Monday, March 9, 2009

Who ya gonna call?

Ghost Busters you bet your ass!!!

Why? You might ask. It would be a valid question. Let me tell you.

As you may remember, today was day number 2 with (the bitch from hell) my personal trainer. My good friend Clair calls her Zuul. I thought it appropriate. I'm positive when my eyes are shut in pain, or blinded by sweat, her eyes glow red. She had her hair up in a top knot today...I'm sure it was to hide the horns. I'm thinking she's really Gozer, the Destructor. I know exactly where I'd point one of those nifty packs the Ghost Buster's carried for sure!

Anyhooooo I arrived at the gym right on time. Don't want to piss her off you know. She looked over my food journal and declared it OK. Of course it's OK! I know more about nutrition than most nutritionists for goodness sakes. She said 'let's get started'. I hopefully said 'we're going to work different muscles today aren't we?" She said 'a few'. Oh God have mercy on my soul. I whimpered 'we're not going to begin with push ups are we?'. 'Oh no' she said. 'Whew' I replied. I swear she grinned with glee when she said 'we're going to start with pull ups'! WTF???? You want me to pull THIS up???? Helloooooo I need a crane for that!!!! So I did 12 pull ups.

She took me from there over to a machine that was to work my....arms I'm guessing? I had to sit down, put my foot on a bar to pull the arm pads forward. Reach up with elbows bent, boobs thrust forward, and grasp the bars. I looked like someone was standing behind me with a gun saying 'stick 'em up!'. It hurt already and I hadn't done anything yet. She said 'OK, now bring your arms together'. OK , I thought. Nothing happened. I tried again. I willed my arms to come together. So simple really. Just push those pads until they touch. Nope, nothing happened. I couldn't budge those bitches. She had no pity. 'C'mon, you can do it.' Um, no, I can't. So I did 12 of those.

Went back and did 12 more pull ups.

Went back and did 12 more of the funky chicken things. Not very well, I have no upper arm strength at all it seems.

Yawn, 12 more pull ups.

Somehow I did 12 more of those arm things. It was so very hard and I didn't do it well. I did do it though.

Oh now let's work the legs shall we? Sit on this machine, lift the bar. Sounds easy. Wasn't. Bar was in front of my leg. I had to push it up and then guide it down. I'm sure she had 100 pounds on it. I of course did 12.

Oh now let's lay on the floor in this machine shall we? Lift our legs into the air and place our feet on this platform. It's going to work my hamstrings. Push the fucking heavy thing way up...then lower your legs to your chest. Excuse me? Did you say lower my thighs to my chest? Helloooooooo if I could do that I wouldn't be here. So I did that 12 times.

Now move your feet to a different position. This is going to work my inner thighs. Push the platform. Do it 12 times. Did your thighs touch your chest? Do it again if not. Hell my thighs touched my chest when my feet were up in the air. I was covered there!

Went to a platform where I stood on my tippy toes and then lowered my heels way below the platform. OK, I like that one. I can do it and I can do it good. 12 if you please.

Repeat those things 2 more times. Three is the magic number after all. Do you know how hard it is not to fart when you're lowering your thighs to your chest? Note to self. No Fiber One bars before gym day!

I was never so happy to hear Gozer, I mean Aime, say 'OK, let's go do your cardio'!!! I'm comfortable with that. I sweat, I breath hard, but I can do it and I can do it good. We upped the resistance today and of course increased the time by 5 minutes.

Bring it on bitch. I can take whatever you dole out!!!

I don't hurt tonight.

I did what she wanted me to do.

I've had a perfect eating OP week.

That fucking scale better reflect my work tomorrow.


  1. What a laugh I had reading that, thank you! Glad you made it through :)

  2. You crack me up. Good luck at WI tomorrow. It is my day as well. YIKES!


  3. Hilarious! Good luck at WI tomorrow, you've totally kicked ass this week!

  4. Sounds easy. I'd join you and show you how it's done - - such a shame I'm four thousand miles away! Seriously, I hope you've lost weight tomorrow - you deserve it.