and it touched the back of my wrist. OK, so they didn't actually make it snap, but it felt like it!

Came home from that and just said screw it. We're going out to dinner. Olive Garden of course.

I just don't understand where my mind goes when this happens. I won't quit trying to figure it out and prevent it. I know that I'll not bring Pringles into the house again! Crackers either. I love cheese and crackers and if they're here, I want to eat them. So, no more. I'm OK with candy. I can have that in the fridge and eat just 1 small piece. At least I'm learning eh???

I'm a stubborn old bird.

:-)