Sometimes, no matter how much we don't wanna, it's gotta be done.
No, I'm not talking about actual house cleaning. I'm talking about getting rid of the clutter in my life that is hampering my weight loss. It was time to do that and nobody was going to do it for me. Damn those Merry Maids...they said no!
I'm getting a certain amount of grief for my decision. A lot of skepticism, a bit of laughing at. I don't really give a rats ass. I'm being totally selfish and doing what's right for me at this time. I'm so worth the effort.
As most of you know I've been at this weight loss thing a long time. All my life in fact. I've been fat since first grade. I've never, ever lost the weight. I hear a lot of women say they used to be thin. I've heard some say they lost weight, got down to a small size, and gained it all back. Not me. I started growing at age 5 and kept on accumulating fat! Once I had it, I wasn't giving it back! Greedy bitch eh?
When we clean house, sometimes we just give it a lick and a promise. That's how I was treating my weight loss journey. I was 'good' when it suited me, and when it didn't, I was really, really bad! It took me 50 years to realize that approach just wasn't going to work any more! Doh, talk about hard headed. Sometimes I just don't want to believe what I know in my heart though. I knew what needed to be done, I just wasn't ready to do it. I am now.
I'll get my house all cleaned up and looking good, and then a few days later there's clutter again and I have to start all over. Just like cleaning house, my weight loss journey is going to be a never ending task.
I started in January with these challenges to myself. It's my way of cleaning house. Lately, I've had to move the proverbial sofa out of the way and clean behind it too. I've had to dig further into things that were hampering my weight loss effort and get rid of them. As I said earlier, I'm taking flack for some of my decisions.
I used to play cards every single night. I loved it and I do miss it. Problem was the time. I had to be there at 6PM to play cards. That meant I needed to eat dinner by 5PM, which in turn meant I had to start preparing dinner around 4PM. I started to feel like I should just eat dinner when I got up in the morning and get it over with! I enjoy my food. I don't want to rush through it for goodness sakes! I made the decision to give up cards for now. It's been so freeing knowing that I've got all day to just focus on me, on what I want. My card playing cronies are not happy! Not a day goes by that I don't hear it from someone. It's nice to be missed though! They don't like it but they'll have to get over it. I'm doing what I want now. Yep, it's all about me.
I got myself a personal trainer. Most of my friends think it's just plain silly. No, it's not. I've already learned so much and I've got about 17 sessions more. Could I afford it? Heck no. It's cost me going to see my new granddaughter in fact. A heavy price to be sure, but I think it's worth it. I was killing myself in the gym and it wasn't working. I needed to find out why. I'm doing that. I have friends that say 'oh I just walk or do water aerobics and that's just fine'. OK, if that's just fine for you, go for it. It's not fine for me. I want to do what's healthy for my body and my mind and walking or doing water aerobics isn't going to cut it for me. It's not aerobic enough for me. Might be just fine for you, but it's not for me. Do what's right for you and leave me the hell alone to do what's right for me. Don't pooh pooh what I'm learning, and doing as wrong because you don't want to do it!
The biggest thing I had to get rid of, well it's a tie actually. I needed to give up my 'no rules day' & eating in my recliner.
I thought it would be so hard to not have a no rules day. Who would have thought it actually gives me more freedom???? You see I never used my 35 extra points during the week as I took one day and ate whatever I wanted. Now that I've cut that out, I have these extra points to use anytime I want. I can get to the end of the day and have used my 24 points and still be hungry. Before, I would just go to bed! Now, if I'm truly hungry, I can have something. It's so freeing to know that. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A lot of my friends say they don't use their flex points and tell me I'm going to gain weight by using them. In the next breath, they'll say oh I don't count the creamer I put in my coffee or I don't count the oil I make my popcorn with. Hello, just because you don't count it doesn't mean it doesn't count! I'm doing what's right for me. If I find it doesn't work, I'll go to plan B. Right now, it's working.
I have eaten every meal since 2005 in my recliner. I sat at night to watch TV and I was hungry all night long. Doh, do you think maybe sitting all night in the place you eat might make your mind associate that chair with food? I know for a fact that it did. I don't feel hungry all night long now. What a boon that is!!! It's a pain sometimes for sure. We'll be watching a movie and they'll have snacks. I keep getting, 'don't you want a snack'? Well, as a matter of fact yes I do. Why don't you just stop the movie so I can go out to the lanai and have one?? They think it's silly as I get 'oh, you're still not eating in your chair?' I can hear the...not sure what word to use here...sarcasm or skepticism I guess. They think it's silly and a dumb thing. It's not. It's working. It did just what I wanted it to do. It's so hard to sit there all night long fighting hunger. I don't have to do that now.
I so love it when a plan comes together. I'm coming up on 3 months of my plan coming together. Maybe after a year, the people that are laughing at me now won't be laughing. I'm sure more cleaning will be needed. Might need to start on the windows next. I'm ready to do what needs to be done.
A wink and a smile
5 years ago