I've often said I have an addictive personality. Everything I do, I do to excess.
When I smoked, I smoked 4 packs a day.
When I got fat, I got 368 pounds fat.
Ah, but today, when surfing for addictive personality traits, I realized I don't really have one.
Why is that, you ask?
Well, because basically (other than buying things I don't need now and then) those pretty much are the only 'to excess' things I did/do.
I am fine with one glass of wine. I would, however, love to have a glass every night. I don't, because I am afraid it would turn into a whole bottle. Every night.
When I gamble, I only take what I can afford to lose.
I do believe in the grey area. I just haven't mastered it yet. I'm trying to get away from the all or nothing mentality. I know it's there though.
So, sitting here, I wonder if telling myself I have an addictive personality in itself is a crutch?
Do I give myself the green light to eat things I shouldn't, when I shouldn't, because I'm an addict?
Do I tell myself I'll figure it out later, right now I'm a victim?
Do I tell myself I need to sit down and write everything down, get it all on the same page, and THEN I'll know what my problems are?
Yep. I do.
I don't believe anymore that I'm fat because I like food. Oh, I love food, but my unwillingness to curb the eating of bad things, that's more than just liking food.
I believe I've got a brain blip that needs shocking to get back on the right screen.
OK, so now that I believe that, how do we fix it?
I'm thinking NO might work. What a concept eh??
I want to buy a Keurig coffee maker (the $179 one of course). NO!
I really want a new blender. NO!
Last night, around 10PM I went into the kitchen. I wasn't really hungry, I just wanted to eat. Kitchen is kind of bare, I chose a banana. Nothing wrong with that you say? Of course there was. I wasn't hungry, I didn't want a banana, I just wanted to eat. Hmmm why? I have NO idea. Did I tell myself no? Nope.
Perhaps the way for me to break my addictions, is just say NO.
If I was truly hungry, a carrot would work.
Do you have this problem? I'm not the only one am I? How do you handle the inner voices?
Today I promise to tell myself NO once.
Who knows, maybe it'll catch on!
Today, I'm telling myself I'm not a food abuser, I'm 'just' a user. Users can quit any time. They're not addicted.
I'll let you know how that works for me!
Peace be the journey
A wink and a smile
5 years ago