Sunday, May 16, 2010

Just a TV show

"The Biggest Loser"

Yep, it's just a TV show...but I really like it.

I know it gets a bad rap, and to be honest, there are things about the show I do not like. I don't like the extreme exercise they do. I don't like the huge chunks of weight they drop. I don't like the game play. AT ALL. I hate the 'voting someone off' part. I don't like that it's a game.

I love the rawness of the show. I have enjoyed the last 2 or 3 episodes more than any before as I've watched them all by myself. I was able to take it all in, respond emotionally the way I want without someone else watching me. I'm very emotional, but I don't like showing it. I listen to what some of them say and it's so me. I feel the pain. I feel the hurt. I've been there. I am there. I can identify with almost every one of them. Even the ones I don't like very much!

I listened last week to a number of them saying they were not happy. They smiled on the outside, but cried on the inside. I am so them. When someone makes a crack about my weight, a little bit of me dies. I just don't understand why people think it's OK. It's not OK to call the one legged woman at Wal-Mart 'Peg' and laugh, and it's not OK to make a crack about me just because I'm fat. I don't appreciate hearing 'tidal wave' when I'm about to enter the pool. I don't appreciate the comment 'better get in the food line before Debby', and I really don't appreciate hearing on the dance floor, 'oh wow, watch out that thing is swinging my way'. Fat people have feelings. At least I do. I'm tired of smiling and taking it. I won't do it again. If you make a comment about my weight, you better be prepared for the backlash. I'm sure you're not perfect. Would you like me to point out your imperfections? I didn't think so. Shut the fuck up then.

Back to the show. There is a young man on the show that I desperately wanted to be in the final 4. I wanted him to succeed. I wanted him to change his life. I didn't do it, but I want him to. I want him to go to college a thin man and have everything that goes with that status. It's no fun being the fat one...I want him to be the average one and start a new life while he can.

Would I go back to my very young (and I do mean VERY young. I was 5 years old in the 1st grade and I was fat then) age and lose the 10 pounds before it became 200+? No. Does this shock you? After me telling you the pain I feel about my obesity today? Let me explain. I wouldn't go back and change things because it would change who and what I am today. You can't change the past without changing the present. There are too many things about my life right now that I wouldn't be willing to give up...even for thinness.

There is nothing to prevent me from changing my future though.

I am learning a lot about myself this year. I plan on putting this knowledge to good use.

When you hurt me I cry real tears. Who knew?

Maybe I should quit covering them up with laughs. What if I cried when some adult made a nasty comment to me instead of laughing? Would they then realize how their juvenile comments cut? Yes, I think a bit of honesty is in order.

Look out world, I swear to tell the truth....



  1. I'm a huge biggest loser fan...we hardly get them now and when we do its the Australian for UK version. I love Bob and his way and thoughts and want to hear them
    I also get very motivated when I watch that program and like you cry at a drop of a hate, its such an emotional think losing weight and shedding the things that kept us stuck for so long.
    You are not fat. I look at the pics of you here and wonder what on earth you are going on about. Unless I see a recent pic of you I see what you show me in your blog and I see slim and lovely and even better I see I am getting to know you better as a friend.

  2. Debbie, this weeks topic at the WW was support (or lack there of). What a timely post. People don't realize how hurtful an off the cuff remark can be. I have been both the victim and the victomizer, I am ashamed to say. We are all beautiful. That's the most important message. An unpolished diamond is still a diamond. I hope you unload on some inconsiderate clod and then come back and let us know about it. Its got to be worth a chuckle at least.

  3. I hope you won't take it in future. Part of me wants you to pick one of their imperfections and mention it loudly - - but it might be better to say, "Could I repeat back to you what you just said? Are you aware how hurtful that was?" or similar. (I'm getting too old to be patient with idiots like those who make such comments).

  4. Yes I do think it's VERY important to express your true feelings to other people. Some people just don't know. And they need to know. THat what they're saying/doing is not okay.

    It's for your sake and for other people's sake as well, others they may be mean to and think they can get away with it. And those people may not be as strong as you. Next time, give it to 'em!! Tell em off like you mean it!!