Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Things I've learned being fat

Being fat all my life, I've learned a few things.

I've learned:

* How to give directions via eating establishments. Go the the McDonald's and turn right. As soon as you see the Dairy Queen, hang a quick left. If you see Arby's, you've gone too far. Make a U turn at Panera Bread and start slowing down when you see the Burger King.

* People can be real assholes to fat folks. They make comments that I guess they think we can't hear because of the fat blockage in our ear canals.

* A lot of the population think fat = stupid, and also fat = lazy. A lot of the population should live a day in my body. They would be amazed how my mind works and how much I can accomplish in a day. F'ing ass hats.

* A can of pringles fits perfectly in the cup holder of your car making for easy snacking.

* If you carefully tear the paper cover off said can of Pringles, you can put it back over the opening and put the plastic cap over that and nobody will know the can is open. They won't want to open it, so you can eat all the Pringles yourself and then toss the can.

* People that are fit and healthy think they know it all. They also feel they have the right to tell you what you are doing wrong with your life. Some will even cut you off because you're too stupid to get it. Thier topple isn't going to be pretty.

* After getting out of the shower, a hair dryer can be used for more than drying hair.

* Desitin isn't just for babies.

* To ask for a table and not a booth in a restaurant.

* That even though I love roller coasters and amusement park rides, I don't fit in them.

* That people think it's OK to joke about my fat to me. I don't joke about your ugliness to you, or your being handicapped. Shut the hell up it's not funny.

* If you hide cookies in a container marked 'vegetable soup' in the freezer, they will be all yours!

* My ass does not fit on the toilets in some public rest rooms without touching things I don't want it to touch.

* One size does not fit all!!

* If you ask one time for a seat belt extender on an airplane, and just never give it back, you never have to ask again. I've had one for 10 years now. I'll leave it when I'm through so it's not like I stole it. I just borrowed it.

* That when seatbelts in cars became manditory years ago, mine didn't go around me.

* Back in the day, my doctors scales didn't go past 300 pounds. I couldn't be weighed.

* In addition, if you went to Weight Watchers at that time, there was a special weight they attached to the scale to allow you to be weighed on their scales.

* That I've met lasting friends here in the blog world that I'd never have met if I'd been fit and trim.

We can't go back and undo. We can only go forward and do.

Peace be the journey



  1. True, true all of it true.....from one fat ass to another...haha!

  2. Some of these things I didn't can this be? I need to go put vegetable soup in my freezer asap!
    But, this made me laugh, which I needed very much!
    Yes, if it weren't for meeting you several years ago on a weight watchers board, I would not have the awesome privilege of knowing you.
    You are my hero! :)

  3. Ohhh Debby, what a gloriously funny post. My favourite line? "They make comments that I guess they think we can't hear because of the fat blockage in our ear canals". Funny - - but oh, boy, some people are really deeply stupid, aren't they?