Monday, August 15, 2011

Abuser or User?

I've often said I have an addictive personality. Everything I do, I do to excess.

When I smoked, I smoked 4 packs a day.

When I got fat, I got 368 pounds fat.

Ah, but today, when surfing for addictive personality traits, I realized I don't really have one.

Why is that, you ask?

Well, because basically (other than buying things I don't need now and then) those pretty much are the only 'to excess' things I did/do.

I am fine with one glass of wine. I would, however, love to have a glass every night. I don't, because I am afraid it would turn into a whole bottle. Every night.

When I gamble, I only take what I can afford to lose.

I do believe in the grey area. I just haven't mastered it yet. I'm trying to get away from the all or nothing mentality. I know it's there though.

So, sitting here, I wonder if telling myself I have an addictive personality in itself is a crutch?

Do I give myself the green light to eat things I shouldn't, when I shouldn't, because I'm an addict?

Do I tell myself I'll figure it out later, right now I'm a victim?

Do I tell myself I need to sit down and write everything down, get it all on the same page, and THEN I'll know what my problems are?

Yep. I do.

I don't believe anymore that I'm fat because I like food. Oh, I love food, but my unwillingness to curb the eating of bad things, that's more than just liking food.

I believe I've got a brain blip that needs shocking to get back on the right screen.

OK, so now that I believe that, how do we fix it?

I'm thinking NO might work. What a concept eh??

I want to buy a Keurig coffee maker (the $179 one of course). NO!

I really want a new blender. NO!

I want.....NO!

Last night, around 10PM I went into the kitchen. I wasn't really hungry, I just wanted to eat. Kitchen is kind of bare, I chose a banana. Nothing wrong with that you say? Of course there was. I wasn't hungry, I didn't want a banana, I just wanted to eat. Hmmm why? I have NO idea. Did I tell myself no? Nope.

Perhaps the way for me to break my addictions, is just say NO.

If I was truly hungry, a carrot would work.

Do you have this problem? I'm not the only one am I? How do you handle the inner voices?

Today I promise to tell myself NO once.

Who knows, maybe it'll catch on!

Today, I'm telling myself I'm not a food abuser, I'm 'just' a user. Users can quit any time. They're not addicted.

I'll let you know how that works for me!

Peace be the journey



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  3. Started WW last week. Now that fruit is a 0 pt food I am constantly grazing and eatting more than I did before. Right before I read your post I was thinking about eatting a banana too. Man our gene pool must have been poluted in this dept. I think our mouths may have gotten our impulse control gene. I like your idea about saying NO. I think I'll try it.