Hey there boys and girls! Look up! I finally, with the help of my friend Ian, got my slideshow up. I'll change it in a while as I want to add some more pictures.
I have a lot of other pictures in a file somewhere that I want to add. I feel those are important as they're of me having fun. Yes, I was fat, but I always had fun. You'll see me in bathing suits. I know a lot of you won't put on a bathing suit. I always did. I had self confidence even when I was fatter. Oh yes, I knew I looked like shit, and I always felt some embarassment, but I never, ever, ever let it stop me from 'doing'. Water parks? You bet your ass. Beaches? Love them! Amusment parks...let me at them! I did it all. I loved it all too. I'll let you know when those pictures have been added.
I never felt self loathing. Oh I wanted to be thin, and sometimes I'd cry out of frustration, but I never hated myself ever. I always found something to like. I love my eyes. My hair back then was really soft. So I was fat, I had awesome jewelery. You know? Just find something you love, and focus on that. Don't focus on what you hate. Hating is bad. It'll eat you up from the inside out.
I never blamed anyone but myself for my fat. Yes, my parents didn't know squat about nutrition. Yes, they let me eat wrong when I was a child. After that, it was all my own fault. I ate, I got fat. Depression? No, never. Bad childhood? Hardly! Nobody made me fat but myself. Nobody forced food down my throat and made me swallow. Nope, I chose to do that all by myself. Why? Because I'm a spoiled princess and I never learned the word 'no'. I wanted it, I had it. Plain and simple. That's the hardest thing I'm still having to get over.
I would cry in high school as of course I wanted a date and never had one. It's all good now. Had I dated in high school, I'd have never met TBM. What a shame that would have been! Oh the joy, the excitement, the first day we met. I was at a bar with my sister in law. Den came over and asked me to dance. To my favorite song. I was in heaven! The fat girl never got to dance!!! He came to our table, sat down, bought me a drink even and chatted with both of us. A while later, he asked me for my phone number. Wow what a rush that was! Would he call? Oh I hoped he would. He was sweet and kind, and he danced with the fat girl! The smile I went to bed with that night...dreaming of his phone call. Yep, had I dated in high school, none of that would have happened.
I'm still smiling.
A wink and a smile
5 years ago