Saturday, April 4, 2009

Comfortable in my own skin

Even if there is a lot of it.

I had a fantastic day today. I intended to make a new chili recipe, an eggplant Parmesan, pickled beets with Splenda instead of sugar, chicken salad, a roasted vegetable shrimp pasta primavera, and without looking at my list, I can't remember what else. I needed to shop before cooking.

I also intended to clean my lanai today & check the gutters to see if I needed to clean them today or if they could wait 3 weeks. I needed to return the Viactive I bought at K-Mart yesterday, and deposit the rebate check for my new laptop that I got in the mail today. I needed to order drugs and I of course needed to exercise. I think there was some other stuff, but I can't remember what now.

You know what they say about the best laid plans.

I got the lanai tidied, I checked the gutters. They're good for another 3 weeks. I ordered drugs and I exercised. Oops, my friend Mary called and asked if I wanted to go to the pool. Hmmm let me think. It's 94 degrees. Would I rather go to the pool or cook?

The water was divine, the company better. What a lovely few hours. Floated and chatted and got all cooled off. Other friends joined us and it was just a wonderful, relaxing, awesome afternoon. I got home around 5:30. I was starving and still needed to shop. I decided I'd take myself out to dinner. Den was in bed sleeping so I would be dining solo.

I perused my dining out guide. I surfed Dottie's website for restaurants. I then put everything down and asked myself what I really wanted to eat. I wanted some juicy ground cow and a baked potato. Outback has the best burgers I think. Off to Outback I went. I thought I might feel a bit uncomfortable. My friend reminded me that I don't like to dine alone. I thought about that for a minute. I don't mind dining alone, I mind eating in a restaurant when whoever is with me doesn't eat. It all goes back to 'look at that fat chick eat' thing.

I walked into the restaurant and up to the counter. "Just me" I said. I was handed a beeper and told there was about a 15 minute wait. You can sit in the bar anytime there is an open seat. There weren't any. I did not want to belly up to the bar, but even those were full. I sat and was watching all the people when I realized I wasn't one bit self conscious. I didn't feel odd, or out of place, or anything at all. I just felt hungry! Got to my seat, ordered my food, enjoyed it tremendously. Never once did I feel anyone was staring at me with pity. Oh look at the fat girl, she has to eat alone. Nope, I didn't feel like that. That's not saying they weren't thinking it, but as long as I don't think they're thinking it, life is good! I know I'd not have been able to do this 170 pounds ago. Nope, not in a million years. I've got a long way to go in my weight loss journey still, but I'm comfortable in the skin I've got right now.

I've come a long way baby.


  1. Way to go, Deb. Hope you enjoyed that burger!

  2. Congratulations...I hope one day I can write a post just like this one. You're my new hero!

  3. Well I'd have been looking at you....plucking up the courage to chat you up, wedding ring or not !

    Love Outback cow. Glad you enjoyed it and well done on your weight loss journey so far.

  4. Wow, that is a major hurdle to overcome! Good for you~

  5. Errr -- but I wouldn't have considered you fat when I met you back in November so you are certainly NOT FAT NOW. Any residual fatness is in your head. You're going from fat to fit, and you're far nearer the fit. Phew.

  6. Daphne, no, you're right, I'm not fat. I'm still obese! I'm striving for fat! lol I will get there. Not a doubt in my mind!

  7. Silverback, perhaps you should go by 'Silvertongued'!

  8. This was a great post.
    Glad you had a fab time in the pool, as well as eating at the cow.

  9. that is awesome. glad you didn't feel self conscious

  10. Uplifting story and keep up the good work! Sounds like you've made a lot of progress!